Elliot

Twenty-Nine

"I think I'll have another one."

"Aren't you full?"

"Well, if I am I wouldn't be thinking to have another." Alvin devoured his last two burgers and now he's thinking to have a third one.

"You can have mine." Clara pushed her plate with a half-eaten burger.

"No. You finish that. It's a crime to not finish a burger." Alvin said.

"I'm not really a burger kind of person so, no thank you."

Well, Dad was there to grab the plate. "I'll have it." Then he took a bite from the burger. I guess now he loves the burger here too. Alvin stood up to order another burger at the counter. Tobias and Clara were talking about a TV show that I have no fucking idea what was about. So I stood up and told them I'll be outside.

When I stepped outside, I saw Claude leaning on the pick-up. He was smoking. From afar, he looked just like Tobias. Just with a beard and the taller scheme. I walked up to him.

"If it weren't for your beret, I'll assume your just one American fella."

He laughed. "You're a funny kid."

"Some people say that too." I also leaned onto the truck beside him. Jersey sky was fading into black. Summer would be over soon. But that's how things were-they come and go.

Claude offered me a cigarette. "You smoke?"

"Used to."

"What made you stop?"

"Your son." I knew I was smiling.

He chuckled. "Why, does he not like you smoking?"

"It's not that. Tobias doesn't really mind about the things I do. As long as it's not badly affecting me or him. He doesn't really have a problem with it, at all. But I just stopped. I don't know why I did. But it feels good somehow."

"That's a good sign. It means you're really into him." He took back the cigarette and put it in its box.

"Yeah. I guess love really changes a person."

Then we were quiet. There were people leaving the diner. I heard Claude blew a smoke. Silence does make a person anxious. "I never saw him that happy," he said. I looked at the window of the diner where Tobias was seen laughing. He did look happy.

"He told me about what happened to him. I never felt so devastated hearing a story from a person before." I said.

"That story will always be a trauma for him. Maybe even for me." He blew another smoke. "I was so scared the first time I saw him in the bathroom. He was just there, laying on the ground, lines of blood on his wrists, his knuckles were bruised. And he wasn't moving at all. I hated myself that I couldn't do anything to help stop what's going on inside him. I wish I have known earlier. He could've never done any of those horrendous things. Our minds really are the killer of our own selves."

There was pain in his voice. I could imagine Tobias being in that situation. I don't think I could take that sight either.

"At least now he's in a better state. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, Claude. As well for Tobias."

He was quiet again. "I wish he could've seen himself the way I see him. He couldn't accept himself for being who he was. I've told him hundreds of times that there's no reason for him to blame himself from what happened. It wasn't his fault that his mother left."

"Only the society makes us feel bad for our selves even though we shouldn't be at all."

He threw the cigarette on the ground and killed it with his foot. "You know, back in my days, I was also having troubles on how to live a life according to how the world tells me to. It's like living in the shadows of every people around. You're hiding from them, but really, you're hiding from yourself."

"Hiding? Why would you hide?"

"Judgement. People will, of course, judge you. They'll judge you not because they just want to. They'll judge you because you're different. And 'different' was me. I learned that if I continue to hide myself from the world, then what would it do good to me? It's the thing about life, Elliot. You have to accept what it gives you. Otherwise you'll be living for other people, not for yourself."

The thing about dads was that they always knew what to say. If every father could be a writer, the story they would tell could open the minds of young teenage boys like me.

"Was it hard for you, Claude?" I said. "To finally accept who you are?"

"Accepting yourself would always take time. I'd be lying if I told you that it wasn't hard, but the truth is you just need to have your own time." He did that one dad-pose that looked like very manly. "I tell you what, you look that way, you see an attractive guy walking towards you but you don't know what to do. So instead of walking the same direction, you turn around. But then, you see a woman who looked liked a goddess yet you still don't know what to do. So you did the same thing and walked away from them."

"I think that's a real struggle."

He laughed-and he sounded like my dad. "Attraction really is a struggle. And labels, they are a struggle too. Doesn't matter who you really want or who you like to love. What matters is your happiness. I think, that should be applied to our world today."

Claude Antoine. He was also a man full of words. I wish there'd be more people like him. "You're an intelligent person, Claude. I wish I had a brain like yours."

"I think you are too, son."

We were quiet again. Or maybe the world was quiet. Because there was laughter playing on us right now.

Tobias was walking towards us. He was wearing a smile on his face. His smile, such a simple thing, but it would always make me happy.

"I'm glad Tobias has you." Claude said. It was a beautiful thing to say. "Can you promise me one thing, Elliot?"

I nodded.

"Protect my son. Protect each other-whatever the cost. It's you two against the world of judgement."

"I certainly will. I'll never let anything break us apart."

He smiled. And I smiled back. "You two would make a good poem written in a book made by the poets of love."

"Who are the poets of love?"

"You," he said. "And Tobias."

Romance, art, life-those were the things that made the world a beautiful place. I felt a hand slipped around my waist. "I heard my name. I hope I'm not in trouble." Tobias said. His dad ruffled his hair and laughed. And I kissed him in the cheek.

"Your father was just giving me the 'dad talk.'" I said.

Tobias made a face. "Jesus. I hope he wasn't scaring you to death."

"C'est très méchant de ta part, fils. (That's very mean of you, son.)" Claude said. But he was grinning.

"Love you, Dad." Tobias spoke with an attempt of his American accent.

And I laughed really hard.

We all did.

Sometimes joy does follow you anywhere. And sometimes you could create your own joy.