Dear friend, I love you

24. Be careful

Erica

It was almost showtime. The first gig in this christmas tour, in Lahti. I was at the backstage with boys, and they were jumping around and hyping themselves up.
"If I remember right, you have been in our gigs before?" Niko asked smiling.
"That's right. But this is first time in backstage." I chuckled.
"And after party is always wild." He smirked.

It was shotime, boys went to the stage one after another and fans screamed louder and louder. I have missed this, being in conserts, screaming out loud and sing so loud that you will lose your voice.
But now I had to be silent when I was on the backstage, but I watched them near the stage, there where Olli and Tommi was.
I felt the music in my veins, and my body started to swing around, I sang along, but a little bit silent.
I loved how they were on stage, it was something magical. That energy and passion, it's something that many doesn't have.
I also watched Aleksi a lot, how he jumped behind his dj table and runned around the stage. The fans went always crazy when he came closer to them.
I smiled and had fun, I also forgot all my problems.

"That was crazy!" Boys shouted when we were at the backstage.
"You're guys just amazing, I have nothing else to say." I smiled to them.
"So, it was a good idea to come with us?" Aleksi smirked next to me.
Yeah, I hesitated first and I thought of not coming.
But then Verneri happened. How he told me about his feelings and that I should forgot Aleksi.
I would never forger him. But if he's right?
That he will not love me like that.
Do I deserve better?
I don't know if I can have better. Aleksi is.. he's the man I have always just dreamed of.

We drank and after that went to the hotel, Niko stayed outside to talk with fans. He's so sweet.
I shared the room with Santeri. I didn't complain about it, he's so nice and fun guy.
Everyone at the crew is fun and kind.
I slept pretty good, and it was early morning. We ate breakfast and after that we started driving to Turku.
I often looked Aleksi, how he did something with his computer.
But Joonas caught me staring at Aleksi. He looked me confused. Then he took his phone and started to write something.
I got a message. It was from Joonas and I looked him confused first, he just showed me with his gaze to answer to it.

"What is going on between you and Aleksi? Just a few days ago you were crying after him"
He texted.
I sighed and started writing. Even I don't know what is going on.
"Can we talk about it later? I have no idea either.."
Then I looked him while he was reading it.
Slowly he lifted his head up and nodded lightly to me.

We arrived to Turku just in time, first we went to the hotel and left our stuff there.
Then we eated and after that to Logomo where the gig is.
"You have time now to talk about it?" Joonas quietly asked behind me. I got a little scared, but I said yes.
"You and Aleksi come along like nothing has ever happened?" Joonas asked confused.
"Yeah.. I'm kinda suprised about it too.. I was actually very broken about it and I was crying three days in my bed.." I chuckled nervously and looked my hands.
"You're not broken anymore?" He frowned.

I played with my rings in my fingers, and couldn't say a word. Maybe the answer was obvious.
"Joonas.. I'm broken as hell.. but I have to hide it.. I actually don't know if I can stay only friends with him.. everytime when I look at him, I feel those butterflies and my heart is melting. And now I want to cry too when I look at him." I explained sad.

"But if he doesn't feel the same towards you, why you would ruin your friendship totally? You two come along so good and Aleksi really likes you." He placed his hand to my shoulder and I lifted my head up to look at his blue eyes.
"As a friend..." I mumbled.
"I know. That's the thing I have thought about myself so much.. what is wrong with me? Why he doesn't feel the same? I know I can't control other people feelings but.. as Verneri said, should I forget him and continue living?"
Joonas frowned again.

"Verneri said that? And hey, nothing is wrong with you, believe me." He stroked my back. I loved how Joonas was so caring.
"Verneri told me that he has a crush on me."
Joonas looked more confused, and I saw how he tried to connect the pieces.
"And I don't believe that he has played with me, like seriously." My voice started to be weak again, but I managed to stay calm.
"What he actually said to you about Aleksi?" He whispered because Joel was near us for a moment.
"That he doesn't deserve my love and I should forget him. And that Aleksi doesn't appreciate me." I explained.

"That guy talks bullshit. Aleksi appreciates you a lot. Verneri is.. weird. Don't believe a word he says, okay?" He looked at me serious.
"Don't underestimate him. He's my friend and boss after all."
Joonas just shook his head lightly and looked around a little bit.
"And has a crush on you, he talks things like that about Aleksi. Don't you see? He tries to wrap you around his finger, and he can do that. He's your boss and everything, don't fall for him." Joonas said seriously and I got little scared.

"I'm in love with Aleksi and you know that. I would never fall for Verneri." I said.
"Don't forget the fact that Aleksi doesn't love you back like that. Verneri is playing a game and I see that. He doesn't give up until you're his." He poked me with his finger.
He then walked away, and I was speechless.
My head is a mess right now.

After many hours boys started to perform, fans went crazy and my head too. I wanted to be there at the audience, jump around and sing and scream.
I stood next to Santeri all the time and watched at the same time what he did with his computer.
"I heard that you're an tattoo artist?" Santeri asked smiling, he had to speak straight to my ear that I would hear what he says.
Yes we shared a room yesterday, but we didn't talk much because we both were so tired.
"Yeah, I love my job." I smiled to him.
"Is it that place that is near the studio?" He asked next while boys talked a little on the stage between the songs.
"It is." I answered and followed what the boys were doing.
"So your boss is Verneri?" He looked me and I got suprised. Maybe shocked a little bit, it's always scary when somebody you know is talking about someone you know too, but you didn't know that they know each other.
You never know what secrets there is.

"How did you know?" I turned my head to look at him.
"Well he has been on same parties and so on..." He didn't look so happy anymore while he still stared the computer.
"Can I be honest and trust you?" He asked then, I just nodded.
"Be careful with him. I have seen how he plays with women and he can be very rude and a piece of shit. Once I saw at one party when he were kissing with some woman in front of her girlfriend back then. Then there was a huge fight. There was some time when he were playing with four women at the same time. He always told them how he loves them and that kind of shit. Then one day he told them how he had fucked with someone else and told how much better they are and.. yeah..." He explained fast and I got even more shocked.

"I can't believe my ears..." I got suddenly angry.
"If I remember right, he has had many women like you working on his studio, learning how to do tattoos."

"Fuck this shit.. literally. He has flirted with me all the time when I first came to his studio. And..." I started to talk but then I decided to stop right there. I don't want Santeri to know that I love Aleksi and.. about that mess.
"Be careful with him, seriously." Santeri looked me couple seconds with serious face.

After the gig boys were wild again and took beers, I did too.
"Tomorrow we are going to drink big after the gig. Be prepared to go to a bar." Olli smirked to me while he put his shirt back on.
"I will be prepared." I chuckled.

When we arrived to the hotel, I shared a room with Aleksi this time.
I was so tired, but Aleksi was even more. After all that jumping around and drinking afterwards, I'm not suprised.
I snuggled under the blanket and I were so ready to sleep, but I just gave a quick look to shirtless Aleksi.
When he turned around I closed my eyes faster than ever.
This is too.. weird. I can't live like this.