She Has Fire

Chaptar 7

Negan's POV

It's been three days since the party. Three whole days and I haven't seen a sign of Mary. Simon and Laura were keeping tabs on her. Every time I'd try and talk with her she'd be locked up in her room and refuse to answer. I was trying to be a good guy dammit! She was pissed as hell and who knew when she'd stop.
"She needs space." Lacey's voice broke me from my thoughts and I turned to face her.
"It's been three days. How much space could she need. I just want to talk with her. Can you please just fucking convince her to talk with me?" I sighed.
"She'll talk when she's ready. She's embarrassed. She needs to feel confident in herself again." Lacey told me.
"Embarrassed? What the fuck does she need to be embarrassed about?" I asked.
"You of all people should know how hard it's been, dealing with her feelings for you. She finally let herself feel them and you said no. She was vulnerable and it stings when someone tells you no in that situation." She said.
"I only said no because she was drunk as shit. I didn't want her to feel taken advantage of. I was being a good guy. Now I'm being punished? How is that fucking right?" I sighed as I walked into my room.
"Never said it was fair. But she isn't in the wrong either. She's still young, Negan. Everything hurts more when you're young." Lacey said as she moved to sit on the bed.
"I didn't want to hurt her. I wanted to fuck her so bad, Lacey, I have never been that hard in my damn life! She left and I had to stand in the shower jerking off for at least thirty minutes.Damn." I sat next to her on the bed, head in my hands.
"It'll work itself out eventually. You're just going to try and be patient for once." She said rubbing her hands on my back.
"Because I real fucking good at that." I snorted.

Mary's POV

I couldn't believe what I'd let myself do that night. Let myself be so sloppy, so needy. Negan was being a gentleman. It was a first for me, I'd never seen him like that. I couldn't bring myself to see him or listen to him. I was hurt and I knew it was my fault.
I was walking to the cafeteria, not paying attention, keeping my eyes on the ground when I bumped into someone. I looked up to see Lacey smiling back at me.
"Just the lady I was looking for." She said.
"What can I do for you?" I asked.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing. Negan's been asking about you. I just thought you should know." She said.
"Oh. I see. Well, I'm fine. Just thinking." I said clearing my throat.
"Look, it's not my business or my place, but he really just wants to talk. He's starting to think he hurt you beyond repair. Honestly, I've never seen him this concerned about another human, besides Simon." Lacey said. It struck a nerve. I didn't want him feeling bad about it. He did do the right thing. But I knew if I saw him again, I'd be flooded with embarrassment.
"I'll let him talk the next time I see him." I said and rushed off. That night had gone so well. It was the most fun I'd had in years. I felt normal for the first time too. Every time I'd let my mind wander back to that night it'd start out nice. I'd remember the laughter and singing and then I'd wander back to the feeling of Negan's arms around me. His smell was so sweet, but it'd be ripped apart as he said no and the embarrassment and shame would envelope me.
I walked back to my room after dinner, still pondering what I'd do if I saw him. I stopped at the end of the hall, just a few feet from my door that Negan was now leaning against and knocking on as he spoke.
"Mary...please. I just want to talk. I need you to know you didn't do anything wrong." He said.
"I know that." I said as I walked up to him. He jumped at the sound of my voice and stood up straight.
"Oh. Well, fucking good thing then." He said clearing his throat.
"What do you want to talk about then?" I asked opening my door and letting him in. I sat on the bed and looked up at him.
"I haven't seen you in three fucking days. I just wanted to see you. Make sure you were okay. I mean, everybody's twenty-first ends in a shit storm. You should count yourself lucky it ended so well." He smiled.
"You're saying it ended badly. At least we can agree on that." I shrugged.
"I want you to know that I wanted to that night. But I knew you wouldn't feel so good the next morning. I didn't want you to go through that." He said moving closer to me.
"I appreciate what you did for me. And you're right. I would have regretted it happening like that." I said.
"Right. Well, I was thinking we could have dinner together tomorrow. Talk some more, get to know each other." He smiled.
"What? No. I won't have dinner with you." I said fidgeting on the bed.
"Why the fuck not? You said you would have regretted it happening like that. Well, let me treat you right." He said.
"No. I can't. I don't know if I love you and I promised myself that the f....that I would only have sex with someone I cared deeply for." I cleared my throat, hoping he didn't notice my slip up.
"Whoa....hold the fuck up. You were going to say first time. You're virgin. Shit. That is some interesting damn information." He said with a wicked smile.
"I haven't had a lot of time to fuck around since the world ended." I snapped.
"No. Too busy being a badass. Look, this doesn't change how I feel about you. I guess I'll just have to try and woo you." He chuckled.
"You really don't give up." I shook my head.
"Thought you knew that darlin'. Don't act like you don't like me. You know you do and I would make your first time fucking magical as fucking hell." He said standing over me, making me look up at him.
"That's not your decision to make. I choose who I sleep with. Maybe it won't be you." I smirked.
"Oh don't do that baby. Making me jealous...never ends well." He growled as he leaned down to cup my face with one hand, running his thumb along my jawline.
"You should mind your temper then. Fire only makes the world burn." I glared up at him.
"You would know. I see that fire in your eyes now. You look like you might kill me or fuck me right now. Tell me Mary, which is it?" He smirked. I didn't know myself. Part of me wanted to slap him, part of me wanted to grab hold of him and kiss him.
"Oh...you can't figure it out. Alright. I'll leave you to think then." He straightened himself, I found I was disappointed when he did.
"Get some rest. We have a run to Alexandria tomorrow. Pay a visit to dear old papa Rick." He laughed and left. Shit. What was that going to be like? How were they going to look at me? How was I even going to look them in the eye?