Elliot

Eight

"How was school?" Dad asked.

"Just fine. I'm gonna receive exam results tomorrow."

"I'm sure you did great, son."

I smiled. "I do hope so, Dad." I went to my bedroom and flopped myself to bed. I wish I could disappear for a moment and come back in a few hours.

My thoughts were drifted automatically to Tobias. I tried shaking them away but I couldn't. They didn't want to go away. They were planted on my mind, growing.

I thought about his eyes. His wicked brown eyes that is so beautiful when lights illuminate them. His dark hair that looks so fluffy I think could touch it all day. His hand that has bruised knuckles, sometimes I want to hold it so tight and pretend that the pain would go away from him. The warmth of his body when I embrace him. And his smile. His contagious goddamn smile that I can't help but look forward to see everyday.

I am so confused about what's happening.

What do I feel? Why do I feel it? Why does it only happen whenever I'm with Tobias? Why is he so special?

All of those questions have the same answer: I don't know.

Dad called us for dinner. So I went to the table and ate with my family. Clara was all in talking about how her day was bad. She said something about boat load of schoolworks she needs to do and how she lost her phone but found it after twenty minutes of searching.

Dad was, as the tease he is, just laughing the whole time when it came to the phone story. Clara would say, "It's not funny, Dad. I almost had a heart attack."

Then Dad would say, "A heart attack? Ha! I don't really know what would happen to you kids when you don't have your phones by your side."

"Clara just said it. She almost had a heart attack." I would say.

"You're teaming up on me again? Wow."

Dad and I laughed. Clara rolled her eyes and finished eating. A few seconds later, Dad and I would finish eating too.

Clara washes the dishes while I dry them and put them in place. And Dad would be cleaning the table. After doing all the chores, we headed to our own bedrooms.

I didn't sleep that easily. My mind was racing. So I grabbed my phone and played a game for a whole hour. But it didn't also work.

Then I played a video of pandas eating bamboos on youtube. Before I know it, my eyes were feeling heavy and I drifted to sleep.

***

I dreamt of myself.

I was in a field, standing. Alone.

The sky was orange. It was windy but the air wasn't cold. Instead, I felt warm. Far away, from a distance, stood a person. I didn't know who it was, but I knew that they were familiar.

I walked closer to the person.

I found out it was someone I knew because a smile formed on my face the moment I saw them. Then I walked faster.

When I was close, I tried reaching. But I couldn't. I couldn't reach him. Something was pulling me and I already knew what it is.

Doubts. Fear. Confusion. Judgement. And more doubts.

I tried letting out from their grasp. But they're more powerful than I thought. Their grip was tight and I couldn't even move anymore.

I glanced at him, only to see that he was just standing there, waiting to be uncharted. It came to my mind of realization that he was indeed something. And that something is what I've always wondered throughout my whole life.