She Has Fire

Chapter 6

I hadn't slept at all last night. All I could do was think of him. Think of Negan and the way he tasted, the way he smelled. It drove me crazy. I didn't know what I wanted and it annoyed me. I groggily walked to the cafeteria. I sighed as they poured globs of food onto my tray and went to sit at a table by myself. I needed to think. I needed to figure my shit out. I started eating when I saw someone sit next to me out of the corner of my eye. I looked up to see Lacey. The room had hushed. I had been told that there wasn't really a hierarchy with his wives, but Lacey was definitely the number one.
"Mary, right?" She asked with a bright smile.
"I..um...yes." I stuttered out. She was much prettier than I had anticipated.
"I'm Lacey. Negan told me about you. Said you might need a break. I offered to bring you up to our room. Have a girl's night." She said, her voice light,, yet commanding.
"I... that's nice of you, but I thought I had more training to do today." I said.
"Nope. Negan thinks you're ready. He's giving you the day off and I'm not taking no for an answer. Come on, it'll be fun! When was the last time you had a girl's night? Just sat around and did stupid shit?" She asked with a laugh.
"I have no idea. Not since before that's for sure." I smiled.
"Then it's settled! Meet me upstairs when you've finished eating. One of the girls used to be a beautician, she can do your nails for you! It'll fun!" She said bouncing out of her chair and bounding out of the room. Every eye was on her as she left. Part of me wanted to believe that this was just good intentioned, but another part thought this might be more of a spy mission for Negan. I had to be careful.
I walked down the halls to the room with big double doors. There was light streaming from under the door and laughter and music could be heard. A room full of women had never been so terrifying. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Lacey swung the door open with a wide smile.
"Mary! Come on in!" She yelled. I gave her a smile and walked in. The room was lavish to say the least, even by pre-apocalypse standards. There were about ten or so women in different groups chatting and laughing.
"Everyone! Hey! This is Mary! She's new so be nice."She said as someone paused the music.
"Are you a new wife?" A girl with long blonde hair asked.
"No. I'm not a wife." I said. They all looked a bit confused.
"A lady Savior. I like it!" Said a woman with black curls and dark skin as she came over.
"My name is Angela. Number two, I could see you wondering." She smiled.
"It circulates." Lacey chuckled.
"But we're always on top." Angela said in a proud whisper. The two giggled. I forced a smile. I had never been so uncomfortable in my life.
"What do you like to drink? You name it we got it!" Lacey said as she lead me over to the bar.
"Oh. I...I don't know." I said, my brow furrowing.
"Wait...are you saying you've never had alcohol before?" Angela asked as she sat at the stool at the bar.
"I don't think so. I was underage before the shit hit the fan. Never really had the chance." I shrugged, realizing another thing I'd missed out on because the world ended.
"When's your birthday?" Angela asked.
"September 2nd 1994." I told them.
"So you're twenty-two? You never got to have a twenty-first! That's bullshit." She chuckled.
"Well that settles it, we're throwing you a proper twenty-first birthday party!" Lacey cheered.
"What? Oh no, you don't need to do that." I protested.
"Nonsense! Every girl should have one! Jasmine! Go through the closet, I think we might still have that karaoke machine." She instructed. A girl jumped up with a big smile and ran off.
"Oh this will be so much fun! We should get you properly dolled up too! Come on!" Angela said as she grabbed my hand and lead me into another room, followed by Lacey. The room was painted a seafoam green color, the bed was large but didn't take up much of the room. There were chairs and a vanity all of which was a deep green, including the bedding. Angela pulled me over to the closet.
"Let's see what I have in here." She said digging through her clothes.
"Something to show off that figure for sure." Lacey said as she dived in too. I stood, unsure of what to do. Did they actually just want me to have fun? Why did that seem like such a far fetched idea to me?
"Oh! This one?" Angela pulled a dress up and Lacey examined it.
"Yeah, I think that's the one." She smiled as they handed it to me. I held the soft fabric in my hands and looked at it.
"Oh! We'll turn around. Sorry!" Lacey giggled as she and Angela turned to give me some privacy. I squeezed into the tight dress. It was royal blue and hugged the few curves I had, it showed off my breasts which I was not accustomed to.
"I'm dressed." I said crossing my arms in front of me. They turned and smiled.
"Don't be so shy. Show it off, you look great!" Angela said pulling my arms to my sides.
"I'm just...I've never worn anything like this." I gave a nervous laugh. They looked at me confused.
"A nice dress?" Lacey asked.
"Well...yeah." I said.
"How old were you when it all went down?" Lacey asked.
"Probably around fifteen." I said.
