11.

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This whole morning tension could be felt throughout the headquarters. It was soon time to set out and no one knew who would come back here alive.

Since there was no need for any help, it was decided that I would not lead the corps out the gate. So I wished to spend every second I had left with everyone before they move out, trying to calm them down.

 I could finally hear the door open, and I pushed myself off of a wall I had leaned on. Captain Levi looked at me, surprised, but soon his expression went back to serious one. It was my first time seeing him in such a mood.

He was wearing his full gear, dark green cape covering his silhouette. Even though it suited him, seeing him ready for battle made me feel unsettled.

"It is soon that we will move." Captain spoke first, closing the door and stopping in front of me.

I couldn't say anything, just clenching my hands into fists. Somehow, I felt scared. I didn't know that being the only one to stay would put so much worry on my shoulders.

What if they don't come back?

As if he had guessed my worries, captain sighed. Once again a warm hand appeared on my head, but this time it was not that much of consoling as it was teasing - without hesitation he ruffled my hair, making a messy monster out of me.

"Sir!" I quickly grabbed his arm, making him stop. Baffled I stared with disbelief. "What are you-"

"I won't die, (y/n)."

My eyes widened from surprise. He said such an uncertain promise so confidently.

A small puff escaped my lips. Out of all the people he was the only who would be able to say it with so much ease.

"And don't you dare think of doing anything dumb while we're out." Captain finally patted my head normally and lowered his arm, hiding it under his cape. "You'll be the one in charge here while I'm away." 

Quickly I saluted, taking in his orders. He can trust me with that for sure.

Captain nodded, finally starting to walk across the corridor and not soon after, I followed. Everyone was already outside waiting for orders to move out. I look over to the youngsters with worry, and wave to them, soon getting the same gesture back.

Everyone calmly waited as the dark-haired captain jumped onto his horse and looked up with pure courage in his eyes.

"All troops, move out!"

A loud confirmation answered to his command, and they all started to move. That awoke a kind of desperation within me. I think it would be better if I stayed with them!

I almost turned around to go grab my gear, when I stopped. No, (y/n). Don't be irrational.

They will survive.

They have to.

I clenched my hands into fists, and took in as much air into my lungs as I could.

"YOU BETTER LIVE YOU BASTARD!"

I could see some cadets turn around to check on me and what I really said, trying to figure out who I was saying that to. The troops were almost all gone, I could barely see some left showering in the warmth of the sun on top of the hill.

It looked as if he might've not heard me until one troop rose his hand in response, not looking back. He got the message.

A pathetic smile decorated my lips as I sighed, leading the last cadet over the hill with my eyes.

I stood there for a good minute even after they were gone. The headquarters, always filled with so much life now simply stood there in silence, hiding behind my back.

With a big motion, I gave it all to a slap on the cheek.

"Get it together (y/n)." I clenched the burning palm into a fist and with just as much courage as Levi moved into the battlefield, I walked into the building. 

"Now you must become stronger."  

<><><><>

At first it was weird to be alone in this huge building, but it didn't take me long to get used to it. I kept myself busy so that I could avoid having difficult thoughts and worries.

I knew that they would come back all tired, so I divided my day's activities into two parts. From early morning until lunch I took my time cleaning this place and trying to figure out how to bake so that when they come back, I can help them fill their stomachs with some fresh bread and warm potatoes. 

After having my cooking experiments for lunch I moved on to personal training- ODM gear training until dark and reading books in the dining room until I couldn't process any more information. I managed to go through many books about first aid, further medicine and engineering. 

After I gained enough knowledge to be able to create my own ideas for inventions, I occupied Hanji's workplace where I started sketching out the idea of more of a personal item than a new invention for the survey corps. I knew that using their resources for my own personal gain was selfish, but I was ready to do whatever it takes to not let myself worry.

It took me three nights to get my project working - a new style of ODM gear that would better fit my anatomy. It did not include the drastic blades, as I was able to use my natural skills of nail sharpening for battle, and the main controllers for gas and hook managing I decided to throw away for mobility purposes. Getting rid of those and rather making them into more of a glove- like mechanism, running down my knuckles and up the arms would let me use my hands in combat if required.

It was way more efficient than the ODM gear when it came to person against person battle and I knew the moment with a flick of a wrist and some fingers that I was ready.

I was finally good enough to be able to protect captain.

"Not captain, Levi" I gave my cheeks a slight slap, punishing myself for this missaying and once again felt my heartbeat pace fasten.

It had already been ten days since they left and I could feel it. Their mission was coming to an end.

As if being haunted by the thought of missing their arrival, I could not sleep that night. The headquarters we're sparkling clean, my gear was ready to surprise Levi and I had readied two rooms for incoming patients with medical treatment equipment presented in place. All of the cadet's rooms were also ready for their arrival, as well as the stables - all perfectly layered with fresh pack of hay and cleaned out.

Everything was ready and waiting for them to return.

 Cold wind played with my locks of hair as I sat on the rooftop of the building, looking into the direction they had disappeared in that day. I looked up, staring into the stars, not knowing what to do. I felt as awake as ever.

"I wonder why I can't sleep." I sighed, playing with the familiar sound of my gear cackling as I folded my hand into a fist and then back to flat again and again.

I couldn't help myself but wonder if Levi was looking at the stars just as I was looking at them. The thought of both of us being under the same sky consoled me. It didn't feel as lonely.

Finally, after a long hour of sitting in the dark, my eyelids started to feel heavy. I needed to go sleep.

Stealing the last glimpse in the direction of the wall, I sighed. I'm sure he's okay.

He promised to be.

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