the 1 | chaennie

5. Fearless

This album is called "FEARLESS," and I guess I'd like to clarify why we chose that as the title. To me, "FEARLESS" is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshman year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again ... even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's FEARLESS to stop believing them. It's FEARLESS to say, "you're NOT sorry", and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright ... That's FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That's why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."

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Over the next two years, she worked on her second album. It was filled with songs she wrote all by herself again, covering her years in high school and the more recent events in her life. There were songs about the beginnings of her career, about the relationships she built and broke during that time. She wrote about her mom, she wrote about Talia, and about school, and how she'd loved her and lost her - without naming her, of course - she wrote about a song about Romeo and Juliet in twenty minutes on her bedroom floor, after reading the play over that summer, imagining a happier ending for them and unknowingly creating the song that would launch her career into worldwide stardom.

And then there were the songs about her first girlfriend, the moment that she met someone and thought that it was love, and was left heartbroken. Her first relationship was with a singer called Bae Suzy. To Rosie, she was Suzy. At thirty-two, it should've been a warning sign that the singer took an interest in Rosie, only eighteen, still young and naive, too inexperienced in the world of love to even know how a relationship properly worked. Still, Rosie was too young and too flattered by the attention of the older woman, and when they met at one of Suzy's shows in Miami, Rosie found herself enamoured by the woman. It was a surprise when she was invited backstage, finding herself shy and bashful in the company of the older woman, and even more of a surprise when she found herself being picked up by Suzy's driver a few days later.

Quicker than she had time to think about it, she found herself dating for the first time in her life. She didn't tell her parents, or Chanyeol, or even Irene or Hyeri, keeping it to herself as she accompanied her new girlfriend around the city, under the guise of a budding friendship. She watched Suzy play in bars, strumming her guitar and wooing the crowds, the girls in the front row screaming her name and igniting jealousy within Rosie, an unknown emotion up until that point. They went to late night red carpet events, our to lavish dinners with Suzy's entourage, and were followed by paparazzi whenever they were in public.

But it was a whirlwind romance. Rosie thought she understood love, had written enough songs about it and watched enough movies, with the passion and the drama, to think she knew what it was supposed to be like. When Suzy ignored her for a week, Rosie chased after her, showing her that she was interested, that she was there and eager to please her. When Suzy was in a dark mood, too drunk to even stand on her own two feet, pupils dilated from some drug or another, and Rosie would tiptoe around her, an uneasy feeling building in her chest as she waited for her girlfriend to snap at her. She'd call her, wondering which version of her she was going to get, whether it was the sweet Suzy, who would tell her about her day and tell her that she'd bought her a gift, or the drunken one who would hurl nasty words at her, put her down and walk all over her, just because Rosie was too young to know any better.