Bucky Barnes X Y/n: I hate you, I love you

Chapter 19

'Bastard, you had no right', I shout as soon as I'm in the meeting room and slam the door behind me, the team were giving there report after a mission and I only woke up three days after the stupid drug took over my body and when all the realisation came back, I was more pissed then I've ever been.

'I was only looking out for you', Coulson says and it doesn't stop me from scoffing, 'looking out for me, you had no right putting drugs in my system', I said and ball my hands into fists, I was ready to hit another wall and break a few items.

'It was a sedative to help you sleep faster', he tries to explain and when I want to say something, he interrupts, 'you have gone without sleep for nine months, do you know how that sounds', he asks me.

'I know exactly how it sounds, do you think it's easy for me to sleep in an unknown environment', I shout at him, 'this is all new for me, your the one who abandoned me here, so what else was I supposed to do', I ask, and in an instant his face drops into something that's unrecognisable.

'I never abandoned you, I only put you hear to protect you', he tries to get point across, but it all just falls onto deaf ears and I simply just shut down, no more being the nice girl, so I stand straighter.

'I don't need protection from anything, you should have known that since the beginning', I said, 'I don't want anything from you nor anyone, it looks like I have become weak and simply need to remind myself that nothing and no one will get in the way of my revenge', I don't need to explain myself, but it's good to say it out loud so everyone understands me, 'from now on, I don't want nothing from anyone, I don't want your sympathy, I don't want your kindness and most certainly, I don't want you or anyone to care about me, as far as anyone is concerned, I am going to be a good soldier that gets shit done when expected to', I said and he's in shock.

'Y/n...', the next words get stuck in his throat and I'm nodding, 'it's good that you understand, Agent', I said the last word to make it real and it looks like it when he face looks like it's lost all hope.

'Y/n', one of the team members says my name, but I simply ignore them and walk out the door.

________

Once the mission report has been given, I take the gun I had been cleaning and the other equipment, usually after the report, Coulson would ask how everyone's day was, so I wasn't really needed for this part of our meeting, even though it's been about a month, it's easier this way, at least I didn't have to be disappointed again and it needed to stay that way.

I get up from my seat, grabbing the last few items I had and prepare to leave, 'Y/n', Coulson's voice stops me from taking another step and I move my eye from the exit to him, I haven't looked at him since the incident, so when I do, he looks like a ghostly version of himself, like he hasn't slept in weeks and feature almost dishevelled like, usually he's so put together, now he looks like such a mess, he looks whiter then usual, like all the blood has drained from his body.

'Was there anything else Agent, because I think the team already discussed the whole mission, you should be...', I begin and stop talking when he stops me from saying another word by talking, 'I think this tantrum of yours has gone on long enough', he says.

'Tantrum, that's what you call it, I call it an invasion of my trust, you've lost it so now this is strictly professional', I said and then go to leave.

'What do you want me to say huh, I was helping you sleep better, made sure the sedative didn't give you nightmares because I knew that's what kept you up, so what else would you want me to do to say I'm sorry', he tells me with a soft sigh and I stop and look at him again, I didn't know the last part, but it didn't matter.