Shaking || karlnap

30. visitor

"Karl Jacobs, you have a visitor."

Karl had been sitting in the inside area on the couch and staring blankly at the wall in front of him. It had been a month of being in the clinic but each day had felt the same, they were all blurrs of meals and therapy and drowning in self pity.

Visitors weren't usually allowed but the one month timestamp was apparently an important date.

"A visitor?" He asked in a whisper as he shakily stood up. He had put on a small amount of weight in that month. It wasn't that noticeable but it was enough for him to notice and enough for him to feel like he was taking up slightly too much space in whatever room he was sitting in.

The lady nodded with a comforting smile as she walked next to him to help him. "It's the nice man who drove you here."

"Nick?" He hadn't even spoken to Nick since he had dropped him off  here and he was still dripping in guilt from those two words he had said to him. He missed him though. They hadn't even been together for more than a week before he had sent Karl away. He fucking missed the boy but he was still angry. His therapist had told him it was a fear of abandonment and he couldn't seem to disagree with her.

Nick was sitting in a small decorated room with a couch and a small coffee table. It looked like a waiting room but Karl assumed it was because visitors weren't very common.

"Karl!" The other smiled eagerly when he walked into the room. He immediately stood up and went over to hug him, holding him tightly in his arms. Karl's hoodie still felt loose around him but his bones were slowly becoming less prominent.

Karl hugged him back, burying his face into the others neck. "You...you sent me away," he whispered as he let go of the hug.

"Karl please...do we have to do this right now?"

"Yes, you sent me away."

"Stop saying that..."

"Why?"

"Because I feel guilty," he sighed and sat down again. He sat down and tapped the space next to him. Karl reluctantly sat down but kept his eyes fixed on the ground.

"I feel guilty," Nick continued, "Guilty that I couldn't help and guilty that I let it get so bad. I couldn't live with it-"

"Couldn't live with it?"

"Just let me speak this time, I promise you can yell at me afterwards."

"Okay..."

"I wanted you to get better and I couldn't help. You just seemed to be getting worse and it felt like I couldn't do anything about it. Do you know how guilty that made me feel? I would lay awake at night just so I could stop you if you tried to do something. So yeah, I took you somewhere for professional help and I did it because I love you. This was hard for me as well and...I want you to come home."

Karl shifted in his seat a bit, he had been too focused on himself to even think about what Nick was going through. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "This place has been pretty nice I guess," despite not talking to the people there too often, the place itself was beautiful and the views were at least something nice to wake up to each morning.

"Do you think you're ready to really recover now? Because I spoke to them and you're allowed to leave if you agree to therapy three times a week and to stick to a meal plan," Nick spoke softly as he reached over for his hand.

"Three times?"

"Just for now, it will get less over time."

Karl nodded as he fiddled with his sleeves before looking at him again, "If it means it will help me get better than I'll do it. I want to get better."

"I'll let them know," Nick smiled