War- Torn Child Turned Author with Anxiety

A Flower With No Stem

     Another visit with Puffy, another visit to the flowers. Un fortunately, Puffy disagrees and says that he'll only be writing for today. He loves writing, don't get him wrong, but no garden time? What kind of establsihment is this woman running? Nevertheless, he writes. Except he uses flowers to symbolise his emotions.

    They tried to lessen the load. They only added to it.

    They think that it's for your own good and whisper honeyed words.
   
     You allow them too. You wish to be a Magnolia, or a Lily of the Valley, yet are kin to the Begonias, Rues, and Creeping Willows.

     You wish to be like the Orchids, Rose Buds or the Crocus, yet are much to similiar to the Aloe, the Calendulas, and Marigolds.

      You pause, for everyone has a floaral counterpart...you wonder what theirs would be. Almonds and Snap Dragons you suppose.

      You hope you will someday match the White Lilacs, Bouvardias, Laurels, Bluebells, Swet Peas, and Asters in your nonexistant garden.

       For now though, you continue to join the Anemones, Scarlet Lillies, Ivy, and Acanthus in their beds. To them, you're family.

      You stop once again. You realize that you too, are a flower, yet you haven't been cut.

       You're an Alcacea Rosea, and you're still here with Queen Anne's Lace.

     He finishes writing, and hands the journal over to Puffy. Once she finished reading, she hands it back to Tommy. He's waiting for her to ask about the flowers, and how they pertain to his emotions. Instead she asks about one specific detail that he completely overlooked, a specific line he didn't want to talk about.

   "I noticed you wrote that you havent been cut, despite also being a flower," she pauses, reading his face and body for a reaction and conyinues once she notices he's giving none, "is that your way of saying that you haven't been hurt enough? Or that you've been hurt a lot mentally, yet there are no physical results, and you believe that the pain should be evident and apparent to others?"
     Oh god, he was right, Puffy had entirely misread the line and the meaning behind it. Aw man, he was hoping he wouldn't  have to explain that line specifically. Oh well, here goes nothing.
   "No, it means that flowers also have beauty, and even thos that don't, like Venus Flytraps, are still desired. You cut flowers because they have appeal, and you want them in your home," he watches her ponder over this, and its relevance to him. "Hence, the 'you notice you are also a flower, yet you haven't been cut,' line. I am a flower, I am beautiful in my own ways, yet I am still undesirable to those around me."
       Puffy wants to tear up, but she has a patient to take care of first and foremost. She keeps calm for now and makes sure to focus on the task at hand. "Okay, now for the flowers. I noticed that you used them in a manner that implies that you despise yourself, and want to be something or someone else. I'm sure that every flower has a different meaning, but we'll get to that after we talk about this entirely new person you want to be."
     He nods, ready to explain that is not what he wants, making sure to muster up what little energy he has left now. "Right, about that, I don't want to be an entirely different person. I want to be me, but not me? I want to be that little boy who tagged along with Wilbur, listening to him play guitar. I want to be that little kid who would run around cursing up a storm, who was bright, abrasive, and could smile wide for the littlest thing or no reason at all. I want to be who I was, not who I am."
    And if that didn't hit Puffy where it hurts, she's not sure what would. She scribbles down what Tommy said, ready to use it agianst anybody that claimed that he brought everything onto himself. She'll scribble down his reasoning later though, whether it be later this day or months from now. He continues, a nonstop rambling he wishes he didn't do, for his own sake.
   "I always hear people say 'you didn't used to do that' or 'you used to do this' and sometimes even 'you didn't always act like this, what happened to our bright boy' and thats the issue. I know what I was like, what I used to do, who I used to be. I want that version of me back too, I want to tell them that 'I don't know what happened to that happy boy either' but I do and that's another problem. That boy they miss 'oh so much' is dead. They killed him, he got lost during all the wars, and died somewhere between that second exile and the week long visit to that cursed prison."

    And gods, did that nearly make her cry. Next thing to do is ask about support systems if he does start feeling worse, but she's scared to. For the first time in her life, Puffy is scared of a patient. She knows he's not dangerous physically, but god does he know how to hurt a person mentally and emotionally.
    "You mean friends n shit? Mmm, don't think I have those anymore. Tubbo has Ranboo and Michael, y'know, his family? So no time for me, Quackity hasn't talked to much of anyone here lately, Purpled and I aren't exactly the closest, Sapnap killed Henry, and I'm not exactly close to him. Phil and Techno hate me for 'betraying them,' Wilburs dead, barely ever talked to Karl or George before, Callahans a fucking cryptid at this point, and Sam let me get murdered by him after a security issue trapped us together. Again, had an interaction or two with Foolish, Bad and all the people from that stupid cult want me dead, Jack and Nikki also want me dead, to the point where one even took my fucking hotel. So yeah, pretty much no friends," he continues.
     She wants to cry so much, for this boy whos been hurt, yet has no one to help him like everyone else does. He starts speaking again. "I have some old friends who I ran a business faction with, but I can't contact them because of the stupid distance thing on the Comms," he huffs at the last part of that sentence. She's relieved to hear that much at hte very least.
      "Okay, if possible try to contact them when you can, and tell them as much as possible, in the meantime I have a few favours to ask of a friend of mine, and that'll be our session for today!"
    Once again Tommy goes home, just happy to have gotten something off his chest, to not be judged or criticised for feeling the way he does.