Want to kill {James Barnes}

Part 7- I love you

As James and I are at work, it got me thinking, a feeling really that I shouldn't wait until tomorrow, I should go after work. Surprise her. I get up from my desk and knock on James is office door. "Come in" as I walk in seeing Steve and another gentleman there talking about things, "oh I can come back if you want" as I'm point to the door behind me, halfway in. "No, it's fine, what do you need babe" babe huh giving him a surprise look. "Umm, I just wanted to surprise my mother, instead of going tomorrow can we do it after work?" As he looks up from his paperwork "of course beautiful" giving me a smile that makes me feel so happy. My phone chimes I pull it out to look, it was from my mother, my stomach started to fill with joy.

Mom: this is your father, I'm sorry to tell you that you can't see your mother tomorrow because after a couple hours you left, she died in her sleep. I'm so sorry Beck, her funeral is at the end of this week, I hope to see you there.

What? How? I look up with tears flowing out non stop and James comes to me holding me tightly. "Baby, what's wrong?" As I'm lying my head in his chest not able to find the words. "S-She's d-dead" whimpering, my legs gave out once again, falling to my knees as he is still holding me. All my emotions came all out in one, I scream in a crying way. Feeling nothing but numb. "It's ok, baby I'm here" as he is holding me not letting me go. He looks at the guys motioning them to leave us alone. They both left just leaving us on the floor in his office.

I finally calm down, as I look at him "I never got to say goodbye James" my whole body still weak, and shaky. He wipes away my tears, just listening to me not saying anything, making me feel better, or trying to. "I know you aren't ready, but when is the funeral" as he gives me a caring look. "It's at the end of the week, Sunday I think" look down at my hands, trying to pull myself together. Not wanting this to happen but it is.

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Sunday comes, wearing nothing but black, not ready, but I don't think anyone is ready to see their parents go, especially the ones we want to stay forever. As we get to the cemetery, James is holding my hand tightly, knowing I might breakdown any minute. I can see all her friends, family where the setting is, and I see my father, the one person who doesn't deserve my mother. As the pastor says everything he needs to say, I am trying to hold back my emotions, for my mother especially. "Would anyone like to say a few word?" As the pastor is waiting for someone to volunteer.

I stood up from my seat "I would like to" as James grabs my hand and I look down at him, "are you sure?" I give him a nod and make my way up to the stand. I look at all the people that came, and know my mother would have been so happy. "Um, I didn't write anything down, I honestly didn't know I was going to have the guts to say anything. But it's my mother and I feel like I should tell you all what I was going to say to her before she past away." As I look down at my hands trying not to cry.

"Her and I weren't on good terms, and after I saw her, I instantly forgave her because I know it wasn't her fault." As I look up thinking about the memory, that made me go and see her. "I remember her and I walking through a sunflower field when I was just a little girl, it was the best day of my life, she would tell me sunflowers were a natural beauty, just like me" as I let out a chuckle and tears came out, but not too bad. "As she was trying to get us out of the field, I would be still feeling the breeze on my skin, and could smell the sunflowers." As I shrug my shoulders, trying so hard not to cry too much."I have always loved my mom, even when the worse came out of us, I just wish I got to say goodbye." Looking back down to my hands, letting my tears take over.

I walk back to my seat, and James leans in close to my ear whispers,"your mother is so proud of you, never forget that" that makes my heart melt with love and sadness, making me look at him and I give him a genuine kiss on his lips. "Thank you" as I lock eyes with him, both of us giving a smile.

After the funeral was over, James and I head to his car "Beck, wait" as I turn and of course the devil himself. "What do you want?" Giving him no sympathy whatsoever. "Please, I need you in my life, I have no one" I couldn't help but scoff and let out a little chuckle. "I'm never and I mean never, going to be in your life" I got a little closer pointing my finger at him. "The only reason I'm here, is for her, she deserved so much better than you" as I spit on the ground close to his feet. I went to walk away but he aggressively grabs my arm "no, I'm still your father."

"Get your hands off, or I'll make them get off" as he lets out a devilish laugh "or what he's going to throw me out again." Pointing at James with his other hand. "Nope" I made my other hand into a fist and punch him right in the nose, as he lets go and holds both of his hands on it. "You fucking bitch, you broke my nose" as he tries to run up at me, then James stands in front of me giving him a death glare. "Yeah, well you broke my life, we aren't even, even yet" as I give him the finger getting into James's car.

As he is driving he looks over at me "I know you are probably not in the mood, but I have a surprise for you." Looking at him, giving him a side smile. We past his house and mine, not knowing where we are going is scary but also exciting. We came to a complete stop, and he shuts off the car and grabs both of my hands for me to look at him. "You have to close you eyes" giving me a smile, that always gives me butterflies. "Fine" as I put the blindfold on.

We are walking what feels like forever, but finally made it. I could smell a familiar scent and the breeze was feeling good on my skin. "Ok you can take it off" as I take the blindfold, I was literally speechless. "J-James, oh my gosh" he took me to a sunflower field,  like I said in my speech at the funeral. "Do you love it?" As he looks at me happy that I'm happy, I look at him, totally over heels for him. "Love it, I love you" as he looks at me surprise for what I just said, as I'm still looking at the sunflowers, as he's looking at me. What did I just say? Omg what did I just do?