Is it Right? | PJM ✅️

Chapter 3

~Natasha's POV~
Becoming an Army has changed me fully. I don't know what those 7 souls has done to my heart I started healing myself don't know how. Specially one angel within them that made my heart beat again. Made me feel that my heart is still beating. While searching their names and knowing their faces I stared at his face for God knows how long. Without even knowing slowly tears started form and flowing from my eyes for the first time since I lost my mother. After becoming a zombie I didn't feel anything and didn't cried since. No one noticed that I was becoming numb and cold. I am not saying that Rohan is a bad husband. He cares for me, he is understanding. If I am uneasy about anything or I don't feel well he tries to cheer me up and take care of me. I guess he still loves me. But the problem lies on me. Everything made me numb and lifeless.
But when I saw that angel's face made me feel alive and most importantly made me cry. After a long time of crying I was feeling very light. It was like something extremely heavy just got off from my chest. Well for my own good I started to staring at that Angel's face agin and again, and that Angel's name is Park Jimin. I understood life is not worth quitting rather it's worth living. Whatever I have I have to give my 200% to make it better. Atleast life shouldn't lack my own efficiency. I tried to be a good a good mother, a good daughter and a good daughter-in-law. I also became a very good friend of my husband Rohan as we used to be. Also gradually my suicidal tendencies decreased and my depression also relieved. I was on a healing process and I could feel that. But I couldn't love him as I used to love him. How could I? At this moment I not only realised that I fell out of love but I also realised that the heart that started to beat again doesn't belong to me anymore. I don't know when or how I gave it as an offering to my savior. I know what I did was wrong. I don't deserve it. I am not even equivalent to the dust under his foot. His is extremely talented and I have not talents. I trust me I didn't do it consciously.
***Note***
BTS are idols. We should idolize them, worship them and respect them. Even something like this happens to real life we should keep it to ourselves. We should not bother them for our own feelings and our own mistake. I know something like this isn't in our hands. But we should keep it within ourselves. Be respectful to our seven purest souls.
Back to the story.
So that's why I couldn't have any physical relationship with my husband as a wife. I am not that type of a girl who just to satisfy herself she can sleep with anyone. As I always been a "good girl" I am kind of reserved and to me physical relationship isn't just about getting satisfied. For me it's the unite of two hearts and two souls. I also started working for my husband as I was not allowed to work outside. But Rohan understood that I need to work. Only household making me dull. He is a freelancer software engineer so he made me his project and account manager. I was happily working for him. I felt that finally I was doing something for myself. I started to find myself again. That's how 2 more years passed. But then everybody around us was pressuring me for another child. But how can I express that I can't as I can't allow Rohan to come near me. Rohan also wanted that but i was somehow saving myself from him. It was really a difficult job for me to keep my husband away from myself.