I Lied When I Said I Was Okay (frerard)

part 14- Give Me A Sign

Guys, I’m so sorry for not updating in ages. Ugh I’m so sick of all the psychologists and shit, I’m in so much trouble right now, I hope you understand… but I am trying to update as often as I can. Wish me luck!
Anyways, here’s the new chapter walnuts <3

Gerards p.o.v:

I keep looking at him, still shocked as hell. I try to smile back but I simply can’t. I feel dizzy; I am having trouble coping with all of this shit.
“F—Frank? I-I d-don’t…. I c-can’t… I… I…” I mumble and try to get up but groan loudly as a sharp wave of pain shoots through my chest and my left knee.
“FUCK!” I groan and wince at the pain.
“NO, NO, NO! Gee, don’t get up!” Frank rushes to my bed and pushes me down gently. “Sshhh… just don’t move, Gee….” He sits at the corner of my bed and put his hand on my knee.
“I…. I-I… W-What?” I rub my eyes and shake my head.
“Can you remember anything?” he looks at me, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. I frown and a tear runs down my cheek.
“Y-Yeah, I-I... I guess I do…” I stutter.
“Then….. I’d like to say I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry I did it, Gee… I didn’t mean to, I wasn’t thinking straight… I almost killed us both.” He looks away and I grab his shoulder.
“You didn’t. We’re both here now, and we are very much alive, right?” he looks back at me with his golden eyes that make my soul melt.

“Yes, but it was all my fault. You… you wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t… we could’ve been dead now.” I wish I was dead now, actually…. He shakes his head and wipes a few tears as he looks away.
“Frank, it wasn’t your fault, listen to me!” I take his face and turn in to face me. “I was planning on doing it for a long time. I decided that I’d do it by jumping off the bridge of the mill and when I got there I saw you, and it tore me apart. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’d do it anyway. And it’s not because of you, don’t feel guilty!” he looks at me with a sympathetic look and grabs my shoulder with his hand.

“H-How long?” he asks. I look down at my hands and mumble the answer as quietly as possible.
“Almost a year.” 
“WHAT?!??!! WHY HAVENT YOU TOLD ME EARLIER?” he shouts, shocked by my answer.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, though. I just…. I didn’t want to annoy any other people with my problems.” I wipe a few tears out of my eyes.
“I’m not ‘any other people’ Gerard…. I should’ve known!” now, he sounds more hurt than angry.

“Wait, wait, wait…. Hold on! You…. You were exactly the same and you didn’t tell me anything! At least I admitted it to you when you found out, but you didn’t tell me anything! Not a damn thing!” I say angrily and Frank turns red.
“I really am fucking sorry…” he mumbles and looks down.
“Sorry doesn’t solve it, you said so yourself.” I say and cross my arms over my chest. My expression is angry.

“I promise I’ll never do it again.” he says and looks up at me. That’s more like it, I can’t risk losing him again.
“I promise, too.” I say a little calmer and smile at him sadly, as he crawls closer and hugs me gently. I press him tighter and run my fingers through his hair.
“I’m happy we’re alive.” He says as he pulls away.
“ I guess I am, too…” I am not really, but I don’t want frank to worry about me. After all, I did promise I’m not going to ever do that again.

“They…. They weren’t sure that you'd live… ya know, the doctors… my condition wasn’t bad, I was okay one day after we got here but you… they didn’t think you can make it. You lost a whole lot of blood and the condition of the wounds on your chest was dangerous. I…. I thought I’d commit suicide right here in the hospital room if you wouldn’t have made it." He sobbed lightly and I put both of my hands on his shoulders.

"Listen, Frank. We are both here, and we are very much alive. Everything is ok now, please don’t worry…" I try to calm him. He nods lightly and then shakes his head in disappointment.

"We're so stupid…" he says. "I mean…. That was really stupid. Completely and utterly pointless and stupid…"

 "Lets just…. Not think about it, Frank. What happened is gone and if we focus on our past rather than the present… we won't really get to live. But yes it was dumb. But let's forget it for now." He nods and shuffles his fingers together, and moments later the door is opened and there appears Mikey. He looks depressed but then his head shoots up and a wide smile spreads across his face as he sees me.

 "GEE! YOU MADE IT!" He exclaims and jumps on top of me with a hug. I chuckle and pat his back.
"Yeah I did, for you Mikey." Then he turns to face a smiling Frank as well.

"Now you two, listen to me. Don’t you EVER play in such dangerous place EVER AGAIN! Stay away from that bridge or you can fall again, I can't risk losing you guys." He says.

 What?

 Fall off the bridge…. Playing?

 We kind of attempted suicide, there is a whole fucking lot of a difference…

I give Frank a questioning expression and he replies with his ‘I’ll tell you later’ look. Oh, well. I rather Mikey doesn’t know abut me being suicidal and shit.

“We promise we’ll be careful, Mikes.” I smile at him and he hugs me again.

“I missed you, big bro.” he says and nudges my arm. Missed me? The fuck did he mean? I couldn’t be away for THAT much, could I?

“Missed me? Why….? How….. h-how long was I out?” I ask in a confused tone. Frank and Mikey exchange worried looks as Frank gulps and Mikey looks down. Oh shit…. What aren’t they telling me?!

“YOU GUYS! HOW LONG? WHAT ARE’NT YOU TELLING ME?” Frank sighs. I couldn’t be here more than a few days, right?

“Three…” he starts. That’s it, three days. Ok, I can cope with that. “….Weeks.” he completes the sentence.

Three weeks… three weeks… THREE FUCKING WEEKS?!??!!!?!?

Oh my god…. I was in the hospital, pumped with drugs and bandages and unconscious for THREE WEEKS? Holy shit, this can’t be good. My mouth was opened in an ‘O’ shape and I stayed silent for a few moments. That caught my by surprise.

“Three….. Fucking… weeks…” I say quietly but furiously. “THREE. FUCKING. WEEKS.” I say, louder this time. I shoot my body up but my chest starts aching again and I moan loudly as I feel light headed and my vision turns blurry. I chough loudly and both Frank and Mikey push me back to lay down.

“GEE. DON’T. MOVE.”  Mikey states with his hands still holding my shoulders down.

“Gerard, it’s fucking dangerous. Don’t you dare getting up.” Frank adds as they are both holding me down. My starts hurting. REALLY bad. I wince and close my eyes, I can’t manage to talk. I don’t get it…. Dangerous? How bad can my condition be??!?!?!

I moan again, my head really starts exploding, along with my chest.

“Frank, call the nurse!” I hear Mikey say as I groan again, this time a lot louder.

 A few minutes later I feel a sting in my arm, and I just lay without moving for a few minutes. As the pain starts to fade away I open my eyes and see a guy in a white coat in front of me. I assume he’s my nurse. He had messy black hair and green eyes. I could see faint signs of tattoos under his sleeve.

“You good there?” he asks and puts his fingers on my neck to check my pulse. I nod and he smiles. I have to admit, for a nurse this guy was pretty hot.

“Ok, great. Nice to finally meet you, Gerard, I’m glad you’re alive.” I smile at him and mumble ‘thanks’.

“I’m Billie, your nurse. Call me if you need anything, just don’t try to get up again alright?” I nod and he walks out of the room.

“You sure you’re ok?” Frank asks and walks towards me.
“Yeah, I’m good I say and smile at him.

“I gotta go guys. So, so sorry. Me and Ray have to finish our project, but I’ll get back as soon as possible. I promise.” Says Mikey as he comes closer and hugs me lightly.

“I love you.”
“I love you too, Mikes.” I say, he hugs Frank and then walks out.

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