"You didn't get a prom either. Shit...that sucks." Angela sighed. Lacey turned and left the room for a minute and came back in.
"A combination twenty- first birthday and a prom. This'll be one hell of a night." Lacey squealed clapping her hands.
"Let's fix your hair." Angela said putting me in a chair in front of the vanity. She started brushing my long brunette hair.
"Why do you seem so nervous?" She asked.
"I...I'm not used to people being nice to be just to be nice." I told her maybe a little more cold than I had intended.
"Oh. I see. You think that Negan sent me for his own gain. It's fine. I totally understand." Lacey said putting a hand on my shoulder.
"There is one rule that will always be followed in our room. Women stick together. We don't rat on each other, we don't hate on each other. Well, we try not to hate on each other. But we don't do anything we don't feel comfortable with and if Negan doesn't like that, we stick together. No one in these quarters is going to give him any info on you. He did suggest that I show you a good time. Help you relax a little. But I did it of my own volition. I wanted to help you have some fun. You can relax in here. We're your friends first, his wives second. Even though he hates that." Lacey giggled. I looked up at her stunned. She seemed so commanding. Like she was the protector of the wives, she made sure they were safe and taken care of. Did that now include me?
"Um...thank you." I squeaked.
"You ever get a makeover?" Angela asked looking at me in the mirror.
"No. I've never worn makeup." I said. Her and Lacey exchanged a look and practically started dancing.
"This is going to be so much fun!" Angela cheered. Lacey giddily ran out of the room.
"So, I don't mean to be weird or rude or anything, but is what she said true?" I asked Angela as she started pinning my hair up.
"Oh yeah, absolutely. Her and Negan have gone toe to toe I don't even know how many times. He wants info on things and she refuses him. He's asked us to do some spying, none of do it. That pisses him off, but Lacey is always there to shut him down. He has a soft spot for her. I've done it too, but I was never the most commanding person." Angela smiled.
"Okay. Good to know." I said.
"Where did you get your hair? Mom or Dad? It's gorgeous!" Angela said.
"Both my parents have brown hair, but I think it's more my mom's than dad's." I smiled.
"Your mom must have been stunning." She gave my shoulder a squeeze.
"She was. She really was." I sighed at the memory of my mother.
"Your dad still around?" She asked.
"Um...he is. We don't...we don't have a great relationship. That's why I'm here." I told her.
"Oh, you're the girl from Alexandria? Negan was telling me about you a while back. He came back in a fit of rage after your dad smacked you. I've never seen him that mad before. Thought he was going to tear the place down." She chuckled.
"He only did it the one time." I said clearing my throat.
"One time is one too many in my book and Negan's." She said as she finished pinning up my hair.
"There! Hair, check." She smiled looking at my hair and admiring her work. It was pinned in a simple chiffon, something I could never do.
"Wow, it looks amazing. I could never even attempted this. Thanks." I laughed. Lacey came bounding into the room with bags in her hands.
"A couple of the girls and I learned how to make some makeup so we aren't putting rotting shit on our face. Okay, no looking until after. Part of the whole makeover experience is the big reveal." She said moving my chair so I wasn't facing the mirror.
"Just relax. I've done this more times than I can count." Lacey said, sensing my nervousness at being poked in the face multiple times.
"She is the best here. Steadiest hands in the place." Angela laughed as she sat on the bed. Lacey started putting globs of various colors on my face. I just watched as her face would contort and her brow furrow as she concentrated. About thirty minutes later she stepped back and smiled.
"I think that's good." She said crossing her arms with a smug smile.
"Shit. You look great. Not that you didn't before." Angela laughed.
"Go ahead. Take a look." Lacey said gesturing to the mirror. I turned in my chair and was taken back by what I saw in the mirror. It was my face, but it wasn't. I'd never seen it like this. I never knew my lashes were so long. I was comfortable in my skin for the most part. But I did like how I looked. I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the emotion creeping up.
"Wow. I...um...thank you." I mumbled.
"They should be set up out there. Let's go party!" Lacey cheered. I looked at them confused.
"Set up? What does that mean?" I questioned.
"Lacey loves a good party. Come on." Angela said dragging me out of my chair. I padded behind them in my bare feet. I walked out into the main sitting room and it was now covered in streamers and a disco ball was hanging from the ceiling.
"I...what?" I stuttered. How did they have all this stuff.
"It's not a perfect setting for prom or a birthday party, but it's better than most nowadays." Lacey beamed.
"Let's get her fucked up!" Angela laughed as she dragged me to the bar.
"We should go easy on her. It's her first time." Lacey said.
"I'll go easy. How about vodka soda? Simple, to the point." She said mixing the drink and handing it to me. I tentatively took the drink and sipped it. I tried not to cough but couldn't stop it as the alcohol burned my throat.
