Im sorry

1

When Erwin had gotten the text at 2:37 am that his boyfriend had been brought into the hospital, Erwin sighed heavily and got out of bed. He threw on whatever clothes he could find that looked presentable enough and after grabbing his keys out off the little hook they hung on he was out the door and into the chilly night.

Erwin had been dating his boyfriend, Levi, since his senior year of high school. Levi was a mentally ill who got caught up in the wrong crowd while Erwin was an A + student who focused on studies more than partying. How the two managed to start dating Erwin wasn't really sure. All he knew is that they were in love and still together almost 5 years later.

Erwin gripped his steering wheel as he stopped at a red light. He hated how this was normal to him. Waking up at 2 am to pick a high Levi up, take him home, yell at him, then ignore him for a few days. Before the entire cycle started once again. As much as Erwin loved Levi he was sick of the drugs and the constant fights. It pissed him off that despite how many times this continued to happen, Levi refused to go to rehab.

He wasn't really sure Levi started to turn to drugs. All Erwin remembers is Levi coming home one night high a few years ago as fuck with drugs in his jacket pocket. Despite how much Erwin asked him Levi never told him where or how he had gotten the drugs. Never told him when or why he started doing it. Erwin had just assumed that Levi needed excitement in his life and partying and getting drunk with Hanji anymore wasn't enough anymore.

Hell Erwin can't even remember why he decided to stay with Levi after finding out about the drugs. He told himself every time this happened that he stayed with Levi because he love him because Levi was unstable and needed someone to be able to call when he got in trouble.

Pulling into the parking lot of the hospital, Erwin took a deep breath before taking the keys from the ignition and getting out of the car. He walked slowly across the pavement trying to think of something, anything to say to Levi but nothing came to mind. He was so tired of this cycle and he knew no matter what he tried to do to help Levi would shut him down.

Walking through the sliding doors of the hospital he saw Mary, a nurse he had gotten to know a little too well over the past 3 years. She smiled and waved at him and Erwin could only bring himself to shake his head at her. It was too late for this. He was tired and just wanted to go home. He had to be at work in 3 hours.

"Hey sugar, how can I help you?" Mary asked as he approached the desk.

"I'm here for Levi, again." He said.

"Again? Sugar this is-" Mary started.

"I know, just can we hurry this up?" Erwin shifted his feet. "I have work in the morning and I haven't slept all week."

The woman nodded and motioned for him to follow her. He followed the nurse close on her heels. She scolded him for being so anxious but when she saw the look on his face she went quiet. Together the two walked towards the nurse who was pulling an IV out of Levi's arm. Levi's hair was messy, the top buttons of his shirt open revealing a black and blue hicky Erwin knew he did not give him. Erwin took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down as Mary pulled a clipboard out of nowhere.

"Your boyfriend's here to take you home again," Mary grumbled.

Levi looked up and when the blonde's boyfriend opened his mouth to speak, to make up anything dumb excuse as to why he was here again or to say how sorry he was for doing this again. Erwin could only shake his head and run a hand through his hair.

"Let's go." He demanded.

Mary handed Erwin the clipboard and as quickly as possible Erwin signed discharge papers as Levi slid off the bed, his eyes glued to the blonde. Erwin watched as Levi buttoned up his shirt as if he didn't want Erwin to see the hickeys scattered on his pale skin. Mary patted the man on the shoulder and said he was doing god's work taking care of Levi. Erwin only shook his head and thanked the nurse for helping him get this done quickly. With Levi finally ready to go and by his side, they walked out of the ER.

Erwin unlocked the car and climbed in, Levi climbing in as well. Erwin watched as Levi's hands shook as he grabbed the seat belt. The drugs always make him shakey. Erwin thought he buckled his seat belt without much effort and put the keys into the ignition.

"Win, I can explain." Levi breathed as he buckled his seat belt.

"I don't want to hear it, Levi," Erwin whispered, starting the car.

"Win, baby, please-" Levi begged, hand touching Erwin's arm.

"I am tired Levi," He said, looking his boyfriend in the eyes. "I just want to go home."

The raven was silent for a moment before nodding his head and sitting back in his seat, hands wrapped around the seat belt going across his chest. Erwin gripped the steering wheel tightly, trying to hold in his feelings. He thought he could make it once without mentioning anything but after seeing those marks on Levi's neck.....

"Looks like you had a good time." He said finally.

"I'm so sorry Win, I never meant to-" Levi's voice cracked, and for a moment Erwin thought he actually cared.

"Obviously I'm not enough for you." Erwin forced out.

"No Win, I-I your more than enough." Levi was quick to assure him.

"And yet you turn to drugs and sleep with other people." The blonde looked at the Raven.

"The drugs help with the feelings, the anxiety," The raven says. "The men.......I...Win I'm not aware when under the influence."

Erwin didn't answer, only turned into the street they lived on. Trying to hold back the tears in his eyes. He parked in the driveway and let out a shaken breath. The raven unbuckled and shakily got out of the car. The blonde took a deep breath before doing the same. Going inside the house he walked straight past his boyfriend and into the bedroom. The decision was one he made last minute but he knew it was the only option for him. He pulled out his backpack and started throwing clothes into it. He threw his charger into the bag along with his laptop for school and the folder of tests he had yet to grade. He made his way down the stairs to see Levi standing in the hall, tears falling down his beautiful face.

"Erwin you know I never meant to hurt you." The raven says.

"But you still hurt me, Levi. You leave randomly during the day and then I have to come to get you at two in the morning because you are high. I beg you to try rehab, to get better and find a healthier way to cope and you freak out at me. I try to be a kind and loving boyfriend who gives you everything and you...you still sleep with other men." Erwin responds.

"Win, baby you have no idea how sorry I am." Levi takes a step towards Erwin.

"I'm leaving." He stated.

"Erwin no please," The Raven's eyes went wide and he grabbed Erwin's arm as the blonde tried to walk past him. "I'll go to rehab I-I'll find a new way to cope."

"I can't do this anymore Lee." Erwin shook Levi's arm off.

"Erwin please don't leave." Levi sobbed.

The blonde turned to face his boyfriend then. He took in how Levi looked as if this actually affected him as if actually cared about Erwin leaving. Erwin knew that it was a fake act. Levi may have cared years ago but he didn't now. Nothing mattered to him except the drugs.

"I'm sorry Levi," He whispered, looking down. "I just can't do this anymore."

"Win, please. I will do anything just please, please, Erwin." Levi reached his hand out, more of those tears falling down his face.

"I love you, Lee." That was all Erwin said before he closed the door behind him, the sound of Levi sobbing echoing in his brain.