Im asleep in my bed, when i hear mumbling from the next room. i hear my sisters but then i hear a mans voice. 'SIMON' i thought to myself he came back to me. i shot out of bed , wrapped my dressing gown over me and walked, well i ran into the the living room to find it wasnt simon bur Ramin.
Oh no they have told him, i wanted to tell him and mandy together myself. i looked at him he was on the sofa with his head in his hands. i gave my sisters a sterned look but they just nodded there heads 'few, they havent told him' they why does he look so distraugh. "hello, ramin" ramin looked up and walked over me and hugged me tight not letting go, "why didnt you tell me sie" he cried i started to act dumb "tell you what" he broke the hug and looked in to my eyes "that you had surgery" he carried on 'few he didnt know about me dying, but to knew i needed to tell him now so i motioned us to go into my bedroom for some peace'
"ramin theres something i have to tell you, and i dont know how your going to take this," i start as i feel the tears coming "okay" he replied with pure fear in his eyes. "well i found a lump on my left breast a month ago, i went to the hospital to get it checked out" i stopped to take a breath, tears now starting to escape my eyes, which only makes it worse "I...I...I...I have cancer!" i sobbed all ramin could do was hug me and tell me it was all going to be alright "no, ramin its not, the cancer is too advanced im terminal." he shot up out of bed in shock "WHAT!" he started to sob "Ramin, im dying" i continued to cry he sits back down holding me in his arms and not letting go "how long do you have" he asked trying to hold back more tears "12 months" i replied hoping he wouldnt hear but he did. we both cried for what felt like an eternity. he lets go holding me but then i started to sob again as i thought of simon "whats the matter, sie" he asks again with his blood-shot eyes "its simon he never showed up to the hospital after my surgery, he left me, he was cheating on me, he knows im dying and still left me" i saw ramins eye turn angry his face became red "HE WHAT!" he shouts "HOW THE FUCK DARE HE" he continues summer and allegra hears him so they ran into my room to see him pacing around to calm down and me on my bed with my head into my hands "so you told him, eveything" summer asked i nodded back.
"ramin please can you bring mandy over and the boys i want to tell them myself i dont want them hearing it from anyone else as im going to be telling the fans later on today" i ask ramin. Besides from telling ramin and his family, telling the fans will be even harder, i hope they will all except it, i love everyone of them i would hate to see them hurt. i thought to myself. "sure okay, ill tel her to bring them over immeditaly" he replies "thank you" he gets up and kisses me on my forehead and walks into the kitchen for privacy to call mandy.
"they will be here in 5 minutes" he said with tears flowing down his face "you didnt tell her anything did you." i asked " no but i couldnt stop crying so she knows somethnig is wrong" he replied.
true to her word she was here in 5 minuetes, she knocks on the door, ramin answers it trying to look strong in front of his boys, as they both thought of me as their aunt and i knew they loved me. "baby, whats the matter" mandy asks him i can only hear mumbling from them "Sie is in her bedroom she has something to tell you."
Summer and Allegra went for a walk to give us some privacy. i saw little hadley walk into the room first he jumped on the bed with full force 'hes only 5 will he understand' i thought to myself jaiden came in after him and climbed onto my bed, hes 8 years old i know he will understand which scares me, they both hug me tight so i hug back even tighter, Mandy walks into my room with ramin walking behind her you can tell she is worried, she is white as a ghost.
i pull hadley onto my lap and jaiden to my side so they know there is something serious i need to tell them, i decided to tell them in a story that i will soon departure.
im going to tell you guys the story of heaven, ramin started to cry and walked out for he didnt want his kids to see him like tha mandy was a bout to go after him but i grabbed her hand "the story is for you too" i cried to her so she sat down and i began with the story:
so theres a place a beautiful place, called heaven, it has everything your heart desires anything you want you get, the boys eyes lit up with excitement "anything" hadley says "anything" i replied but the only way you can get to heaven is through your soul which means you wont be here with your loved ones, hadleys face looked confused but jaiden looked like he understood so i carried on with tears forming in my eyes, well i will soon be going to heaven, i stopped as i heard mandy stating to sob jaiden crawls over to her to see whats wrong "whats the matter mommy" we looked into each others eyes with despair."nothing dear" she replied. so i carried on, i will soon be leaving for a trip of a lifetime.
i finished the story "i just want you boys to know that i love you very much" i told them obviously the are both confused and didnt understand they will never see me again. "but you will come back right" hadley asks "im sorry sweetie but when i leave im never coming back" i replied with tears coming down my face "why?" he started to cry "can we come and visit you" he added "yes, but not for a very long" i answered they still looked confused so i just told them "sweties auntie sierra is dying" they understood that and started to wail "NOOO!" they both screamed "dont leave us please auntie sie dont leave us" they cried which tore my heart apart "im sorry babies but i must theres nothing anyone can do about it" i cried back at this point ramin comes back in to comfort his boys. mandy came over to me got into my bed and just hugged me tight eventually we all was under my covers hugging not letting go, the whole apartment was quiet our cries was all you could hear.
an hour passed and the boys fell asleep so Ramin, Mandy and I got out of bed and walked to the sofa in the living area. i continued to tell mandy about the surgery and then eventually simon anger was in her face to.
"im going to have to stay in a hospist now" i said "why?" ramin asked "because summer and Allegra has to go home tomorrow and i cant be on my own" i answered "no you will not, you will stay with us" mandy said "what i cant you both are busy with work and the boys" i quickly said "no, sierra your moving in with us and thats it, ill take a years leave of work to look after you." ramin said.
i hate that ramin was leaving Les Misrables to look after me i know he enjoyed it but he wanted to, they are such good friends to me i love them very much. later that day the boys were still asleep i decided to call everyone close to me and people who needed to know that i was dying first and then i told the fans in a letter to twitter and instagram which reads:
"my dear beautiful fans, this is sierra here, i dont really know how to tell you guys this so i guess i would have to just come out with it, i have breast cancer, and well its too advance and its terminal the doctors have informed me that i only have 12 months to live, i want you to know that im being well looked after and that i love you with all my heart and it pains me to know that im not going to be able to see your beautiful faces everyday, always remeber you are enough, you are so enough, its unbelieveable how enough you are." all my love Sierra Boggess
as soon as i posted it online i had messages and tweets and dm on instagram informing me that my fans are hurt. i broke down in tears as it pains me to see them hurt.
A/N this was such a hard chapter to write i had tears down my face, but i wonder what will happen in the next 12 months of her life.
Xoxo Megan
YOU ARE READING
A friendships tale (RIERRA A FANFICTION)
FanfikceWhat's the first thing that comes into your head once you have been told 'you have cancer' how are you meant to react? Will you survive? Will people be there for you? My name is Sierra Boggess and this is my journey to the end.