"Aw, you'll get used to it." Lacey laughed as she patted my back. I drank more and it went down smoother.
"There ya go!" She smiled.
"Let's get that karaoke machine going!" Angela yelled. I watched as she grabbed the mic and started singing, or maybe screaming is a better word, the words to 'hit me baby one more time.' I couldn't help but giggle as she danced around to the song and did a terrible Britney impersonation. Maybe I could relax a little.
I was four vodka sodas in when I found myself screaming the lyrics to 'Wannabe' by the spice girls, a favorite from my childhood. I stumbled towards the bar stools and plopped down.
"That was really good! You're a natural!" Lacey giggled next to me.
"We should take our shit on the road!" Angela laughed as she poured herself another drink.
"I'm sure there would be loads of people to see us." I said causing us all to laugh.
"Can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Why did you come here if you still have family in Alexandria?" Angela asked sipping her drink.
"Oh. I needed to learn to be by myself, I think. I don't think I know who I am anymore. Thought being on my own finally would help. I tried being there with my family, but they kept making choices I couldn't defend anymore. I had to take care of myself. And Negan......he was persuasive." I said sipping my drink to hide the smile that was creeping up.
"Oh boy do we know that." Lacey and Angela laughed.
"Not many women would do that. Go off on your own, try to find yourself, take care of yourself. We forget to do that. Your one badass lady in my book." Angela said clinking her glass to mine.
"Okay! On a lighter note! It is tradition here, that on your birthday Angela makes her world famous birthday shots!" lacey cheered, Angela gave a shout and started mixing. All the girls came over to the bar as Angela lined up the shot glasses on the bar and poured out a green liquid. I was going to ask what was in it, but thought better of it.
"So, I know it's technically not your birthday, but you get the song anyway!" Lacey yelled and they all started singing, more like yelling, happy birthday. They finished and handed me a shot and I tossed it back and slammed the glass on the counter, raising my hands in triumph as I swallowed the burning liquid. The room erupted into cheers as they all took their shots along with more cheers. I couldn't help but laugh. It was like the movies. Suddenly the door slammed open and in walked Negan and Simon looking confused.
"What in the fucking hell is going on in here?" He asked looking over to us.
"We could hear you all fucking screaming from outside!" He said. Lacey pushed her way to the front of the girls, her smile still beaming.
"Well, it was Mary's day off. I said I was going to show her a good time, I meant it." She said, her words slurring a bit.
"I get a good time, but is with the fucking streamers and disco ball?" He sighed. Simon was trying to stifle his own laughter.
"Okay, so, we were talking to Mary right? And we asked her what she wanted to drink and then she said she didn't know! So we were like, oh shit you never had a twenty-first! So we decided to throw her a birthday party! And we went to get her all dolled up for the night and THEN she said she never got a prom! So we decided to throw her a joint birthday-prom party!" Lacey giggled as she raised her hands above her head. Negan looked at her like she was insane for a moment.
"Seriously?" He said with a sigh. "Well, I guess I can't get pissed about this then." He shook his head with a laugh.
"Is it even her birthday? Where the hell is she?" He said.
"Oh my gosh! Wait till you see her! I did a great job, so did Angela!" Lacey jumped up and down as she ran over and pulled me out of the bunch of girls and towards Negan. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.
"Well fucking fuck me." He said crossing his arms.
"It's not my birthday. It's in september. But they wanted to be nice. I went with it." I said suddenly feeling self conscious and crossing my arms around myself.
"Don't get all shy on my sweetheart. You aren't shy, you showed me that already." He chuckled.
"Don't be so crude." I sighed.
"You had your dance yet?" He asked.
"My dance?" I questioned.
"Yeah. Ya know there is usually dancing at proms and birthday parties." He smiled.
"She hasn't! She most certainly hasn't!" Angela yelled from the bar with a wicked smile on her face. I turned and shot her a look.
"Lacey go put something on." Negan said. Lacey giggled and ran over to the stereo. A soft piano started filling the room.
"May I?" Negan asked putting his hand out. I didn't think twice, I took his hand in mine. He wrapped a hand around my waist and pulled me in close. I saw Simon walk over and take Lacey into his arms for the dance.
"Aren't you going to get pissed at Simon for dancing with Lacey?" I asked looking up at him.
"Nah. He knows the boundaries, so does she. A little dancing won't hurt. Plus it's prom apparently. Can't say no to dancing at prom." He smiled down at me as we swayed to the music. Ingrid michaelson's voice filled the room as she sang 'Can't help falling in love.' Maybe it was the alcohol taking effect, but it felt nice to be in his arms. He was strong, but he was being so gentle.
