Devils Den

61

Did I just– oh god, I just outed myself.

"You what?" Jude's face contorted in utter disbelief.

"I–" This is what I wanted, right? For him to hurt. I can't back up now, I've already told him. "I slept with Malcolm," I repeated.

"Well, this just got interesting." Emrys leaned against his desk, listening in to our conversation.

"Yeah, I heard you the first time." Jude rolled his tongue in his cheek and narrowed his eyes at me slightly before turning his attention on Emrys. He cleared his throat, "As I was going to say before Y/n rudely interrupted." He looked back at me. "It was either I tell Emrys, or Emrys tells Satan that a girl has escaped from below." Jude continued to look at me with emotionless eyes.

I'm screaming internally. Why didn't I let him explain?!

"Well, I suppose I'll let you two have a moment." Emrys smiled amusingly before walking towards the door, brushing my arm, and leaving the room.

"I–" I started.

"You don't have to explain yourself, you are free to do anything you like. I know I shouldn't be angry, but I am. Not at you but at myself." He sighed, looking towards the floor. "I suspected something would happen, no, I knew something would happen. But hearing it and knowing it actually happened hurts more than I expected." He finished.

I moved closer to him, cupping his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. "I'm sorry, I really am. I just felt really bad and he asked for this one thing, I felt like if I didn't do it I would feel guilty for turning him down and hurting his feeling even more than I have." Jude's eyes searched mine and rested his hands on my waist. "I'm not blaming, Malcolm. I'm blaming myself. In that moment, I did think of you, but I also thought of Malcolm. He knew I would always choose you, so he asked for this one thing." Jude averted his eyes. "Please understand." I pleaded and dropped my hands to his shoulders, my eyes teary.

It's my fault. I let this happen. I am to blame. I could have stopped Malcolm but I didn't. I let him advance on me. I let him have sex.

"I understand, I do and I'm okay with it."