Im sorry

2

Levi couldn't recall how long it had been since he had sat down on the floor of the kitchen and started drinking. Erwin had finally done it. Erwin had finally gotten so sick of Levi that he had left. Despite the pain, Levi felt inside he knew that one day Erwin was going to leave him. That had been doomed from the start. Erwin Smith had always been so kind and so god damn smart while Levi had been mentally unstable and chose bad habits over good habits. That had been fucking doomed from the start but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt when Erwin walked down those starts with that backpack on his back, saying he was leaving. He can't recall a time he had been so scared.

He knew he fucked up though. He had promised Erwin not even a month ago that he wouldn't do it again and yet he had done it again and this time he had fucked a random guy too. Levi took a large swig and dropped his head. He had fucking slept with someone else. He had cheated on Erwin. Erwin had done nothing to deserve it. Erwin who had been dealing with Levi for 5 years and loved him deeply and gave him a better life than Levi deserved. On top of that Levi had just let him leave. He didn't own up to his actions as he should have, he just begged for him to forgive him. As he had for years-

"Fuck!" Levi let out a nose of anger and threw the bottle across the room. He had hurt Erwin. He hurt Erwin for so long that he had left. Instead of letting Erwin help him, he pushed him away.

Levi's hand came up to his neck where he knew Zeke had marked his neck. Zeke. Just the thought of the shaggy blonde made Levi's stomach turn. Zeke had been the guy he had been getting the shit from. He had always taken care of Levi while high and was always the one to drop him off at the hospital when Levi might have taken a little too much. Tonight Zeke had offered to make him feel good and stupidly Levi had agreed. Levi swore he could still feel the man's hands on his arms, his lips messily against his neck.

Levi stood up and grabbed the edge of the sink, feeling the sudden urge to vomit. He could feel the bile in the back of his throat. If he closed his eyes he could remember the feel of Erwin's steady hands on his back, rubbing it in smooth circles. He could remember the way Erwin would kiss his temple and tell him that it was okay.

"I'm so sorry Win," He whispered into the dark.

Levi stood up and glanced at the clock. 5:00 am. Levi dragged himself from the kitchen to the bedroom he and Erwin shared. He glanced at the mess in the room as now. Clothes were spilling out of drawers, papers from students scattered across the bed, shoes out of place, headphones were forgotten on the dresser.

Slowly and carefully he cleaned the room. He took out one of Erwin's shirts and set it on the bed along with some sweatpants. He folded and put away the clothes Erwin had left behind. Put the shoes back into the closet and tucked the headphones away carefully in his boyfriend's nightstand. He picked up the papers and stacked them on the nightstand.
Levi then changed into the clothes he had laid out on the bed and grabbed his phone off the dresser. There was one missed call from Hanji about an hour ago along with multiple texts.

From Hanji:
3:05am
Levi why is Erwin asking to stay with me?

From Hanji:
3:19am
Shortie please, he is a mess. What did you do this time?

From Hanji:
3:24am
I know you don't want help but I have the name of a rehab place that Miche went to.

Levi stared at the latest message before opening his phone and texting Hnaji back.

To Hanji:
5:30am
I fucked up really bad this time Han and I don't know what to do.

The reply was almost immediate. The fucker had probably been staring at their phone waiting for Levi to text them back for hours now.

From Hanji:
5:30am
You can start by going to rehab, after that we can figure out what to do.

5:31am
Going to rehab will show him you're making an effort to get clean.

With shaky hands, Levi typed his reply. He could feel an anxiety attack coming on so he tried to remember the breathing exercises that Erwin had taught him.

To Hanji:
5:32am
This was my last chance Han, I've lost him.

Levi watched the phone as the three bubbles appeared on the screen. He waited one-minute breathing deeply, then a second. By the time he was ready to shut his phone off the reply from Hanji was on the screen.

From Hanji:
5:37am
You haven't lost him Levi. You and I both know that Erwin loves you something fierce. He just needs some time to calm down. You've hurt and cheated on him quite a few times. I know you didn't mean to hurt him and I know you love him but Levi if you really loved Win you think you would've made an effort to try and get better for him? Or talk to him about what's going on? I understand you're scared to face the world and take meds but honey you can't keep doing this

From Hanji:
5:38am
I'm going to talk to Erwin and see if I can get him to text you. You two need to work this out and make plans as to what to do because seeing Erwin like this....it hurts.

Levi had never been the one to love seeing Erwin in pain either. Erwin was the type of person that just shut down when going through something and liked to mask his emotions so he didn't worry others. Levi clicked away from his text chat with Hanji and opened a new text chat

To unknown:
5:41am
Remember when you said I could call in a favor? I need to get away for a few days.

Levi set his phone down for a minute and took a deep breath. He didn't want to hurt Hanji or Erwin again. What he was about to do would make sure he didn't hurt them again. His phone buzzed and he picked up the device.

From Unknown:
5:43am
You're lucky I'm in town right now. Meet me at the bus stop in 20.

Levi let out a breath and put the phone in his pocket and grabbed as much as he could, shoving it not the bag. Clothes, shoes, chargers, headphones, blankets. He ran down the stairs and passed the picture wall as he went to the door. He took a deep breath before taking his favorite picture off the wall and shoving it into the bag. He grabbed his key off the hook and opened the door. Levi looked over his shoulder once before shutting the door and walking into the cool morning.