"Ya know if I had known this was happening, I would have been a proper gentleman. Brought you flowers, walked to the dance, held your nonexistent shoes, the whole damn thing." He smiled.
"Well, it's a good thing you didn't. I kill flowers. Never had a green thumb." I giggled.
"That so? Maybe I'll find you some of those fake ones. Keep your room pretty." He smiled.
"That'd be nice. I can put them by my window. It won't seem so drab." I sighed.
"All you had to do was ask. I'll get you whatever you need to make you feel better, Doll." He said. I nodded and lean into him, putting my head on his chest. I felt his arms tighten around me as we kept swaying to the song. I listened to his heartbeat. Something felt right about this. It felt right, being in his arms. We were shocked back to the real world when a loud, more upbeat song came on. I looked up at him as my arms fell away, as did his.
"Thanks. That was nice. You didn't have to, but thank you." I stuttered.
"Of course I did. Leave a beautiful lady without a dance partner? Not in a million years Doll." He chuckled. I kept eye contact, our bodies only inches apart still.
"Stay, if you want. It's party afterall." I smiled.
"Wish I could Doll, but we have an inspection to do. If you're still raging when we're done, I'll be here." He smiled.
"Simon get your hand off Lacey's ass, Lacey get your hand off his ass! We have work to do. Let the ladies party." He said grabbing Simon by the collar and leaving. I walked over to the bar grabbed another shot.
"That was steamy from over here." Angela laughed as she continued to mix drinks.
"No. It was...it wasn't...he was....oh god I'm screwed." I sighed putting my face in my hands.
"Negan does that to people. Ya know he's good to us. It won't be such a bad thing for you to give into your feelings." Lacey said.
"He killed two my friends and took my best friend captive. I can't just give in to some like that." I said shaking my head.
"Well you're people aren't so great from what I've heard." Lacey said.
"Lacey! She gets petty when she's drunk." Angela sighed.
"No! She's right! They aren't! We've done terrible things too! I don't know what I'm supposed to do." I sighed. Angela pushed another shot towards me.
"Don't worry about it now. Just drink. It's a party!" She laughed. I took the shot and giggled.
I had no idea what time it was, I didn't care that I probably had to work in the morning. I was having fun for the first time in years! These ladies were my friends now! We were all dancing to some old Shaggy song and laughing. Our bodies jumping up and down and grinding on each other. None of us heard the door open. My hair had fallen out ages ago and it danced on my shoulders and stuck to the sweat. I looked over and saw Negan standing, watching me as I danced. I stumbled out of the group and over to him.
"You...you came back!" I giggled.
"Haha...I'm a man of my word. You ladies look like you are having one hell of a time!" He laughed.
"Oh yeah! They're great! They are so nice to me. It's so nice." I mumbled.
"I bet." He chuckled as he caught me as I stumbled forward.
"Whoops! Sorry!" I giggled as I grabbed onto him. I looked up at him and his smile. I ran my hand up his chest and to the back of his neck as I pulled him into a kiss. It was sloppy and not as good as our other kisses, but it was still great. I pulled away, out of breath and looked up at him.
"Take me to your room." I demanded.
"Yeah. Absolutely." He said grabbing my hand and leading me from the loud room, down the hall into his. He closed the door and I was on him again, pulling him as deep into the kiss as possible. He picked me up in his arms and put on the bed, never breaking the kiss. I started fumbling with his belt, ripping it off and throwing it on the floor, when he suddenly pulled away.
"Goddamn it." He sighed as he got off me. I sat up looking at him confused.
"W-what?" I asked as he put his head in his hands.
"You have no idea how much I have wanted this moment to happen. For fucking weeks! But....I can't." He said through gritted teeth.
"What!? Why!?" I demanded.
"It's not right! You're not...you're drunk. It's not right." He said standing up and buttoning his pants.
"But...I said I wanted this! I want this!" I yelled standing in front of him.
"Maybe you really do. But I can't be sure it's you or the alcohol." He said.
"Is-is it the...the makeup? You don't like it? I can wash it off." I said trying to keep my eyes from tearing up.
"No! Doll, you look amazing with or without the makeup. It's just not right. I do still have a few morals." He said.
"Right. Fine." I said wiping my eyes with my arm.
"Look, I want to, I really fucking want to. I'm taking you back to your room. You need to get some fucking sleep." He said reaching for my hand.
"No! I-I can go back my-myself!" I yelled and stormed out of his room. I ran down the halls, my head lowered as I tried to hide the tears. I got into my room, locked the door and fell onto my bed and started sobbing into my pillow. What was I even doing?