the 1 | chaennie

28. The Last Time

You find yourself at my door,
Just like all those times before,
You wear your best apology,
But I was there to watch you leave,

And all the times I let you in,
Just for you to go again,
Disappear when you come back,
Everything is better

Right before your eyes,
I'm aching, no past
Nowhere to hide,
Just you and me

This is the last time I'm asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I'm asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye

-

"I know you've said you still love her, even now, but has there ever been a point where you've just wanted to give up?" Nayeon asked, looking so perplexed that Rosie couldn't help but laugh.

Tilting her head to the side, she gave her a searching look, brow puckering faintly as a warmth blossomed in her chest. "Of course. I've wanted to, and I have. But that doesn't change the simple fact that I love her. For better or worse, I just- I've never been able to stop. And I don't know what that says about me, but ... haven't you ever loved someone so much that you just can't stop, no matter what you do?"

Eyebrows raised and mouth curling into a smile, Nayeon shook her platinum head, eyes shining with amusement as she let out a sharp laugh. "I can assure you I've never loved anyone that much."

With a snort of laughter, Rosie shrugged and gave her a droll look. "I suppose that's just the hopeless romantic in me that life still hasn't managed to stamp out."

"God, it sounds like it's tried."

Shoulders shaking with quiet laughter, Rosie's red lips twitched and she arched a brow as she gently shook her dark tresses. With a faint sigh, she blinked slowly, deflating in her seat. "It's tried so hard that I think it's blind faith that's kept me going after all this time."

"And how's that working for you?"

"Blind faith?" Rosie said with a droll smile, "oh, well I'm here, aren't I? I never would've imagined this is where I'd find myself all those years ago. It almost felt like an impossibility."

"Would you have done something like this back then, if you could?"

Pausing, Rosie opened and closed her mouth, her expression darkening as she sat there in the leather armchair, thinking carefully about her answer. It was a slow time coming, and she let out a hesitant laugh as the silence dragged on, feeling everyone's eyes on her with such scrutiny that it was unnerving. Interviews always managed to have that effect on her in the moments where Rosie became hyper-aware of the attention. It felt magnified in the intimate setting of this one.

Slowly, she shook her head, a thoughtful look on her face. "No. No, I don't think that I would."

"No?"

"I think ... I mean, I was only twenty-two, and I think for me ... there was so much pressure on me at that point in my life that I don't think I would've been mentally equipped enough to endure whatever reaction this interview will bring on. I didn't know then that the pressure I was under would be nothing to what I'd go through later on, and I think my experiences later on, with the whole world against me ... I think that was when I realised that I really had nothing to lose. What else could they do that hadn't been done to me before?"

"But surely that backlash isn't something you want after this interview airs."

A thin smile crossed Rosie's face. "Of course not, but I know not to expect anything more from people. For some inexplicable reason, they just love to attack me. And I get it, I'm an easy target with my love songs, and oh I'm rich and have a long list of ex-boyfriends because I'm such a slut. But none of that's true, and I hope that this shows that and it might make people stop and realise that they really don't know me at all. So I'm hoping the response will be positive, but if it's not, I know I can handle it."