Let the Record Show

Charlie has a Threesome

Mac was dumbfounded as Dennis silently awaited his response. He understood this was a lot to take in. Especially all at once. Especially on a weeknight.

"You've been filming them this whole time?"

"Yes, Mac!" What was so hard to understand about this?

"Like, them having sex and everything?"

"Primarily the sex, yes."

Mac couldn't look at him, eyes finding their way back to the screen in bashful curiosity. Dennis could see the sweat beading on Mac's neck as Science Bitch could be heard over the footage crying out enthusiastically: "Oh God, Charles! Mm, fuck, yeah! Yeah!"

Red spread over Mac's skin, disappearing into the collar of his shirt. He shifted on the couch, forced to close the laptop.

"This is so illegal dude."

"Yes! I know that Mac!" Dennis ran a hand over his face to smooth his forehead. These outbursts needed to stop, he was starting to notice frown-lines in the mirror. "I just need to know if you will help me."

Mac chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Break up Charlie and Science Bitch? I mean, they seem really happy together..."

Unable to comprehend what he was hearing, Dennis gawked at Mac. Mr. Ultra Catholic, card-carrying homophobe. "Happy? Do you think Charlie is going to be happy in Hell, Mac?"

That's all it took. Mac frowned, looking to his hands as if they could argue for him. "No. You're right."

"Of course I am." Dennis then explained everything. His accidental voyeuristic adventure beneath the bed, the abandonment of Charlie Work, his attempt to use Frank's stupid photos as sabotage only for a backfire of sappy love confessions (followed by some great footage). But it was time to get serious. They needed to break them up for good.

A look of disappointment crossed the Waitress's features as she opened the door to Mac, waiting with a bouquet of flowers.

"What do you want?"

"Uh, I'm here for a friend."

She raised a single eyebrow, but her look of annoyance remained. "And?"

"Uh—" Mac fumbled with the flowers, unkindly shoving them at her chest then handing over an envelope. "A secret admirer asked me to give these to you. Wants to know if you'd go to dinner with him tonight."

"I'm not going to dinner with Charlie."

"It's not Charlie," Mac assured. "Charlie has no idea about it so please keep quiet."

A relenting smile crossed her cheeks as she opened the card. "Is it Dennis?"

"God no. He thinks you're gross."

The door swung to close but Mac just barely held it back. "Wait! Wait, ok. It's no one from our typical friend group. Trust me, you'll like him."

The Waitress opened the door wide enough to scrutinize Mac. "Why?"

"We owe him a favor," Mac lied.

The Waitress nodded in silent agreement, watching as Mac turned to leave.

"Oh, wait!" He turned back. "Wear some makeup. Or, like, anything to cover," he gestured at his entire face.

The door slammed, and Mac shrugged as he left to meet back up with Dennis.

...

"Hey, Doc!"

Science Bitch looked up from his desk in surprise at the tall, pale man blocking the doorway of his office. It was his lunchtime and usually, if Charles didn't drop by, he saw no one during this time.