The Aftermath

See You Later (Ten Years)

As my first semester at college is coming to an end, I get a text from Clay.

Message from Clay:
"Hey, So, I know it's been sometime since we last talked but I need you to trust me."

Message to Clay:
"Okay.... What's up?"

Message from Clay:
"Miguel is asking if he can have your Snapchat and Skype again because he wants to talk to you, but you can't tell anyone about it."

Message to Clay:
"Why would I tell anyone? I don't want to get my ass chewed out by my mother."

Message from Clay:
"He doesn't know what I know, ok? So just cut him some slack on that end."

He's not wrong. After Miguel and I broke up he messaged me before asking what happened and I gave him a brief synapses of what I could give at the time. He knows and I know that I wasn't the one behind all of this. But Miguel does not know that. Miguel also doesn't know that I don't tell my parents about my life anymore. I don't really talk to them. I'm just kinda....existing I guess.

Message to Clay:
"Go ahead give him all my information. I won't say a word to anyone I promise."

Message from Clay:
"Bet. Hope this goes well."

As I wait anxiously for a text to confirm he gave my information to Miguel, I feel myself shaking. I'm trying to mentally prepare for what might come from this...
This can go so many ways. And I don't want to cry, I don't want to fight with him... maybe we'll catch up and we pick up right where we left off, but that's an unreasonable expectation and it's not fair to him if he doesn't know the entire story. Do I even want to let him come back into my life if I'm not out of this situation? If I haven't left this situation? Probably not. Do I want to let him know how I am doing? That I drink and smoke like no other now and that I am with someone who I really don't care about or do I want to play it as if I'm better off so he walks away thinking my life is better off without him to give him a chance at a better life. I really don't-
My thoughts were then interrupted with a notification.

"Miguel has added you on Snapchat. Tap this notification to add him back"

Oh fuck. Lord... please don't let this fly south.
In this moment I decide whatever happens happens but I can only hope it doesn't go horribly. I tap the notification and it adds him. Then I wait for him to text me, while I anxiously watch the clock.

It's been ten minutes, is he changing his mind? Maybe he got some sense and decided against it.
Another notification from Snapchat interrupts my thoughts.
He's putting thought into these messages, maybe he's going for closure... then he's never going to talk to me again... it's probably what's best for him and I'm glad he's thinking for him. He doesn't need to think about what's best for me because my parents... well... they're not gonna let me go that easy.

Message from Miguel:
"Hey, Jessie. It's been awhile since we last talked... I just wanted to catch up... and I also had a few questions that were left unasked the last time we talked... can you Skype tonight?"

I start to tear up, I don't have a right to be upset. And I just want to give him what he deserves which is answers. He deserves the answers as to... what really happened. What I was thinking. But how am I ever... going to explain that my parents... we're going to whatever means they had to in order to end the relationship. How do I tell him that they were trying to get me to lie to a detective and say he raped me? And how do I tell him that when I called him that day, I was trying to alarm him?

Message to Miguel:
"Yeah... um... yeah that'd be great. I just have to wash dishes and put the kids to bed tonight."

It's not a lie, because I do have to do that, but it also buys me an hour to organize my thoughts. I haven't spent time, myself, trying to make sense of it all. How am I going to explain this? As I get up and begin to do my chores I listen to music and try to make sense of it all. As I am listening to the music I try rehearsing over and over what I will tell him in my head. I know I'm not going to beg him to take me away from here, I don't want him to deal with my parents anymore, but I will tell him the truth at least of what happened. That's what I decided, I'll even ask about if he's got a girlfriend back home and how it's going back in the country he's in and what not. It'll be nice. Just a simple catching up conversation that's it.