the 1 | chaennie

40. I Know Places

They are the hunters, we are the foxes
And we run
Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it
My love

Baby, I know places we won't be found
And they'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down 'Cause I, I know places we can hide
I know places

They take their shots, but we're bulletproof (I know places)
And you know for me, it's always you
(I know places)

In the dead of night, your eyes so green (I know places)
And I know for you, it's always me
(I know places)

-

"It's the things I'm not proud of that have led me to this point. For years, I've had to bottle everything up, and it's just- it's too much. Living with all that tension for the past fifteen years it's- well, I don't even know how it'll feel once it's all out there. It's going to be very strange, I know that much."

"This secret must've become a very big part of your identity."

Nodding in agreement, Rosie's brow puckered with a thoughtful expression as she shifted forward and reached for the mug sitting on the coffee table. Picking it up, she settled back in her seat and gestured vaguely with her free hand.

"It's not just that though. There are more secrets linked to that secret, and that was sort of the lynchpin in keeping it all together, because once that came out, everything else would crumble. Right now, it's like I'm unravelling a well-crafted web that my career has hinged upon for so long. In a sense, I'm not quite sure who I'm going to be once this is all over. Everyone's spent so long cultivating this image for me that's in direct contrast to the person I really am. Of course, people have always tried to tear that image down on their own, but this is like- it's like burning the entire house down."

"Surely it's a relief though."

Taking a sip from her mug, Rosie shrugged her shoulders and lowered the cup, leaning back in the armchair as she drummed her fingers on the side of the mug. Her mouth felt dry, so she took another sip and pressed her mouth into a flat line.

"Amongst other things. Of course, that's the overwhelming feeling, but ... there's fear. I'm not above admitting I'm scared of this, and what comes next. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I ... I'm feeling a lot. A lot of that comes from years of being told to feel a certain way about it, and I'm still trying to unlearn all of that, to let go of it all. I'll be honest, this is not a good industry to develop yourself in, especially when you enter it as a child. All that scrutiny is not healthy."

"And now you just ... what? Is the purpose of this to send a message? Make a statement? Purely just to clear the air for you?" Nayeon asked, a bewildered look in her eyes.

Pursing her lips, Rosie tilted her head to the side as she deliberated for a moment. "Maybe all of those reasons. I think ... it's important to show how the industry controls and manipulates people. But this is also for me. For my own peace of mind and as a way to heal old wounds."

"Old wounds meaning Jennie."

"Yes, but also my own. There's a lot I haven't told you yet, things that hurt a lot, and it's not all to do with just my relationship with Jennie. A lot of things stemmed from that, the need to protect it or deflect from the truth, and it kind of ... well, it came back to bite me at times. Being in the spotlight during those times wasn't exactly fun. I had to step back and reevaluate a lot of things in my life that ultimately led me here today."

"Well, I'll be the first to say that I'm glad you decided to do this. You're something of an enigma in the celebrity world. Everyone knows you, you're very open and giving, yet there's this drama surrounding you that just doesn't ... fit. It doesn't fit the person that you are. We've met before, several times, and it's hard to reconcile that person with the person in the media. It's like you're two different entities. I know you've already explained a little bit of the why you've been branded all these things, but I think this is going to be a big deal for your fans too, to get a real look into who you are at the core."