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☁︎
we walk up to the bleachers where jay and Heeseung sit beside eachother with me before them.
with absolutely zero narration skills, it takes me almost five minutes to clear the doubts in their heads. i really hope i have. i obviously skip the part from last night, i'd rather not provoke Jay any further right now.
i don't even know why it's such a big deal for Jay. Sunghoon might only trying to be friends, i mean. maybe trying to figure out my obsession like all of my friends used to because they'd "never met a weirder person before" is what they had said, when we had first met. maybe it's the same this time around too.
but then, i'm always stuck in maybes and it's not very reliable. when i finish, they both share a look, then look at me.
Jay massages his temple and places one hand on my shoulder, "so like you're telling me that Sunghoon is being friendly with you to an extent that you guys randomly hold hands and stray about, when it's barely been a week since you met him?" he stops and i nod. "you know i'd believe you but this is Park Sunghoon we're talking about." Jay is speaking in a very calm and hushed tone it's freaking me out a bit.
"i'd be surprised if he even considers us humans," Heeseung adds.
"there has to be a reason he's treating you like that, right Heeseung?" Jay smiles crookedly.
"wait, i get what you mean but he isn't that kind of person, even if i've known him only for a week, i know it. he won't hurt me." i guess. i try to convince them but i'm never sure myself.
"what? who said he's trying to hurt you?" Jay's voice rises suddenly. "God you're ridiculous! what i meant was, that he treats you specially, but he won't even spare anyone a look. how do i say this,"
"you read too many mangas"
"maybe he likes you," Heeseung comments. i must look petrified, because he rushes to add, "i mean in general, like yesterday when he dragged you out of the classroom, he was smiling like an idiot. even winked at us."
my chest curls as i am reminded of the mess i made yesterday.
"right! even Sunoo is acting weird these days but he won't tell," Jay whines "think about it yourself, would Heeseung hold my hand just because we're friends?
before i could speak, Heeseung instantly grabs Jay's hand earning a yelp from him. "what have i ever done to you?" Jay begs.
"both of you are overthinking." i sigh. they probably don't hear me over Jay's whining.
i stare at my palms and the events of yesterday start flowing back in my head. Sunghoon didn't come to school today like he had said.
why did i react that way in that moment?
lately my behavior has been bothering me so much, and it's confusing, the concept of warmth and cold at the same time, but i'm not dumb.
"Sunoo and Ni-ki are...,"
i can likely see where this is heading and i don't like it.
"you are overthinking!" this time i say it loud and firm giving them a hint that i don't want to lead this conversation on.
standing up, i start walking away from them but i get cold feet the moment i hear Jay shout, " you're still in denial, like you are, always! you know it too!" just when i'm about to turn over a soccer ball hits my face knocking me to the ground.
"ugh!" i wince in pain and i hear Jay cursing and Heeseung approaching me in a rush. my nose hurts also feeling runny and i touch it to spot deep red liquid on my fingers. of course.
"were you guys playing dodgeball with a soccer ball!?" Jay shouts at our classmates who are already apologizing.
"atleast watch where you throw." that's Heeseung's voice. "get up, let's go to the infirmary, you're bleeding." Heeseung pats my shoulder but i don't get up.
i can't.
the conversation from earlier has exhausted my body. i just keep laying on the ground with my eyes covered with my left forearm.
i can't say it but i am scared to face them, to face myself. uncertain of my behavior yesterday.
i'm sacred because a part of what they said – maybe all of it – might actually be true.
☁︎
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gawd this is so dramatic and long for no reason. . . jk everything here holds some significance. I hope you like my work and thankyou so much for reading●♡
