Audios || KNJ 🔞

Chapter 17: Even if it Takes Losing Her?

Kim Namjoon's POV

The air in my lungs seemed as though it took its departure and the beating of my heart stopped for a moment as soon as the question uttered by my boss echoed in my head. A light gasp from my parted lips collected the lost air back into me and the momentary halt of my heart beat came back to life but rapidly.

He was staring at me, happy eyes and smiling with anticipation as he waited for my response.

Now that the question has been really thrown at me, do I really wish to debut?

I am beyond surprised that I am incapable of moving a single muscle aside from my eyelids that flutter slowly as I stare at him. I have no thoughts on what to respond, my brain still echoing and processing that question that he had asked me.

Do I wish to debut?

The silence had left the room with the boss' light cough to break the awkwardness that had developed from the silent atmosphere between us. I licked my lips and cleared my throat, pulling my eyes away from his and diverting my piercing gazes on my half-empty plate.

"You don't have to answer me now. I'll give you until next Saturday to tell me your answer but for the meantime, let's continue enjoying this scrumptious meal, shall we?" He looked at the three of us then he continued digging in, picking up his chopsticks on the table and aiming for his desired food.

Until the end of the meal, I was not able to fill my stomach but rather fill my mind with my own thoughts instead. The pros and cons of debuting now, that is what has been occupying my mind. My mind wanders endlessly to me now debuting but I am hesitating. Surely, the me from three years ago will not let this opportunity pass and immediately say yes without a second thought.

The desire to become an idol has long gone in my mind since that incident and I solely focused on becoming the greatest producer for my friend after signing the contract for that. It never came on me if the time comes and the question about my debut will be shot at me like an arrow from nowhere. I am no longer performing raps nor dances or any kind of performance similar to that of stage performances like how I used to do when I was training. I'm only producing music now and no longer a trainee, and being asked this question at this moment seems to me like an arrow from nowhere.

I took a turn on the road leading to the entrance of the subdivision. The guard immediately recognized my vehicle as I neared the gates, no longer asking me to stop and roll down my window for recognition before letting the barrier lift up to allow my passage.

My feet excitedly pressed the gas, accelerating faster on the way to the girl that had unconsciously become my dream. Being an idol is my dream, but starting a peaceful life with her sounds inviting now too, and a fear had built up in me after thinking through the cons of being an idol because I will for sure lose the dream ㅡ though not all of it but probably most of it ㅡ that I have now with her.

We need to talk.

I come out of my car and welcome myself inside their land, making sure to press on the doorbell of their gate before entering their property. In front of their main door, beside it rests a digital lock requiring the input of a passcode which I have already memorised, probably capable of even typing it in with my eyes closed. The lock sounded a tone, unlocking, and I welcomed myself inside their humble threshold with Eunmi hurrying her way downstairs to probably see the person who have arrived ㅡ me.