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there is a sun in my bones
a raging in my soul, burning blue flames of sorrow consume all that i am, all that i know
im overflowing with shame at things i can't control, and there is this deep urge to both fight for my life and let it all go
and i've always been soft & sad, blood spilled in snow,
i've always suffered so quietly and clung to sweetness of false hope
but this time if i must go....
after i've waged war with my demons and clung to life from the shadows...
my grief will paint the night and swallow the sky; sanguine strobes of vengeance, i will hate and howl, become a rebellious martyr and raise all of chaos & hell from down below
there is a sun in my bones
a raging in my soul, burning blue flames of sorrow that consume all that i am, all that i know
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Trigger warning: mentions of s*icide.
A/N: ive been so angry and agitated lately. im so overwhelmed at the moment i feel like i could cry. i never went through a rebellious/angry/angsty kinda teenage faze, i was mostly just sad and sort of wanting to "unlive"myself all the time. but now i am. (age 20, now) im so damn angry. fighting against wanting to "unalive" myself this time because i know i deserve to live and all that jazz, and ive spent all year recovering from an attempt i made on my life this time last year for the exact same reason that i tried to take my own life a few years ago (age 14). ive been fighting and doing everything im supposed to do to try and get the problem resolved but i need support. i tried to be stubborn and do it all by myself , to just bare all of it but i can't i need my family. and they're too damn toxic to even look out for themselves.
