VIKINGS || GYDA

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟒𝟏

As the ship hit an abrupt stop upon the grassed edge of the river, I felt my heart drop. As Tobias carries me off the ship, I feel my worries and fears creep back into my thoughts. I left behind some troubles here in my ignorance. I snuck away from my husband without the consent of the king or my mother, and from that action Tobias was in a way forced to put everything on the line just to ensure I was safe. There was also the thought of my pregnancy. While I had done enough lying as it is, apart of me hoped to continue to do some more. I didn't want the people here to learn of my miscarriage. I feared what they would think of me. A heathen witch? A cursed barren woman? What scared me most would be the dislike and hate that these peoples already held to me being amplified. It pained me to imagine the ways they would tear Tobias away from me now.

Soon enough, I finally lay upon the soft duvet of Tobias and I's bed. He kneels beside me as he pushes hair off my face. He had been most attentive these past days— which wasn't new. I was proud to know my husband was as caring as he was brave.

He leans in. "Your mother is by the door. Will you see her?" His voice was soft as he presented another issue.

I nodded stiffly as I offered him a tilted smile. "Some of the party are gathering. I must attend. I'll be back soon." His lips brush my forehead as he takes his leave.

Her blonde hair comes into view first. At the sight of me do her eyes gather a pool of tears. But she works to retain them as she swallows and sits by my side, her cold exterior coming in.

"Now do you understand why I fight with you?" Her voice cracks as she beholds my dirt covered clothes, stained with blood.

"There is no pleasure in it for me. Everything I've ever done and do is always to protect my children from the harsh lessons of life that I had to learn firsthand." Her expressions of coldness drops as I exhale my tears. Because she was right. I've been so stuck in my ways— the ways of a child. Stubborn and misguided.

She sighs as she slides her hand onto my own. Her softer side now emerging.

"Perhaps I should learn not to be so impatient with you...You feel things differently, you have always been the goodness of us all." She then turns her head, like she was looking off into another scene. "I wasn't there for you Gyda. Nor was Ragnar."

"Mother it's my own fault I chose to fight—"

"No Gyda, I'm not talking about Mercia." She turns her eyes back to me, a deep sorrow emanating from her usual strong gaze. "The separation of your father and I was hard on you and Bjorn and how do I help it? By marrying a drunken fool who mistreated us."

Her eyes drop to her feet as she recalls her late husband. He was kind to her at the start, it was not her fault. We had nothing, she did what she thought she needed to.

"You were still a child when you were taken to commander Valda. You've grown up... I can't quite grasp it. What right do I have to talk down as if you were still my little girl? What I'm trying to say Gyda is I'm sorry I let you down. I hope you can forgive me."

Before I can muster the courage to speak back she is up and out of the room, her sobs escaping her palm clamped to her mouth.

My mind began to spiral at her confession. Have I really been doing this all on my own this whole time? Even when my parents were married one or both of them was usually off on voyages. Then they divorced, soon after I went with commander Valda. I realise that the short time I have been reunited with my family may be the only time we have truly been together.

It pained me to think she held such guilt. Did father? Maybe I should be angry at this but I didn't care. I loved my parents, I knew of their love and devotion.