Nanny Diaries 3 - Pride and Prejudice

The Wedding and the Call to Arms

"She enjoys it, in case you hadn't noticed." Madeleine Ellesmere murmured into my ear as she turned to face me in our shared single bed, scandalously speaking around her pacifier. Miss Danvers had just put us to bed, after punishing us both, citing a long list of errors that we had made during the day. "She might even be beating Helen too...if the puppet husband has given her permission to discipline his wife."

"She is correcting our faults...and Papa would never allow that." I replied, my voice barely audible. Miss Danvers had gone to assist Helen, so I did not think she would be listening out for us, but I was taking care. "And he is not a puppet."

"No one defies my brother for long...and Colin didn't hold out for long at all, before turning into another of Richard's lapdogs." Madeleine sighed, using her mittened hand to rub my arm as I was still sobbing a little. She did not cry much. Miss Danvers beat her hard and long and she did yelp as much as anyone. But she hardly cried at all. She was made of sterner stuff than me. "And he is letting her beat you...and the children, probably."

"Mama would have said..." I said, doubtfully. I had not seen my sisters for two days. Because I had lessons to occupy me. It was my third paddling in three days, and I had committed the sins Miss Danvers had accused me of, despite my best efforts. But I did not like the idea of her punishing the girls. "And you provoke her."

"It's a hobby..."

"Prison would be less painful, surely? And you spanked Camilla hard enough..."

"Only to help her...she had to accept her new life...and if I went to prison, all the people who my husband cheated would have lost all their life savings. I couldn't live with that...and I had no one else in the world to turn to." She explained, still stroking my arm. "But Richard has gone a little further than I expected...I didn't really anticipate him leading this purge thing just as I sought sanctuary. He has never sought publicity before. But you had more of a choice than me."

"I am where I want to be." I insisted, although with a sore bottom and red eyes, I would have happily changed my current position in the community. However, I was giving Miss Danvers the benefit of doubt, because I had used similar tactics to tame Nicola in my time. She had felt my paddle many times, and I had taken pleasure in it, too. But I was improving just as Nicola had blossomed in my care, with tough love. In my desperate efforts to please my nanny, and avoid her cruel paddle, my deportment was much better and my concentration was becoming absolutely obsessive.

"Just as well, because they are not going to let either of us go now...or my poor Camilla for that matter." Madeleine kissed my hair and wrapped me in her arms again as I started to cry a little harder. "We'll all be married off within a year."

I did not want to talk about that, or think about it, and I must have fallen asleep. I was woken by Miss Danvers, not long after dawn, because she needed time to get me ready for Bella's big day. First came a bath, then my hair was dried and styled, before the lacing of my corset began and I was left to rest whilst Nanny moved on to everyone else. I ate a light breakfast, with the girls, which was a joy, and then went back upstairs to be laced down some more. Finally, I was encased in the cream satin gown and the final touches of makeup and hair were done. I joined Bella and the other, younger, bridesmaids, outside the church, in brilliant sunshine. And we all trooped into the packed church, for a magical ceremony, including a song from the Brewster Sisters, which I spent panting because I could hardly breathe. Everyone who was anyone in the community was there. As we all walked back down the aisle, I saw my parents, and Mama and Papa, and Annie, and Sheila Blackstone, standing beside Kieran Radcliffe. Steven Blackstone appeared by my side at the reception, and kept me talking throughout the meal, but I could not remember anything he said, or any of my replies. Bella looked stunning and happy. I am not sure if she was, but she looked it. By the time Miss Danvers appeared, to take me home to bed as the party continued, I was out on my feet, emotionally drained.