Hunter's Shadow

Chapter seventeen

You didn't feel like talking on the way back to the bunker. So many emotions one of them being anger was bottled up inside you, and on top you could feel to conflicting emotions of Sam, Jack and even Castiel. They were all anxious, confused and angry.
The weather matched the current mood of the situation as it was thunder storming, normally you found rain comforting. Now you just wished it would stop so it wasn't making the mood worse.

"Jack uh.. you okay?" Sam asked trying to start a conversation. Jack remained silent and that made your throat tighten. He was so furious at himself and he felt that was a monster. You opened your mouth to try and comfort him but Castiel spoke before you could.
"Jack, I've killed people who didn't deserve it… my friends– I've killed people I loved. I wish I could tell you that it– that it gets easier, that with time, it hurts less, but that would be a lie because it never does, " Castiel explained.

Jack whimpered at Castiel's word and you realized the angel wasn't really making him feel better.
"And those moments, they never stop hurting. But that doesn't mean that you should stop fighting. " he continued.
"Doesn't mean that just because you made a mistake – and that's what this is, Jack. It's a mistake. That doesn't mean that you can't– can't be better, do better. I believe that. I have to believe that." He kept going.

"He's right Jack, what happened was just an accident, " you said to Jack. He still didn't say anything so you kept trying to cheer him up. "It will be okay in time you have control of your abilities.. "
"Stop please just stop, " Jack pleaded interrupting you.
"Jack we still believe in you, " Sam said to him. Nothing worked though Jack didn't want anyone to talk about how it was just an accident. He had killed an innocent man, he had been so furious at Dave for hurting you that he lost it.

"I can't hear any words of reassurance right now, " Jack said before become silent again. You wished you could take his pain away or at least help him feel better. But as soon as you saw that even once he was at the bunker and he just sat at the library table. You know there was nothing you could say that would make him feel better.
"You okay?" Sam asked putting his hand on your shoulder. The action didn't surprise anymore since you had gotten used to it and you knew who he really was. You still didn't know how to tell him or if he knew the truth. But with all this angel killings business and now this, you just wanted to blurt it out before something happened to him.

"Yeah but Jack isn't, " you answered. "I wish I could do something, "
"I know Y/n so do I but all we can do now is be there for him, " Sam said to you. Realizing that your father had a point and for a brief moment you considered talking to him.
"Sam.. can I tell you something?" You asked. There was so much to say and you didn't even know how to start, and right now was probably the worst time. But what would happen if he went on a hunt and didn't come back, you would forever regret not telling him the truth. Your throat became raw and you felt like vomiting.

"Y/n you can tell me anything, " Sam answered oblivious to all the conflict inside your head. He was glad you were confiding in him as he wanted you to know that he would always be there for you. Even if he was worried about what you were going to say. Maybe you were scared because of what happened and wanted to run away. That was the last thing he wanted as he didn't want to lose you, or maybe you wanted to discuss your visions.
"I.. " you had the words in your head but they wouldn't come out of your mouth. Instead you just blurted out that you were terrified. "I'm so scared, "

"You don't have to be afraid I won't let anything happen to you, " Sam promised. He had already lost so much in this world including your mother, there was no way he would lose you. He placed a comforting hand on your shoulder and you teared up at his words.
"Promise?" You asked still fearful of not only the truth but the future.
"I promise, " he responded. You didn't leave his side after that and eventually the exhaustion of the hunt caught up with you. Jack was still sitting in silence and you thought about trying to talk to him, but knew that he wouldn't say anything.

Giving him a sad glance you head upstairs and got ready for bed. You still called yourself an idiot for not telling Sam the truth, if you had just said you're my father it would be off your chest.
"Why can't I just be honest with him?" You asked yourself.  As you sat up in bed wearing your night gown, you remembered what your mother had said about letting him come to you. How would he come to you if he didn't know? Maybe you just had to tell him in a way that wouldn't shock him or think you were joking.

Eventually you fell asleep and below you, Dean returned with the job finished.
"Good? How is that good? I killed someone. What was his name? The guard? Did he have a family?" Jack asked finally speaking.
"Jack don't do this to yourself, you were trying to help and... " Castiel trailed off when Jack interrupted him.
"I was so angry because I thought Y/n was going to die," he admitted. "Did he have a family?" Dean told Jack that he did but that didn't make the half angel feel any better.
"Jack, look, this life, what we do, it's… it's not easy. And we've all done things we regret, " Sam explained.

He was speaking the honest truth as he felt like he had many so many mistakes and bad choices in his life, especially regarding you.
"Just don't you are afraid of me, " Jack declared much to everyone's surprise. Despite all the consoling he was getting from everyone Jack was still convinced he was a monster and that he needed to leave.
"No, you're not. I thought you were. I did. But… Like Sam said," Dean told him. "We've all done bad. We all have blood on our hands. So if you're a monster, we're all monsters, " he continued. The older Winchester hoped that those words would convince Jack to stay but they didn't.

"No, you don't… Every time I try and do something good, people get hurt. I thought I was getting better!" Jack exclaimed.
"I'm not… I don't know what I am, but I know I can't make the world a better place, not like this! " he continued.

"I can't even do one good thing. And I know that if I stay, I'm gonna hurt you. All of you. And… I can't. You're all I have, " Jack was no longer yelling at this point. However his mind was made up, he had to leave and get far away. He felt bad about how hurt you would be by this and how everyone else would come looking for him. But Jack would make sure that he would never be found so that he could never hurt anyone again. Sam, Dean, and Castiel protested but Jack used his powers to push them away. "I'm sorry, " he whispered before vanishing.
"Jack!" Castiel screamed but he was already gone.
"He's gone, " Sam realized.

Hours went by and you saw the exchange in your sleep. You woke up a few times telling yourself to deal with it in the morning. It was just a dream and Jack would still be there when you woke up. But your nightmares didn't stop, in fact they got worse. You saw a nearly barren world where angels and demons were battling. Lucifer's red eyes as she stared down an injured Jack and took his grace. Your father was injured and blood was coming from his head. That wasn't all you saw, images of someone talking with Rani, yellow eyes of a prince of hell and the blue eyes of an archangel.

You woke up panting and crying, whether that was a vision or nightmare you didn't care. There was no way you were going back to sleep after that, the fear from your dreams was still present all over your body. You couldn't even get out of bed as your chest felt heavy each time you tried to breathe. Wishing you would just stop crying, you forced your petrified body to move. You needed Sam and that was the only thing you needed. Without thinking you opened his bedroom and saw he was asleep. By mistake you tripped while trying to sneak in, you fell flat on your stomach.

The lamp from the nightstand flicked on and Sam was surprised to see you out of bed.
"Y/n its late what are you doing up?" Sam asked. Without saying anything you hugged him and told him the truth the only way you knew how.
"Daddy I'm having bad dreams and I think they're visions like you once had, "