Shaking || karlnap

19. binge

tw for sh near the end of this chapter!! also disclaimer, sorry for any typos or anything, the world was spinning when i edited this lol
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Karl's heart raced at those few simple words. Maybe he did have a chance with him, but for now, all he needed to be was a supportive best friend.

"That's cool," he smiled at him, "No matter what, I'll always support you, you know that. Even if you're not bi and you need time to figure it out, that's okay too. I'll always be your number one fan."

Nick smiled softly and tightened his grip on the other a small frame, "Aww then I have the best number one fan in the world," he chuckled as he glanced down to male laying on his chest.

Karl giggled, resisting every urge he had to kiss him, "It's the least I can do really."

"For now, why don't you get some rest though? It's late and you seem tired," he said as he ran his fingers through Karl's hair.

The brunette nodded softly, closing his eyes and eventually falling asleep in the others arms.

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Karl woke up to his stomach growling at him. He had fed it dinner and now it was screaming at him for more. It seemed like Nick was still fast asleep so at least no one would see him if he ate and he wouldn't have to deal with that embarrassment.

The clock on the kitchen showed that it was only two that morning, no wonder Nick was sleeping. He wouldn't binge though, he would just have a small snack.

He opened the cupboards, surprised at the amount of food there, but instantly reached for a bag of microwaveable popcorn and put it in the microwave.

It was just one bag of popcorn, he wasn't going to binge.

One bag of popcorn hardly had any calories in it...

He wouldn't binge.

After shakily putting the first piece of the snack on his tongue, he immediately craved more, stuffing handfuls at a time into his mouth, his stomach feeling warmer and filler with each bite. He didn't even bother to throw the bag away before finding another snack.

But he wasn't going to binge.

His thoughts blurred together and all he could think about was what to eat next, nothing else mattered besides getting all the food he needed and more. Maybe he could fill the empty void with filling calories.

But this wasn't a binge.

But the popcorn couldn't fill the void, and the ricecakes couldn't fill it. Neither could the cookies, nor the grapes, nor the protein bars. The list of what he ate was a blurr that couldn't fill his empty void.

But it still wasn't going to be a binge.

One bite after another, he had made his way through uncountable amounts of rice cakes and an insane amount of calories.

Calories. Fuck. How many calories did he just devour? He didn't even waste time by running to the bathroom, he leant over the kitchen sink, shoving his fingers down his throat, throwing up all of his guilt down the drain. He desperately tried to constantly push his fingers deeper, wanting every last calorie out of him. He felt dirty with all the food inside him.

Once he realised that he was completely dried out, he used the tap water to wash out the sink before falling to the floor. His back pressed against the still open cupboards as he bit into his arm to keep his sobs quite.

A black square on one of the empty packets caught his eyes though and he shakily reached over for it. The nutritional label was blacked out. He quickly reach for another packet to see the something, it seemed to have been repeated on literally everything...did Nick do that for him?

He had memorized the amount of calories in most of his safe foods anyways but he knew Nick was trying his hardest to help him and he appreciated it. Yet here he was, crying on the floor, surrounded by crumbs and packets.

While trying to see through the black markings, the bag scratched against his skin, causing his arm to bleed and his eyes to widen. Maybe that's how he could get the food out of him.

He threw the packet down and reached over to a draw, taking a knife he never used and holding his wrist over the sink before cutting into it like a slice of cake. He panted heavily as he watched the blood spill, it hurt and it stung but he seemed to feel clean as he watched the red flow down the drain.

"Karl! What the fuck?"