Star Beings: Dawn

Nightmares

I open my eyes to a black void. I'm standing, though I don't know if there's even a floor beneath me.
"Hello?" I call out. A few seconds pass..
No response.
"HELLO?!?!" I yell again, unsure of where I am or what's going on.
"My my, how the mighty have fallen."
I whirl around to...
Myself?
"Look at you. Your hair is a mess. I mean really, did you cut that with a butter knife? Not to mention your reaction. I would have turned around dagger ready. You look like a child about to call for its mother." "Who are you and why do you look like me?" "I look like you because I am you. Just far better." She flips her hair over her shoulder. It's the same length it was before I cut it.
"Why is it that you're trusting people who have hurt you many times before? You still put your trust in Natalie despite knowing for a fact she killed our father, you trust in Hade, you even trust in fucking Delilah Murphy. I mean truly, are you insane? Or is it just that you can't remember." She says.
She's mocking me.
"You still have those memories you know. You just need a little push over the edge to find them.  A key to open the lock. You think it's like a shatter mirrored, yes? Do I look shattered to you? Does any of this look shattered to you?!?!"
Thousands of images flash before my eyes.
I see glimpses of myself. I see my father. Elian. The Star Beings.
I wake up screaming.

Elian rushes into the room. "Ani? Are you-" "I'm fine. Go back to sleep."
My uncle eyes me warily before retreating back into the bedroom.
I slump against the pillows, my own words echoing around in my head.
Maybe I should... no. I shouldn't. I definitely shouldn't. But....
"Natalie isn't going to be pleased if someone she's seemingly afraid of asks if they can have their memories back." I grumble to myself.
I spend an hour tossing and turning in bed. What else can I do? The longer I go without all of them the more frequent and painful the flashbacks get.
But what if when... if I regain my memories and it hurts? What if it becomes overwhelming?
What if I become who I used to be?
I almost get up and go back out for some fresh air, but then I decide laying around is better than possibly facing Hade again.
The memories hurt. Going without them hurts. No matter the situation, it seems like I lose.
I always lose.

I didn't ever fall asleep. When Elian checked in on me the next morning, I was wide awake. We left at noon, traveling by car back up into the long dormant volcano. I avoided Hade the best I could. Part of me wanted to tell Maxine and Gabe about their little secret, just to spite them.
But then I realized that if I did that, I would probably get murdered in my sleep.
I kept quiet.
The nightmares kept up. Night after night, every single time I close my eyes...
She's there. Staring. Smiling. Taunting me with her twisted perfection.
The old me was someone's definition of the perfect person. Was I my father's perfect daughter? Was I someone's perfect lover? Friend?
Was I someone's perfect pawn?
No matter who I was, I still want to be... perfect. But I;m afraid of what perfect means. I know it doesn't mean kind, which only makes me even more anxious to learn what "perfect" is.
Weeks pass.
The nightmares continue.
I sleep only when I can no longer stay awake. Many times I fall asleep during conversation. During dinner. Once during training.
People begin to worry, yet every time someone asks I simply say "I'm alright, just didn't sleep well."
At least that implies I actually slept.
I begin to gain some idea of how powerful my abilities are.
I don't think the star beings have realized that I can see them flinch every time I raise my hands for combat.
For quite a while, I am fairly content when I'm awake.
But then I start to grow restless. More and more of my time is spent training alone. Many times DJ or Kit will walk in late at night to find me still pounding a punching bag, shadows swirling around me.
I stop looking in the mirror. I couldn't stop seeing her lurking in the shadows.
Watching.
Waiting.
I can feel myself wasting away.

"Anai?"
I startle awake.
Fell asleep on the punching bag again.
"What's up, DJ?"
She studies me for a moment.
"Anai, how long has it been since you've slept well?"
"I slept fine last night." "Bullshit."
There are a few beats of silence.
"Nightmares. I've been having nightmares every time I close my eyes, and I can't stand it, DJ." "You didn't think to tell anyone?" "I didn't want to worry Elian. Or cause any of you guys to..."
I can't finish that sentence. Then she'll know I know.
What'll happen then?
"To what, Anai?"
I don't answer. I could try to over power her. Maybe I could run out of those doors and just... disappear. Then I wouldn't be anyone's problem anymore. Elian could raise his actual kids, the Star Beings wouldn't have to worry about me finding anything out... I could live on my own.
Oh, who am I kidding? I don't even know how to cook canned soup.
"To think I'm remembering."

DJ sighs and shakes her head.
"Anai, No one is scared-" "I'm not blind DJ. I see how all you flinch. I see how people look at me. They're terrified of me. Of what I can do. I'm not stupid."
Now she won't look me in the eyes.
"The only damn person who's been honest with me is Hade, who hates my guts. If anything, they're honest because they know it's messing with me!"
"Yeah... yeah that sounds like Hade."
"Every time I fall asleep, there's some long haired bitchy version of me saying I'm weak. That I'm not good enough. It's hell, DJ." I say.
"I just want it to stop."

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, bitches!
I redrew some old art of Anai with how she looks now. My break is officially over, so I'll be posting semi-regularly again!