Dear friend, I love you

23. Time will heal the wounds

Erica

It was thursday, I wasn't able to go work and Verneri was kinda confused about it. I'm sure he doesn't believe it anymore that I'm sick, so I told him that my cat died and it has been rough anyway. He understood it, and he actually got pretty worried.
He asked that do I need anything, company or something.
But I told him that I can manage to be alone.
Actually I wasn't.
I had Aleksi.
Maybe it sounds funny that I'm still hanging with him and he comforts me, even tho he rejected me.
But he's the only one that I have.
I can't let go of him. Only the thought of it sounds crazy.
Maybe we manage to be friends, even tho I love him?
I don't know...
Still it hurts.

I was just about to leave my apartment, I needed fresh air. I opened the door and at the same time Aleksi opened his door.
He looked kinda shocked to see me, did I look so bad from all the crying, not eating and stuff?
"Morning, how are you?" Aleksi asked gently.
"I don't know. I had to get up from the bed and have some fresh air. I don't feel like it, but.. I'll force myself." I shook my shoulders.

"You know, tomorrow starts our christmas tour, and we are going to be away from here for the whole weekend. I can ask from boys and manager that can you come with us?" Aleksi looked his hands, then me again.
I got suprised.
"You don't have to, I just lay in my bed and sleep the whole weekend. Don't worry about me." I hesitated and started to walk the stairs down. Until I got very dizzy.
I took a grip from the railing and closed my eyes. I heard Aleksi coming to me, and he hold me that I wouldn't fall.
"Have you eated?" He asked worried.
"I said, don't worry about me. You're busy, go to your friends." I mumbled. But of course Aleksi didn't believe a word I said.
So he supported me to walk to his car, and he drove us to their rehearsal place.

We walked to the building, and soon we arrived to the right door. He opened it and I walked in first.
"I think we have some food here." Aleksi said after we took our shoes and jackets off.
"Oh, hi guys." Aleksi then said, I just slowly followed him to the very small kitchen. I saw Joel, Niko and Joonas sitting at the couch, they all were scrolling their phones.
"Hi Erica, what's up?" Niko asked smiling. I just lightly smiled back as Aleksi searched the small fridge.
Then he handed me a bottle of water and some salad.
"These are mine, I left them here yesterday." He said and I looked him hesitating. He just smiled and leaded me to sit somewhere.
I saw Joonas looking at us, maybe he's confused how we manage to come along.

"We heard what happened to your cat, I'm so sorry for you." Niko said sad.
"Thank you.. it takes some time but.. maybe time will heal the wounds as they say." I mumbled while I opened the salad box.
I poked the salad with fork, not feeling like eating.
"Guys, I was thinking that would it be okay if Erica comes touring with us for the weekend?" Aleksi suddenly opened his mouth and I lifted my head up to look them all.
"No.. no you really don't have to. I would be useless there and I don't want to bother or anything." I quickly said and all eyes were on me, and then on Aleksi.

"It's okay to me." Joonas said, Joel said the same.
"Yeah, it would be fun. And don't worry, you can just enjoy our music and relax. You need to get your thoughts away from everything." Niko smiled.

"I don't know..." I looked the salad.
"I'm sure that it's fine to Olli and Tommi, they are coming in 20 minutes." Joonas looked his phone.
"It's fine to Santeri." Joel said next while he looked his phone too. I swallowed.
What should I do? I can't go with them, I would be so bad company right now.
But I decided to stay silent and eat, Aleksi looked me often, maybe to make sure that I will eat.
Then the front door opened and closed, and Joonas stood up immediately and runned to the hallway.
"Guys! What's up?" He said excited.
"It was a journey.. I slept like half of the trip and now Tommi is mad about it that he couldn't listen music all the time." I heard Olli chuckling.

"But you sleep so good so what's the matter?" Joonas smirked as they walked to us.
"I didn't trust of him not waking up. You never know about him." Tommi patted Olli's shoulder.
"Hello Erica, what are you doing here?" Olli asked next when he saw me.
"We suggested that she would come with us to gig weekend." Aleksi spoke up.
"That's a good idea." Olli smiled.
I felt too much anxiety now, so I stood up and started to walk to the hallway to put my shoes and jacket on.

"Hey, what is it?" Aleksi suddenly asked from behind me. I turned around to look at him.
"I need some fresh air." I mumbled and left the place.

I walked along the streets. I didn't even know where I was going, I was so in my own thoughts. Soon I will definitely be lost, but suddenly the roads seemed familiar.
I was near the studio. Should I visit there?
Just to watch new appointments with few customers.
I opened the door and walked in, Verneri was sitting behind the counter, writing on a paper or something.
He lifted his head up and looked suprised for a moment.
"Erica?" He asked and stood up while I walked closer.
"Hi, I just came here to look new appointments to my customers." I tried to smile.

I sat behind the counter, next to Verneri. He sat down too.
"How are you doing? You have been gone almost an week." He asked with worried tone.
"Life goes on. It has been hard and shitty, but that's life right?" I tried to sound as normal as possible.
"Maybe life is like that, but does it has to be? You were quite happy last week. Then everything changed, what happened?" He kept talking.

I didn't want to tell him. But I know that if I don't, he will never stop asking.
I took a deep breath and I felt Verneri's eyes on me.
"Love is hard. Especially when you don't get it back. That's all." I said with one breath and continued to check my calendar and texting to customers.

I was done with everything and started to leave, boys were probably waiting for me and actually Aleksi had texted me a while ago that where I was.
I was just about to open the front door, but Verneri interrupted me.
"Erica. I need to tell you something." He said and stopped me by placing his hand to my shoulder.
I turned around and he let go of me.
"The woman I told you about, who I have a crush on..." He started.
This is the last thing I want to hear today, I don't want to hear any others problems about love interests.
My head is full of that shit.
"Yeah..?" I sighed.

"Well.. I don't know if she feels the same.. apparently she's not dating anyone, what should I do? She once refused to go date with me." He looked upset, but his eyes were different than usual.
"Verneri.. I don't know if I'm the right person to give you advices right now.. who is this woman anyway who makes your head so crazy?" I asked and he stared me deep in the eyes.
It was silent for a moment.
It felt awkward, I just wanted to leave.

"It's you, Erica."

I stopped breathing for couple seconds.
What?
He came a little closer.
"And in my opinion that black haired man doesn't deserve your love. I can see that you love him. But it's just waste of the time, believe me." He quietly said.
"Don't you say that.." I shook my head, eyes with full of tears.
He placed his right hand to my cheek, and with his thumb he wiped some tears away.
"Love is hard, I know it. But I want you just to know that life goes on, like you said. Leave him, don't cry after him. You don't deserve him, he clearly can't appreciate you..."

I cried even more.
The way how he spoke.. it hit me hard.
"I need to go." I pushed his hand away and left the studio.
Very cold air hit my face, and I think it froze my tears.

"Erica, where were you so long? Have you cried?" Joonas asked worried when he opened the door for me.
I stepped in, boys were sitting here and there, and they all stared me.
"I needed some alone time to think." I started.
Everyone looked me waiting, what will I say.

"I'd love to spend the weekend with you guys." I smiled and they all cheered. Aleksi came to hug me.
I loved his hugs.
When we pulled apart, he smiled to me.
That sweet smile.
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So Verneri told about his feelings...
What do you guys think, should Erica listen Verneri or not?
Thank you for all the support 🖤