Why me?

Chapter 13

The pain returns, and I slip in and out of reality. I am in an alley, but then the hospital room.
This can't be real. I can't be a werewolf. This is all just a dream.
I struggle to return to reality, but all I find in reality is that hospital room, and when I resurface, I try to claw my way out of this nightmare. After a while of struggling, I am so tired that I sink into the alleyway.
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It is dark, but I see the tiniest glimmer of lights, not enough to see, all around me. They come in pairs, and as I realize what they are, the growls start.
Eyes. They are eyes. Millions of reflective eyes, all staring at me. The alleyway is again light, and the light seems to come from everywhere, yet it is dim.
I am surrounded by wolves, too big to not be werewolves. They all pounce, and I scream and claw at the mass of bodies, and I feel the pain of the scratch that fateful night, magnified a million times, all over my body. I scream and scream and scream until I pass out, while I wake up.
I am restrained by Eric, and the doctor has several scars that are healing before my eyes. Racheal has dried blood on her arm, but an ugly mark remains. I look up at Eric and he has scratches all over his exposed skin that sink softly away.
The doctor comes over with a needle, and I fight against Eric, to no release.I don't even try to regain normal human consciousness, I am an animal for the few seconds I am awake.
As the needle pierces my arm, I welcome the darkness, in hope of peace.
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I am in a blurry world of swirling, soft colors. I just swirl along, weightless as I watch the colors form Ying-Yangs and other shapes. I don't want to leave this peaceful place, but a part of me is sobbing and in despair over me.
I am so numb, so limp, so tired of reality and the confusion of life. Why can't I stay here in this peaceful place, forever happy? Why can't I leave the confusing, hurting mess that is Life behind?
I contemplate this for a while, drifting deeper into the underwater swirling fog, before I find a reason.
Because I can't do that to Racheal or Eliza or Eric. I leave behind the colors and I immediately feel my worries, my cares, my luggage I can't leave behind.
I hear Eric, heartbroken. He's speaking, but I can't hear him.
The heart monitor squeals next to me, and I cannot hear the beeps that signify my heart's activity. I can only hear the loud squeal that means it flatlined.
He shakes my body as a bunch of alarms go off, beeps, squeals and screeches of machinery. I hear the professional voice of a doctor tell Eric it is all right.
"I'm sorry, Alpha. We can't save her."
The heart monitor abruptly stops, and I sense it was unplugged. The death cries of other machines are also silenced, one by one. The finger thing that measures my pulse is taken off.
I hear the doctors exiting, but Eric still holds my hand.
"Alice. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault." He gasps, then repeats louder.
"This is all my fault. I should have protected you. I should've taken the fight farther away, I should have told you..."
I dig deep for all my strength, and I manage to utter his name.
"Eric" my voice sounds like an ugly croak, but he treats it like the most gorgeous sound in the world.
He calls in all the medical personnel, and after a few minutes I can flutter my eyes open.
The heart monitor beeps gleefully, and Eric is laughing.
"What did I miss?"