Nanny Diaries 3 - Pride and Prejudice

One Step Forwards, Two Steps Back

"Daphne...you must not speak with your..." Mum began, reaching for my discarded pacifier in horror, but I was already wriggling out of her grasp. Without my corset and or a cumbersome gown to hamper me, I was much stronger than a fifty-eight-year-old, and much more mobile as well, and I was soon sitting beside her on the sofa, holding her arms. "And spitting it out is a sin, young lady..."

"Stop it...stop it now." I hissed, finding the courage to stand up for myself. It was easier with my own mother, I suppose. Our history together ran a lot deeper than my year in Meadvale and her few months, and I was thoroughly sick of playing the good little girl with her. "Mum, please talk to me...something really bad is going on here, and I don't like it...the only thing stopping me walking out of this place right now is my sisters, Helen and Sheila Blackstone...who are all caught up in something I don't really understand...and yet Dad and you seem to be right in with all the people who are tormenting us...and ruining things in Meadvale. When I saw you with a pacifier in your mouth, I nearly puked!"

"This really is none of your business..."

"Really? Mum...this is not what I signed up for, and Helen and Sheila are being made to do things they don't want to do...and you seem to be complicit in it?" I said, in a furious whisper with one eye on the door. I was scared of Miss Danvers. I hated to admit it, but I was not sure what I would do if she came in and tried to make me behave, because deep inside me I was a maiden, and felt obliged to obey my nanny. "And as I am getting beaten into submission, I am fairly sure it is my business. You are my mum...but if you don't want to help me, that is fine...I will never have anything to do with you again...ever!"

"Daphne...darling...this is what you wanted?" Mum protested, also looking at the door. I could not decide whether she was hoping for Miss Danvers to rescue her, or worried about me getting into even more trouble. "You took your vows...and as I understand it, so did Helen and Sheila...and I certainly agreed to abide by the church leadership and follow the doctrine when we decided to move here. It is not up to you to decide what is right or wrong..."

"Not alone, no...I trusted Colin...my guardian, my Meadvale Papa...to help me understand my new life...and Mama...but he is doing what Ellesmere wants, and Helen is...well, I don't know what she is doing exactly, but I don't think she likes it." I gabbled, the words falling out of me in a rush, trying to make mum see. "What is dad doing with Ellesmere?"

"Your father is doing his job...for which he is very well rewarded..."

"Did he make you accept a pacifier?" I demanded, glancing at the door again.

"No...it is just expected in certain company...and I am supporting his career..."

"At all costs?"

"Your father believes that Mr Ellesmere is a good man...and we will be taking our vows too you know. We can all have good lives here...your future is so bright, if only you will knuckle down and behave...Sheila and Helen, too...they just need to readjust..."

"That is exactly what that bitch Edwina Deacon said...and it isn't true. I am happy to obey the doctrine, but not if men like Richard Ellesmere are misinterpreting it...and not if the people I love...my Meadvale family...are suffering at his hands...now, are you going to help me or not, because I mean it...I will leave...and you will never see me again!"

"Oh, Daphne...I think we both know you that you won't leave." Mum sighed, throwing off my grip on her arms and shaking her head at me, as if she was disappointed. I started to cry, as if having said my piece, the emotion was too much for me. She took my hands in hers. "Because you won't leave those girls behind...or us, for that matter...there is nothing for you outside of this community anymore. Daddy knows best, Daphne...God, too...He is testing your resolve and you are allowing yourself to get upset by things that have nothing to do with you, when all you should be thinking about is achieving your original objective. You wanted to become part of this community and we know you still want to work with children...and you will, if you just concentrate on your lessons and get yourself ready to marry Steven Blackstone. That is what Sheila wants, too, you know...that was all her idea...because she knows that getting married to the right man is the only way for you to work...and it is the only way for her, as well...you are just being silly, darling...your mind is all over the place."