Nanny Diaries 3 - Pride and Prejudice

The New Regime

Miss Stewart got me up in the morning after the girls. Not Annie. My morning toilette, which had largely been a collaborative effort since Easter, when I finally left the nursery, was all her and no me. Obviously, I needed help to get out of my sleepsuit, and remove my diaper, not to mention my night stays, but then I was usually allowed to wash myself and make myself quite comfortable, before Annie helped me dress. However, that morning after the night before, I was under discipline from the moment I woke up. She left my pacifier in place, and offered no explanation for her behaviour, but looked amused by my initial expression and a certain amount of huffing and puffing that I indulged in whilst she worked on me. She did talk, a little, happily instructing me to move to help her, but also commenting that the night stays did seem to make it easier to lace me down to the wedding requirement of sixteen inches when she put me in my day corset. I just stood there, my mind racing away with me, going over the night before, whilst my figure was squeezed into shape. I had to admit that I liked the result, but the regime required to achieve it was painful and punishing. And then my dress for the day was held for me to step into, a pale pink and blue creation that I loved to look at, but struggled to wear. Miss Stewart chatted a little about the girls, telling me they were all good, and that the walk to school had been uneventful, but not telling me why my help had been spurned, as I watched myself turning into a very traditional maiden in the mirror.

"You do look the part, Daphne." Miss Stewart suggested, still very much my nanny, and not my friend, for some reason. She would have teased me as Annie. I did not always like that, but I always felt the connection between us, and valued her opinions, even if she was so regularly frustrated by my refusal to admit I had made a mistake. "Last night...seeing you and Helen and Sheila...and even your mother...sitting there sucking on your pacifiers...honestly, what a sight that was. And now...before I take a much-deserved holiday...I get to turn you over to a proper Reformist nanny, who is also going to look after you and Helen. Miss Danvers is with Helen right now...getting her dressed...trained in the Ellesmere household, but so young...not even nineteen...and yet, your beloved Meadvale Mama will be calling her nanny if and when she is allowed to speak...you two are really living the high life."

I could see why Annie was bemused by what was happening to me. And not just to me, but to Helen, Sheila and my mother, too. She was pointing out that it was not what I had signed up for, and I could see why she would think that, but she was ignoring the rather thorny questions of faith and principles. My decision to join the Hughes family, and the community they had found happiness within, was based on my belief in the things that the Reformists of Meadvale stood for. Christian values. Morals which the world outside the community seemed to ignore completely. And my faith in God, of course. I had never disregarded my faith, although I think I did put my feelings for my sisters first, and my love of the community around them. My faith in God just crept up on me, as part of the overall feeling that I wanted to be a real part of it. I had started going to church with the Hughes family, of course. As the nanny to the girls. I was actually paid to go to church, and I saw it as part of the job, but church was also the place that Meadvale came together, once a week, as one. It was where I felt the power of their shared trust in God and his doctrine. And that was important to me. I did not believe in one man, or in any one interpretation of the doctrine, but I did have faith in God's plans for me. I believed that I had been sent to Meadvale for a reason, if it was only that I would be happy there. And I had taken solemn vows, which I felt obliged to keep.

Five minutes later, I was sitting next to Mama on the sofa in the drawing room, having briefly met Miss Danvers, listening to a sermon our new nanny had downloaded for us. We both had our pacifiers in our mouths, and Helen was every bit as lavishly dressed as me. We exchanged glances whilst Miss Danvers fussed over our skirts, but were then told to lower our gaze and concentrate on our lessons. So, I did, because I had learned basic obedience. I listened to the words of the bible, calling on women to learn in silence and obey their husbands, and felt the usual peace I felt when I was in church, or studying my bible. I had turned to Meadvale for that peace, for that disengagement from the world outside the village. And it was still there. I was a maiden, and I had promised to be a good one. I had vowed to follow the rules, and everyone I loved was with me in Meadvale. I had nothing outside the village. Even Annie, who had just left me, would be living at Deepdene. I had nowhere else to go.