Nanny Diaries 3 - Pride and Prejudice

The Christmas Concert

Deepdene's theatre was packed to the rafters. Every pupil was there for the carol concert and a lot of parents and important guests, which according to Papa meant over two thousand people were crammed in to watch the show. I was not seated out front, as it happened, because I was being allowed to help behind the scenes, with Mama, Miss Ford and Miss Knight, because we could be relied upon to keep the stars of the show happy. Not that the girls would have played anyone else up, of course, but Mrs Rogers was no fool and clearly recognised the importance of keeping her key performers relaxed and calm. And although there were quite a lot of staff members on hand, including Annie Stewart, we were all kept busy looking after the choir and the nativity cast, because they also had the younger members of the audience to keep an eye on as well. And my first job backstage was a happy one, for me at least, thanks to Annie, who sent one of the older members of the choir to me, whilst the prep school boys were on stage doing their carols.

"Shush now, Camilla...no one is cross with you...it's probably just nerves." I said, gently helping the sobbing child up onto a changing table. Except Camilla was not a child, as she was the same age as me. I smiled at her, taking in her smart uniform and her pigtails. It was more or less impossible to think of her as Karen Davenport, my former roommate at Norland, and I felt so sorry for her. I wanted to see her, and talk to her, and changing her there was about the only chance I was going to get, but it was clearly hard for her. I got her laid back, and then took her pacifier out of her mouth. "Please don't cry, Camilla."

"I hate my life." She murmured, turning her face away from me. She was the only person, as far as I was aware, in Meadvale who was definitely being forced to stay. Everyone else, Bella and Mama, Sheila and Auntie Susannah all had a choice. But Camilla, and to a lesser extent her mother, had basically been kidnapped by Richard Ellesmere, and no one else in the village seemed to care. Obviously, I knew the main reason for that was the simple fact that Camilla was being saved in God's love. Our faith told us that she would be better off living according to the doctrine, and once all the sin of the modern world was drawn out of her, she would be a happy Daughter of Eve. And that was hard, of course. I had wanted to join the community and I had still struggled with my transformation, so it was so much worse for Camilla.

"God loves you, Camilla...I know it is hard, but you do just have to try and make the best of things...let me sort you out, dear." I whispered, well aware that there were other people around close enough to hear. I would have liked to have talked to her, to try and help, but there was no time. I just told her that we were all thinking of her, and praying for her, whilst drying her eyes and changing her diaper. Then I smartened her up and handed her back to Mrs Rogers.

"She doesn't look very happy." Miss Knight commented, joining me in the wings as the girls trooped out onto the stage for the choir performance.

"She is being forced, Miss Knight...there is no love guiding her." I replied as she took my arm, feeling very close to her. She could seem severe, and many people were intimated by her and Catriona, but I had not really seen that side of their character. I had behaved for them, and they had been wonderful with me. And with Mama, too. Mama had not exactly been looking forward to her mother-in-law returning to the village, and I am sure that she was finding being under advisement difficult at times, but she had also been pleasantly surprised by Catriona's attitude to her. But the same could not be said for Aunt Susannah, of course.

"Such an unfortunate situation...caused by her parents, I must say." She sighed, not actually disagreeing with me. "One might say that Mr Ellesmere has done his Christian duty by making sure that the people who lost money due to his sister's business dealings were reimbursed, but using her legal situation to force her back here...and including her daughter in the deal...seems typically extreme. But don't you think she will be much better off in the end, Daphne...living in God's love?"

"I know I will be, Miss Knight...but that is because I wanted to belong here...I am not sure anyone should be forced to convert?"

"What about Nicola?" She asked, as the angelic voices of the choir were raised to the heavens above. I found Nicola in the crowd, in the back row as she was one of the taller girls, splendid in her uniform, concentrating on Mrs Rogers and singing her heart out.

"She is a better person, and she knows it...but she was born a Reformist, Ma'am...she knew she had sinned and I think she knew what would be done to her...once she was caught out. In her case, it was just a question of reminding her that she was a child...and she never thought about leaving..."

"We get quite a lot of converts in New York...and not all of them are willing...but if they are properly managed, they do thrive."

"I think she would be much happier with us, Ma'am." I insisted, just as Miss Knight slipped my pacifier into my mouth.

"Undoubtedly, dear...but it is time for us to take our seats and watch our girls perform..."

We had seats at the side of the stage, in the front rows, reserved for us. I joined Mama and Grandmama, sitting between them, holding hands with them both as the majority of the choir left the stage, leaving only the magnificent seven. Henrietta took centre stage, with Georgina and Philippa alongside her, whilst the other four stood behind them, and it was magical. I was in tears almost immediately, because it was just so beautiful and they were my girls, and Mama joined me, undoubtedly feeling the same. But somehow, I did not expect Grandmama to cry like us, but she did, and when Henrietta hit the last note and the show finished, she was on her feet, tears streaming down her face, clapping as loud as anyone else. Even Miss Knight looked moved, and the reunion backstage was not particularly ladylike. Not that anyone, least of all Grandmama, seemed to mind, for once.

However, amidst all the love, as we reclaimed our seven excited little girls, including Nicola who seemed to have enjoyed the experience, my eyes were drawn to Mr Steven Blackstone. It was a bit chaotic backstage, with parents crowding in to congratulate and collect their offspring if they were day pupils, and Annie and her team nabbing the boarders and getting them back into their boarding houses, but I spotted Mr Blackstone with some of his boys. I was not really used to seeing boys around the school, and the prep schoolboys were obviously quite little, so they needed some looking after. And there was Mr Blackstone holding hands with an angelic little choirboy, who was resplendent in his kilt, blazer and tie, and clearly comforting him for some reason. I was impressed to see Mr Blackstone being so caring with the boy, using his handkerchief to dry his eyes, and putting a reassuring arm around his shoulders.

"Are we going to get a treat, do you think, Daphne?" Henrietta asked, interrupting my happy thoughts as she grabbed my hand and closed in for another hug.

"If I was your nanny, I would probably put you to bed early..."

"You would not!" She laughed, as I hugged her back.

"Well, if I were you, I would give Grandmama a lot of love...she was crying her eyes out whilst you were singing...and she is in charge of treats!" I suggested, before sweet Caris took my other hand, and I was dragged back into the heart of my family. I was so happy, and for the first time, if I allowed myself to admit it, I really felt that I had made the right decision to take my vows and become a Christian Reformist. I was living my best life, and although there were a lot of other problems swirling around me, I could not do much about that, so I simply had to concentrate on me. The journey I had started on, eighteen months before, seemed to have come to a conclusion, in a way. For me, at any rate. I knew who and what I was, and I knew what my future was. I hoped the community would settle down again, and that the purge would end, but that was really none of my business.

The End...

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Thanks for reading.