The Prodigy

Unpresidented

The name's Lisa Brandt, and I happen to be working for a top secret company at only 15. Sure, it's uncommon for a minor to land a job working for the Deep State, but that's mainly because I decided to major in government. My life is basically some True Jackson VP bullshit. Aside from my job, I'm basically just an average teenage girl. Although, I can't say the same thing about my coworkers, all of which are about half my age.

One day, I was reading FanFictions on my phone until Reagan Ridley, my mother figure, and one of my coworkers, came into the office. "Alright, let's just get right into this." Reagan said. "Jesus, can we turn on the lights for once?" All of us groaned when Reagan turned on the lights. "Some of us have hangovers, alright?" Andre explains. "I'm so sorry, Andre." Reagan apologized sarcastically. "Is your Molly comedown relevant to global security? Guys, we are shadow-running the free world here. Let's try to take this job seriously. As you recall, the candidate that we backed in the last election won, but turned out to be too dumb to manipulate. But thanks to my sick new invention, the Deep State will finally have a president we can control. Anyway, this is our biggest job yet, so, get your shit together. That means no huffing chemtrails." Andre began getting high on drugs. "Whatssat?" Andre asked. "No using drones to spy on your ex wife." Reagan explains. "Hey, you don't know what she's capable of!" Glenn, the half human and dolphin shouted. "And no taking selfies on the moon-landing set." Reagan continued, showing an image of me on the moon set with Gigi and Myc. "What the hell, Reagan! That was just one time!" I exclaimed. "Top secret isn't a thing for eights and above, Reagan." Gigi laughed. "Yeah, you're not the boss of us!" Myc added. "Actually, as of 12:00 pm today, I'm literally going to be the boss of all of you." Reagan said. We all groaned again. "And I'm gonna ban groaning. No more group groaning. That's right, you get them out while you still can." "Reagan, I'd like to see you in my office." JR, our boss said over the big screen. "Haha, suck my dick!" She shouted, leaving our office. "Welp, we're fucked." I explained.

While we went on lunch, Reagan introduced us to Brett, who just arrived today and is sharing her promotion. "You raise the hotness level at this office by at least 30%." Gigi told Brett. "Gigi, PR and media manipulation. I invented selfies to trick the country into surveilling themselves. This is Glenn, he's half dolphin as you can tell." "And proud of it." Glenn said confidently. "As the first volunteer for the man-dolphin super soldier project, I gave my DNA for my country. I now have the strength and intelligence of a dolphin." "I'm Lisa, child prodigy, technology expert, graduated from high school at only 15." I greeted. "One time, I accidentally hacked into Kim Kardashian's Twitter page and the whole website was down for a week." "This is Myc, he's a psychic mushroom from inside Hollow Earth." Gigi introduced. "He can read thoughts, though, so, honey, be careful." "Wow, you've memorized a lot of Dane Cook routines." Myc commented, placing a tentacle on Brett's head. "Guilty." Brett chuckled. "And I'm Andre, head of biochem." Andre introduced. "If you like drugs, I have the stuff that gave Ronald Reagan Alzheimer's." "Wow, what a group! Or can I call you, "the gang"?" Brett asked. "Ooh, honey, I like that." Gigi compliments. "Did you come up with that?" "Sure did, the gang." Brett replied, mimicking gunshots, making my coworkers laugh.

The next morning, We all met up with Reagan, who was testing out the robot president again. "Good morning, Mr President." Reagan said. "Would you like some coffee?" "You betcha, sweetheart." Robotus replied. "And I'll take a little sugar with that, if you know what I mean." "As you can see, I've gone above and beyond. Now Robotus is just as insufferable as the real thing." Reagan explains. "Fantastic." JR complimented. "The shadow board should be pleased." "We are." The Shadow Board leader said over a holographic projection. "How long have you been watching, Your Robenesses, sirs?" JR asked. "We're always watching. Very impressive." The Shadow Board said. "But is there any danger that it goes rogue on us? You know, like Terminator." "Oh, don't worry, he isn't self-aware." Reagan replied. "His brain is just a slurry of Super Bowl commercials and Aaron Sorkin dialogue." "We've fought damn hard to get where we are, but the American people can fight a lot damn harder!" Robotus shouted. "He's way too patriotic to revolt." Reagan said. "And bonus features, like this ergonomic travel setting. Finally, a president you can shut up with a button." "That'll do wonders for my back. How soon can we launch?" The Shadow Board asked. "Right away." Reagan replied. "We're swapping him out at the United Nations vote on barley prices. Even C-SPAN 15's not gonna be watching that shit." "Your team has done excellent work, JR." The Shadow Board commented. "I see a robe and a creepily disguised voice in your future." "Well, the praise here belongs to..." JR started as Brett came in with a box. "What up players?" Brett greeted. "Guess who brought bagels?" Everyone walked over to Brett to grab some bagels. Everyone except me and Reagan. "Brett, no one has ever gone above and beyond like this." JR said. "Hold on a sec, Reagan literally just solved artificial intelligence." I explained. "Brett's second day of work and productivity has already gone up 200%." JR complimented him, completely ignoring me. "Yeah, because I worked all night and finished early!" Reagan complained. "We are most pleased." The Shadow Board said. "We will not soon forget the name "Brett"."