𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑ᵃʳⁱᵃⁿᵃ ᵍʳᵃⁿᵈᵉ

ten

ten - confessions to a brother

——

i sat in my room at teresa's house a few hours after i had taken ariana home. after amari's outbreak, i had decided it'd be best if we just stayed over at teresa's for the remainder of the week so i didn't have to deal with him again. i know why he didn't want to go back "home," it was the same reason i didn't want to. but i knew of we stayed away too long, the consequences would be even worse for me.

i sat on the edge of my bed, my leg shaking furiously. steve had gotten home an hour ago. he took a shower and came into my room to say goodnight, but i knew he was still awake because i could hear him shuffling around.

i leaned my elbows on my knees and rested my head in my hands, letting out a deep breath. steve was just a door down, all i had to do was walk out of my room and walk into his and tell him. that's all. but those three simple steps were like hell to me.

i had pondered over this decision for hours, thinking about it even before my little rendezvous with ariana (which i greatly enjoyed.) it was in the back of my mind constantly, and it had been there for five years.

i pushed off of my knees to pull myself off of my bed and began to pace. should i tell him? no, i shouldn't. it'd tear him apart. but not telling him is ripping him apart, daniel.

"shut the fuck up." i whispered to the stupid ass voice in my head. it called me daniel and thought it was so fucking funny. it's not.

you've gotta tell him man. can you imagine how he feels right now? you told ariana, whom of which you've known for like a week, and have never uttered a word to steve, whom you've known for over a decade.

i continued to pace and i tugged at my hair from the roots. i looked towards my door, my eyes focused on the doorknob. "fuck." i muttered and strutted over to the door. i opened it quietly and took gentle steps over to steve's room.

my hand hovered over his door, ready to knock. i took a deep breath, in and out, and knocked gently. i took a step back and cupped my hands over my nose, breathing out through it. "shit, fuck, fuck." i whispered to myself.

the door swung open and i looked up from my hands. steve stood there in basketball shorts and a random t-shirt with his phone in his hand, open to his messages with zayn. i didn't read any of them because it wasn't my business and looked into his eyes before taking another deep breath. "hey, i needa talk to you. please." my voice came out quiet.

he shut off his phone and shoved it into his pocket, stepping aside so i could walk in. "yeah, c'mon." i stepped into his room and immediately took a seat on his bed, bouncing my leg just as i was doing in my own room.

steve shut the door and walked over to sit in front of me on his computer chair. "you okay, man? from the look on your face i can tell this is important." he pointed to my face as he spoke.

i bit my lip and scratched my nose before swallowing my nerves. "i just—i wanna talk about—about eight grade." i cut straight to the point. steve's face hardened but at the same time softened at my words.

he nodded softly, "yeah, yeah. of course."

i took in a deep breath through my nose and put my hands into my face again. i could feel my eyes getting heavy and my nose becoming plugged up. "fuck. i just—i don't want you to look at me differently or anything. promise me—promise me you won't?" my voice was soft and it sounded like a child begging not to be told on.

steve's eyebrows stitched together and he brought a hand up to my shoulder. "i promise, danny." i nodded at his words before taking a deep breath and kept my eyes in the floor so i didn't have to look at him.

i cleared my throat and began my confession. "so, um. it was eight grade, like i said, and um—fuck—my mom had her friends over. they were, uh, like drinking and smoking weed and shit." i took a deep breath to control myself and gather my bearings. "they were like really fucking loud so i couldn't sleep, and i took a sleeping pill to fall asleep, finally. wh—when i woke up i couldn't—shit—i couldn't m-move my arms, you know? and uh, so i looked up and saw that my—my hands were t-tied up with the belt i was wearing, b-because i hadn't changed before i went to sleep."

"um, i couldn't move my legs either—and i, um, and i felt something on me. you know, on me. so i looked down and—one, one of my mom's friends was—she was, y-you know." i took a deep breath and sniffed. "when she saw that i was awake she—she got all the way on t-top of me and she p-pulled her dress up and—" i tried to keep talking, but my tears were choking me up, preventing me to do so. my breathing was heavy and uneven, and i began to sob.

"i-i'm sorry i didn't tell you i just—i," i could barley speak. steve was still silent. "god, fuck, please. please say something, stevie. please." i sobbed harder and brought my knees up to my face, crying into them.

i heard steve move and i felt the bed dip beside me before i felt his arms wrap around me. i heard him sniff, and i realized he was crying too. i immediately fell into his arms and sobbed into him like i did ariana.

"i'm sorry stevie. i'm sorry." i hiccuped into him. i felt steve shake his head in top of mine and heard him sniff heavily again.

"no, no, danny. it's not your fault, alright? i'm not mad. i'm not mad." he repeated and rocked up back and forth. i shifted so my whole body was practically on top of him, holding for dear life so he wouldn't let me go. we cried into each other and held each other like we were going away forever.

"i love you so much, danny. i'm so, so proud of you, yeah? so proud of you. i know—" he cut himself off with his own hiccup. "i know how hard it must've been for you. fuck, i'm so sorry i didn't notice. i'm so, so fucking sorry." he held onto me tighter.

"no. don't. you couldn't have known, okay. you've helped me more than you've known, stevie. you saved my life, so many times." i latched onto the back of his shirt and pulled away to wipe my face. "i love you stevie. thank you."

he held my face in his hands like ariana did and kissed me on my cheek, nose, and forehead repeatedly. "i don't know what i'd do without you, man." i spoke as he caressed my hair.

he dryly laughed through the tears that were streaking down his face. "you just said it—you'd die." he laughed again, me joining in with him. i wrapped all of my limbs around him and fell back onto the bed, pulling him on top of me.

i unwrapped my legs from him and instead held him tightly by his neck. "i love you again, danny." his voice was muffled by my sweatshirt.

"i love you more, stevie." i spoke into his hair. he laughed. "i love you most."

i smacked him gently on top of his head, giggling, "that's my saying, asshole."

——

yayy we told bb steve. he deserved to know, hes the og 🤞

kinda short but i will post tomorrow and its probably gonna be super long, ive got lots of thoughts brewing.

u better've liked it 🤨, i love you <333