This cruel world [Levi Ackerman x Neko reader]

9.

Captain's words didn't leave my mind for days.

Something I wish to do.

Even though I had many paths open at this point, I lacked a goal. I wished to fight, however, I couldn't exactly say what for.

Hearing cadets talk about fighting for humanity made me feel almost helpless. Humanity?

A picture of a beaten figure of my mother being thrown on the floor and carelessly being kicked makes me become lost in thought once again.

No, fighting for humanity requires faith.

A thing I lost long ago.

"You doing okay, (y/n)?" A warm voice reaches my ears. I flinch, caught off guard, realizing that I had stopped midway dinner. The silhouette of Armin Arlert appears in front of my eyes.

"A-ah.. yeah.." I hesitantly nod, putting spoonful of soup into my mouth. Cold. 

I stare at the bowl confused. Just how long have I been lost in thought?

"Everyone has already finished eating." as if he had guessed my thoughts, blondie answers, sitting on the other side of the table. "You seemed lonely, so I thought you could use some company."

I look up to him and his bright blue eyes. My ears flick in confusion. Catching my questionable gaze, suddenly he becomes flustered.

"Unless you find it bothersome, then I'll leave-"

"I don't." I get another spoonful of soup.

A warm smile appears on Armin's face, as a slight blush paints his cheeks. He scratches the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed from his emotions.

We sit in silence as I slowly finish whatever is left of the soup. Even though we don't say a word to each other, his presence does help me get my thoughts together once again.

"Hey, Armin.." I gently put down the spoon. Who could've thought that I'd be the one who starts a conversation. "Why did you join the survey corps? Why not go somewhere where it is safe? Why here of all places?"

This question catches Armin off guard and a surprised expression paints his face, however, it soon changes into a soft one, as he squeezes a cup of warm tea he had brought with him.

"Sometimes I wonder too." He silently admits. "But I don't feel right being cut off the outside world. It fascinates me."

I nod, trying to understand his point of view.

"That's part of the reason I joined." he smiles and takes a good sip of the tea. "There are people I wish to protect, however. And that was my main reason."

Seeing this small guy's eyes glisten with courage made me feel almost fascinated. Being able to have such a honorable goal. What a strong guy. 

Armin silently sits, awaiting what I'd say next.

"I wish I could have such a noble view on life." I suddenly admit, partly surprising even myself. I pick under my nails, trying to keep my composure together. "I am a bastard child of a noble who took my mother by force after buying her."

Blondie's face immediately becomes serious as he patiently waits for me to get my words out.

"When he used her, she was thrown away. She lived as a beggar until I turned four, barely surviving herself. I could hear my mother's cries for help in her sleep each night, as she tried to escape the nightmares she had endured. And yet each day she lived with a bright smile. It wasn't the best life, but it was better than being dead."