Second Lead Syndrome || Diluc R. x Reader

Aftermath

Diluc wakes up to a deathly pounding in his head and an even worse ache in his chest. Whether that's also a side-effect of his hangover or something else, he doesn't know.

Barbatos, I'm never drinking again. He thinks as she sits up in his bed, still in the same clothes he wore last night. You idiot! He curses at himself, thinking of last night. Why did I have to say all that? He has never wanted to punch himself in the face more in his life.

Diluc finally gets up to draw the curtains. His sore eyes meet the grey- cloud-covered skies that completely obscure any blue from peeking out. He almost lets out a bitter laugh. It's as if the Archons have made the weather match my mood.

His eyes land on the maids cleaning up the terrace from last night's party. It was likely the worst party he has ever attended, mostly due to his own fault. He scorns himself for his actions. I overreacted, and I shouldn't have kept prying like that! I should have just let her explain. He lets out a groan of frustration before ruffling his hair.

Though he admits he should not have said all that while drunk, he certainly still would have thought it all if sober. He truly was- and is, hurt by the fact that Y/N hid something of such great importance to him and still wouldn't give any straight answers even after being confronted by him. Especially after everything he has told her and everything they've been through.

"Maybe we are nothing." Her voice rings in her head as Diluc stares at his reflection in the window. If we weren't then, we certainly are now.

-----

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!" Her hoarse morning voice echoes through her house.

Y/N kicks at her poor blanket as she repeatedly smacks her forehead, hoping to smack some sense into herself. "Why did I argue with him while he was drunk?! What kind of idiot am I?! And why did I say that?!" She berates herself.

She storms out of bed and to the bathroom. She flicks on the lights to greet a nightmare of a person in the mirror. Her hair is dishevelled, and dark circles so dark they should be called black circles hang under her swollen eyes.

Despite refusing to cry last night after repeatedly telling herself she didn't deserve to, her eyes still became as red and swollen as bee stings. She points at her reflection in the mirror, glaring right back at herself. "You are so fucking stupid." Her finger repeatedly jabs against the cold surface of the mirror.

Y/N knows that she isn't just afraid of being in a relationship. As Lisa said, long-distance relationships exist. The gut-wrenching realization she has come to runs much deeper than that. Her eyes lock onto her reflection's. What you're really afraid of is not being second place anymore.

Ironic, coming from the girl who strives to finally become number one. Second place is all she knows, and stepping out of that comfort is terrifying. There's a certain level of security in knowing no harm would be done if she left.
Y/N now realizes that despite all her efforts to become number one, she's been holding herself back in number two, where she could easily escape if all went south. Most of her relationships have been kept shallow, fearing becoming too important to someone. Not even Kaeya had heard of her family before all this. Diluc is the only one Y/N has opened up to this much, and even now, she has pushed him away.

After growing up in a household where she was always the second choice, being someone's first seems daunting no matter how great it may sound. Especially if she'll be ripped away from that person soon after.

Why can't I move on? She thinks with a frown.  No matter how hard I try to escape, why does what my family has done haunt me like a ghost? And now I've hurt the person I care about the most. She clenches her jaw, holding in her tears. He probably hates me now.