UHAMBO x THE JOURNEY

Part 6

Mpande zaba ngoma bingelela Mpande zaba ngoma*
This is the first song I learnt ephehlweni, when gogo duties started this was the song the gogos sang as they invoked the spirit and got ready to dance. Umgajeko bosowenzekile, a distraught of an experience where I had to inhale so much of impepho neynyamazane I was throwing up. My new name beseliphumile, ngathiyiwa uGogo uDungamanzi. Lets get into Dungamanzi a little bit,I had two left feet so I couldn't gida to save my life. The most mischievous of them all, I swear I had never been called like I had been called during that period of my life. I always didn't wanna do this, too scared to do that, sleep was my deepest weakness after my girlfriend. I had soooo much trouble adjusting to waking up time soooo much that I would cry every morning or when I wouldn't cry, I would wake up at 03:15 am on the good days. On the worst days, it would be 6 and I would be sleeping in some corner there while the other gogos jumped past my stagnant body.

Haibo I would pray about this, the strength to wake up on time because the first thing you learn ephehlweni ukuthi akulalwa edlozini but I was always soooo tired I have never done this before. Sometimes I would be asleep while mama would talk to me and I would be on my knees head bent and drifting into other dimensions while I mumbled under my breathe, "Thokoza Mama" as she spoke.

Mama loves all her children all sooo fiercely like a mother lion, she loves them and fights for them. She loved us all sooo beautifully but her and I, became the best of friends, I know because we fought the most. I know that because she shouted at me the most. I know this because she would shout "DUNGAMANZI!!!" 5 TIMES IN THE SPACE OF 3 MINUTES AND WHEN I WOULD INTERNBALLY ROLL MY EYES AT HER SHE WOULD KNOW AND SHE WOULD LAUGH AT ME ON SOME: Dungamanzi keng ngwanaka okwatile hore I called you? Askies shem, ubuwe hape after you are done hokwata.

HAIBO WHAT IS THIS! I had the most attitude too because when we were being called to order I would have the biggest smile on my face, I mean when all the other gogos faces were turning red I would manage to smile so much I would zone out from what was actually happen at that moment. This is how I grew friends with the strictest members of the mpande, this is how I was renamed "SKELEM". I was called skelem because mama and mkhulu believed I had serial killer tendencies of smiling when I am mad or pulling this blank and innocent face when I had done something wrong and I wasn't willing to come clean at that moment. I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE EPHEHLWENI, EVERYTHING WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL AND HUMOROUS EXPERIENCE.

When it was time ho gida guys literally my back would become a freezer, mama would ask if it hurts when I dance because I sucked so much. She was still very patient with me, they all were nabo Mkhulu. They always gave me genuine smiles that radiated love, and the same disappointment when I was going out of my way to go out of the way. It was really the most genuine kind of love, but no matter what a hopeless case I was mama never gave in on me or even made me feel how hopeless I was. She was fun, she was a fun gobhela even after the first time angifaka inside isgenamba I really loved her (rolls eyes).

Two months in and the overwhelming feelings started to settle down a little, maybe it was because I was getting the hang of Gogo life and I had a MAAAD SUPPORT STRUCTURE inside that I felt sooo secure. It was the second month in and I owned three pairs of red skirts and a few bras to go with and tights nezinduku namabhayi, my hair was done, my belly was full, I was warm(kind of... We came into lefehlo at the peak of one of the coldest winter June 2018). My point here is, remember how I mentioned that I came in without a cent in my pocket? Yes and two months and there was nothing I needed, I had everything. My dlozi took me and turned me into an infant, and that I was.

Mama sifted her pockets to buy me uniform nezinduku, mkhulu went through her pockets to feed me, a baba went through her pockets one Sunday and bought me a few pairs of underwear and brought them to me, the other gogos in their own little corners contributed to my well-being with no complaint in sight. It was soo good that I had a smoke everyday, it was precious. One older gogo who was there was another one of my best friends, maybe the most best actually. She brought me sweeties from work, she noticed when I wasn't okay and would pull me to the side to ask what was wrong and she would hug and kiss me and told me she loved me and reminded me how strong I was. She said I reminded her of the 20 year old her, how strong I was. She was beautiful, she was my pillar she was the mother amongst all of us gogos. We would call her that, her mood swings were also always soo crazy we would giggle at her like little bratz hahahah.
Us four, it was Dawn(1st)Paballo(2nd)Paballo(3rd)Dineo(4th). We were little firecrackers! So much that even when we fought among each other someone had to call the police(joking) but seriously our sibling rifts were soooo insane, we would fight about someone leaving their cup on the floor.

Dawn and I though, had our own VERY SPECIAL FIGHTS. Phela since become gogos, we have some couple issues that arent sorted out like how I left the vaal without consulting anyone and leaving our stuff there. I couldn't fetch the stuff from there because now rent had defaulted because I was here and they had to keep our stuff as collateral.Dawn and Is fights intensified like two bulls in a kraal, we fought so passionately that sometimes we would forget we were gogos before being called to order, so much that one time we were found almost wrestling on the step. Our fighting was not healthy it had to come to an end, something had to come to an end because ultimately we were both there for our own ailments to find our own individual healing. I wasn't giving up on this in the name of my girlfriend being uncomfortable with my presence, I was a gogo now and so was she and I deserved to be afforded the same respect that I afforded her being a gogo...

We were both mad, at each other(she was mad that I hijacked her journey and me I was mad about a lot of things, I was 20yrs and unemployed and alone mo lefehlong and I was trapped into it didn't wake up and decide I liked I in actuality I promised myself I would never do it if I had to but I was here and my girlfriend was fighting me when I needed her strength and prayers like how I supported her when she came in, she was fighting me). It was okay, I had accepted that she would never make peace, so I was prepared to move on. The crazy thing is that us together we were a dlozi dreamteam, us together doing izinto zabo gogo we were sooooo insync it was like we were the same person or the same spirit. Mama would always ask us when we would see it and stop fighting about it, when we would see that our purpose together was that(to heal to heal each other and to help others heal). It still missed us, we didn't see it that our union was written in the stars. It was a beautiful love story that we were not present for. Also most of my weaknesses were her strengths and my strengths her weaknesses, that's how good it was we fight like a puzzle.
All of these fights didn't take away from the overall bond though, all of us loved and supported each other. Helped each other through tough times like imfihlo! What a godforsaken task this was, I thought, why is it soo difficult ukukhipha imfihlo? "CONNECT NGWANAKA, CONNECT!" Mama would say this all the time, connection was the most important thing that she emphasized overall. WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING MO LEFEHLONG DONT FORGET TO CONNECT!