the 1 | chaennie

51. So It Goes...

See you in the dark
All eyes on you, my magician
All eyes on us
You make everyone disappear, and
Cut me into pieces
Gold cage, hostage to my feelings
Back against the wall
Trippin', trip-trippin' when you're gone

'Cause we break down a little
And when you get me alone, it's so simple
'Cause baby, I know what you know
We can feel it

And all the pieces fall
Right into place
Getting caught up in the moment
Lipstick on your face
So it goes
I'm yours to keep
And I'm yours to lose
You know I'm not a bad girl, but I
Do bad things with you

So it goes

-

"I saw her ... a few times up until the end of the second leg of the North American tour in October. Sometimes I was only in town for a day, so if she was free we'd see each other. Most of the time it was late at night, after we'd been out for dinner with friends, or after a late rehearsal for her. It ... worked surprisingly well. There was a sense of freedom to it, to not have to put in the effort that comes with a relationship - not that I didn't want her back, or to talk to her every day - it was just if things lined up ... we'd see each other. They were little moments in the midst of a hectic tour where I could find peace. I cherished them, even though I knew they meant nothing. In a way, I was able to move on more by just having casual sex and the odd conversation than I could doing cold turkey. I didn't disillusion myself; it was just ... nice to have a friend."

"Did Jennie feel likewise?"

Contemplating for a moment, Rosie made a faint sound of agreement, biting her bottom lip as she nodded thoughtfully. "I think she did. I knew about her struggles, her past, all the things you tell people in relationships, so there was that understanding, that familiarity and comfort, without needing to get into it all. It was ... unspoken. The infrequency of our encounters made it so that we didn't really have time for things to get personal. I'd be gone again the next day."

"I don't see an easy way out of this for you," Nayeon said, a clouded look of concern on her face, eyes flickering with pity.

With a short laugh, Rosie rolled her eyes, "there wasn't an easy one."

-

Her last show in the states was in Tampa on Halloween, and the next day Rosie was back in Chicago for a mere week. Sleeping off the flight and the effects of a fourth-month-long stint of near-nightly shows, Rosie's first stop was a mandatory date with Jaehyun, despite the fact that he'd been in the audience of her Miami show only two nights before.

They hadn't been able to put much effort into their PR contract while she'd been on tour, but Rosie had still footed the bill for a couple of trips for Jaehyun. He'd gone to her Fourth of July party, and lunch in LA a couple of times with mutual friends. Even though Krystal was Jaehyun's ex, she was a welcome addition, and Rosie had spent more time talking to her and Taehyung than her fake boyfriend. Back in Chicago, their first outing was nothing more than a papped coffee run and a walk up and down the block, feigning unawareness of the photographer Hyeri had called from one of their usual PR companies.

She held hands with Jaehyun and they barely spoke a word to each other, before they were back in the car and she sank into the leather with relief, her tense muscles loosening up as she took a sip of the bitter coffee and closed her eyes. Rubbing at her sore temple, she sighed, eager to get back to the new townhouse rental in the West Village so she could go for a swim in the indoor pool and collapse back into bed.

"Should we get breakfast?" Jaehyun asked, looking up from his phone to give her an easy smile, fixing one of his gold chains, his biceps straining against the sleeve of his too-small t-shirt.