Dying to Breathe

**important author's note**

***feel free to only read bold points. But please, please, please read.

Hey guys!

Alright, so you've reached beyond chapter ten finally, huh? That's great, I really hope you're enjoying it. I just wanted to give a quick rundown on what's about to happen (tiny but necessary spoilers below this point).

First, prepare for a lot of TW/CW here on out. (I will no longer warn about content except for graphic or unavoidable scenes, but any sort of trigger that's mentioned in passing, won't be warned... too many with the dare website thing.) Blood, sexual activity, self-harm, manipulation, guns/weapons, substance abuse, death, non-consensual acts, committing alive-isn't and all the death defying shit you can name. These dares coming up are probably not for the faint of heart. I've lowkey said it before but, please do not attempt them.

(Starting this book, I only had a simple outline of how I wanted it to go, including how this dark website of dares worked [fun fact, for my characters' chemistry I was inspired by this Japanese movie called Drowning Love...big chaotic/toxic energy]. While writing, I did a lot of research and planning and began exploring more and more inspirations... basically I fell down a really dark hole involving the dark web that I hadn't exactly planned on. Some of these inspirations were simply cinematic and fictional [such as the movie Nerve, Truth or Dare, etc. and series like Elite, Get Even, Baby, etc.] while others, I took inspiration from the challenges and hoaxes alike floating around social media [literally all the viral tiktok challenges and scary (most-likely) fake online 'games'], and more importantly, I gave the dark web a little [safe] search and came out jaded, traumatized, and scarred for life :) probably don't do that.)

Anyways, this book is like a big ol' shoutout to the online culture, the risks kids put themselves in for views/likes, and how easily people can be conditioned, corrupted, and desensitized--while also intermingling with criminal behaviour, the very human need to be accepted, and how far someone will go for a warped want/need. Basically, my aim is for it to not be great. It's supposed to be toxic, dangerous, psychologically damaging, sociologically fucked, and really just bad for my characters... so please don't do any of the following dares. Pretty please.

The truth to anything is that most real things don't feel like horror movies. They don't feel bad or damaging. The truth is that it feels normal and maybe like we're overreacting if we do feel strange about it. Sometimes we never realize how bad we've gotten until someone objectively points it out for us. Penelope is supposed to show you this slow descend, but because we are seeing things from her perspective most of the time, we're also in this slow-burn of being desensitized and manipulated. Hell, you'll probably cheer her on a lot (I know I do... way too much) because the psyche is very easily manipulated and truly fucking terrifying. I do add in some more cinematic scenes and other perspectives to keep you on the edge and give your desensitized brain a shock though, lol. But I just want to remind you that my book is based on a lot of truths even if it's not perfectly executed. It might be more alarming to see them all at once, but y'all are really living in a world like this already so just be safe because we tend to not realize both the horrors in our personal lives and the magic we all wish was real. Media has really warped our perception of reality since it uses shock value to show these things rather than how it actually builds up overtime--how our brain normalizes it and tricks us into believing we're not experiencing anything life changing. But we are.

Preachy, 20-something Aunt mode on: Remember, dares/challenges can be fun, but don't let your morals be corrupted or your sense of worth be depleted for a few laughs or views. You, your body, and your soul deserve respect and care, as well as your friends/family/strangers around you. Also, as mentioned before, consent is amazing and you should always use that when doing anything with anybody or while in public (it's a good rule of thumb to keep you from going too far even when desensitized. Ex: do these people consent to seeing me fall to my death and being traumatized for life because I'm on a ledge drinking a whole bottle of vodka for a tiktok challenge?... probably not ;) ). And pro-tip: hating on minorities and oppressed groups is bad and not the same as oppressed groups fighting for equality from their oppressors (also, reverse racism, sexism, etc. does NOT exist and I will die on that hill--don't even try me on this one). 

And, please, whatever you take from this story just don't create this messed up, criminally insane darkweb-social-media monster my brain has *flawlessly* went and created without my permission... literally this shit is the perfect app for slow self destruction that you don't see coming until it's too late. The way it's created like it's protecting you and letting you have the choice to choose... chills. I'm disappointed to announce I must be a fucking psychopath or at least a criminal mastermind in another life.

Lastly, if you ever choose to check out the dark web: first, my evil mastermind website is *completely* fictional and the actual place is like falling into a time machine set for the 90s--it's slow, frustrating, confusing, and not anything like the social media or search engines you know and love. Secondly, and most importantly, please be safe (hide your identity and download Tor and any other essential before checking out those onion websites!) and be cautious... don't trust anyone on there and don't use anything connecting you to your identity (like a previously used email--create and use a dark web email instead) and try not to go down immoral rabbit holes because there are a lot and you will cry if you're a baby like me :) and lastly, while there are illegal things happening there, there are a lot of good things as well... like people from oppressed countries having a way to connect with the world. The media has demonized it a lot, fairly in some cases, but a lot of normal people use it as well for relatively safe and normal uses. Still, if you choose to go through the hassle of getting on there, BE SAFE. Information leaked while you're there is asking to be hacked for god knows what. (For the record, I personally think the normal web is plenty scary and big enough for me.)

Thank you for reading! Thank you for your support! You all are amazing and loved and worthy and enough x