Eden (Urban)

fifteen

Elijah adjusted suit as he leaned back in the chair. The lump in his throat expanded, but he refused to shed any tears.

Desmond didn't deserve that from him. But even in death, he was still ruining things for his brother.

Seeing his mother take the news of the death was painful. But what hurt worse was the look that she gave him. A look of blame.

She would never say it, but Elijah knew how to read his mother. She blamed him. She blamed him for hating Desmond, she blamed him for the strained relationship between her sons, she blamed him for his death.

Elijah was still under orders to not share any bit of information with his family or friends, but it was all eating him alive. His mother blamed Sai, she hated Sai for taking her baby away. But his mother also didn't know that Des was responsible for almost murdering Sai and successfully murdering her unborn child, which very well could have been his own.

She didn't have all the pieces to the story, and hearing her and their family members talk down on the woman he loved was pissing him off.

But he held his tongue, for the sake of his family, and showed his face at the funeral.

AME Zion Baptist Church was beautiful with its high ceilings and stained glass windows. Pictures and symbols of Black Jesus were everywhere. Though he grew up in this church, sat in every pew and touched every Bible, Elijah couldn't help but feel like he was too unclean to be sitting in such a holy place.

He couldn't help but feel like Des shouldn't even be allowed in the building, even in death.

The casket was a deep mahogany color with a silky white interior. Inside lay his brother with the most peaceful look on his face that Elijah had ever seen. He scoffed at the idea that Des was resting peacefully while the rest of them were fighting for their lives. Thinking about Sai living in a cage because of what he did had Elijah ready to walk out.

"Brothers and Sisters in Christ, we gather here today to celebrate the addition of an angel into God's heavenly kingdom." The pastor began the introduction of the service. As he rested his head in his hands, Tia sat next to him, rubbing his back.

She also knew and recognized how fucked up a person Des was, and had only come to play the part and be there for her cousin. Her mind went to Sai rotting away in a cell, and her heart sunk again.

Everyone took their turns going to the casket and viewing the body, Elijah's mother barely making it up the steps to see her baby one last time. She placed a kiss on his forehead before sobbing and wailing. Tia's mother and some other aunties led her back to her seat as she cried out for her lost child.

It felt like all the air was sucked out of Elijah's lungs, seeing his mother like that. He wished none of this ever happened. He wish he had never gotten with Bree, that he never cheated on Sai with Carmen, that he could just go back in time and love Sai with all of him.

Then maybe she wouldn't have ever met Des, he never would have tried to kill her, she never would have successfully killed him, and his mother wouldn't be wailing and reaching out for her child that would never take a breath again.

"Elijah," Tia spoke softly. "We should go see him." She stood up, offering him her hand. His chest heaved up and down like he was fighting for air, and he shook his head. He didn't want to see Des, even for the last time.

When people noticed he hadn't said his final farewell, they chalked it up to grief. But the hyperventilation was what was making everyone stare. Tia noticed him getting frustrated and took his hand and led him outside of the church.

The cool air hit him abruptly almost shocking him back into focus. "Eli, you gotta breathe. Please," she said in a soothing tone. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it, telling him to shut his eyes and focus on the feeling of their hands together.