Dear friend, I love you

25. I love you

Erica

I woke up when Aleksi was shaking me a little bit.
"Mmhh.. what?" I mumbled and kept my eyes closed.
"It's time for breakfast, then we go to Seinäjoki." He said and I opened my eyes. I slept so good that I still feel like sleeping.
"Are you tired already of touring?" Aleksi chuckled when he packed his stuff.
"I don't know.. this is fun but.." I stood up.
Aleksi looked me confused, but he didn't get to say anything when someone was knocking our door already.
"Let's go!" Joonas' voice shouted behind the door.
Aleksi went to open the door.
"Shh! Shut up, don't wake up everyone in this hotel." Aleksi said and Joonas just chuckled. They already went for breakfast and in the mean time I got myself ready and packed the last stuff.
I took the last look of myself from the big mirror. I looked every part of my body, especially I studied my face. "What is wrong with me..?" I asked quietly.
Yes, maybe I'm swimming in self-pity, but what can I do?
I love him. I love Aleksi. And he sees me only as a friend. And he told me that he doesn't have the same feelings.

Then there is Verneri. All the stuff I heard last night.. still I can't understand and believe it. He was always so kind and good boss, what am I going to do now? Should I quit there and find a new studio?
What he will say? Does he even have a crush on me, or is he really playing?
Life is.. strange.
And I have to make decisions.

After the breakfast we started the journey to Seinäjoki. I just listened some music from my headphones for the whole time, and I kept my eyes closed too.
I was tired. Mentally.
I opened my eyes when someone was poking my shoulder.
"What..?" I asked from Niko when I took my headphones off.
"We are soon at the hotel, be prepared." He said, I just nodded.
Again, I was looking Aleksi for a moment. He was on his phone, and he smiled shyly. Then he texted something.
I felt jealousy right away, who he texted with?

After the soundcheck we all just layed on the backstage and listened some music and ate a little.
"Who is this little man texting with?" Joel smirked next to Aleksi, as he tried to watch what he was doing.
I was sitting little further away, close to Olli and Tommi.
All of our eyes landed on Aleksi, and I saw how he blushed.
"No one, leave me alone." Aleksi tried not to smile.
"I know it's a woman! Who is it?" Niko shouted excited. I felt a sharp feeling in my heart. Very sharp.
I could almost feel how all the bleed from my heart started to run away.
I saw how Joonas and Olli looked me quickly, but I tried to stay normal and not listen what they were talking about.
It was hard.

Joonas

"Come on dude, don't be shy!" It was Joel's turn again to tease Aleksi.
Then I saw how Erica stood up and started to leave the backstage.
"Where are you going?" I asked worried after her.
"I'll just need fresh air." She responded quietly. Joel and Niko were wrestling with Aleksi so they would get his phone, this situation started to annoy the shit out of me.
"Guys! Fucking stop that." I snapped as I stood up. I walked to a little fridge where I took an energry drink.
They stopped immediately and gave me strange looks, usually it's not me who gets annoyed when someone is wrestling, like I always join to it.
"What is it? Nervous?" Niko asked exhaused.
"No. This just pisses me the fuck off." I pointed them with my finger and they all frowned and looked each other in confusion.

"Joonas?" Aleksi asked gently.
"And you! What the heck is your problem man? Tell us, are you texting with a woman?" I walked closer to Aleksi and pointed him. I can tell you that everyone was very quiet and little scared in this room.
"Yes.. what are you angry for?" Aleksi asked. I sighed and walked a little further, as I let my fingers swim in my cotton hair.
"She's fucking in love with you! And you are just rejecting her! I would've never had believed of you that you would act like that." I snapped again.
Aleksi stood up and watched everyone in this room. Everyone looked shocked, except Olli. He knew the situation.
"Because of you she cried many days after you, couldn't eat and her cat died, as she hadn't had enough shit to go through! You all wanted her to be here, even tho all she needs is someone to talk and lean to. Yes maybe it's good for her to have her thoughts away from everything. But you, Aleksi, she can't get rid off. And you are here texting with someone else, even tho you know that she loves you!" I let all my thoughts and anger fill the room.