Soulbound

For the best

The sun had completely set. The two whispering witches had left with promises to return in the morning. Severus had every intention on staying on the couch for the night but after his talk with Minerva he could help but want to see his soulmate. He stood at the bedroom doorway for what felt like hours just staring at the back of her body. He could hear the gentle sobs that came from crying all day as he walked towards the bed. He began unbuttoning his jacket, as he slid out of his shoes. He couldn't remember the last time he changed his clothes or showered since the days had began to run together. He could smell her scent of vanilla, jasmine, and lavender lingering from the tub still filled with the milky water from that morning reminding him of the first time he met her in the great hall at breakfast. That subtle euphoric smell of a garden after a summer rain found his nose before "hello" could be spoken. The memory made him crack a sideways smile as he remembered the way she looked at him that first time. It enchanted him then and he wished he could see it now, just for a moment. He climbed into the bed facing her and moved his body close to hers. Pushing her unruly curls out of her face, he noticed her tear stained cheeks. He kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes.
"I'm sorry" he heard her faint cracking hollowed voice say at almost a whisper as she pushed her face closer to his. He didn't expect a word to fall from her lips, so he was caught of guard. Before he could say the words he scripted in his mind over and over, Willa continued.
"I should have never chased Black that night. We would still have our baby."
He could tell by the way she spoke that she was full of remorse and was angry with herself. Severus inhaled deeply as Willa sniffled against his chest. He could feel her whimpers against his breastbone as she buried her face away from his sight.
"How could you have known?" He asked in attempt to etch away some of her obvious guilt. "I didn't Severus. I swear I would have never intentionally hurt our child or put her in any danger."
His eyebrows furrowed as he searched for something to say.
"I know my love, I know. We'll work through this together."
Taking comfort in his arms, Willa finally relaxed enough to sleep. Severus couldn't sleep even though his body craved the rest. Instead he found himself thinking back on the dream he had the night that Willa woke from her comatose state after the dementor attack. The black haired little girl calling him dad. The way it made him feel to have his child and Willa together, in their home. It was a small moment of pure bliss and he yearned for it. The tears that he held back durning the day began to fall, releasing his pain he hid. The sudden reminder of his past loathing himself and how he never deserved love and happiness.
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Willa woke to silence. Severus had fallen asleep encasing her in his arms. Her eyes shot up to his. They were closed and he was in a deep sleep. She laid her head back down onto his chest, hearing his heartbeat. It was strong. It was so sound that she didn't realized she longed for. His steady heartbeat is what lulled her to sleep some nights and since she suffered the dementors kiss, Severus sat near her but never laid with her in the bed. It was like her mind was put back on track. She felt a pop of reality shift inside her. The fog that once gathered inside of her mind was clearing. Her hand traced down the front of her linen dress and rested where her bump would be. Guilt raged through her once more. She didn't know how she could ever forgive herself. Feeling Willa move slightly, Severus bent his head down and kissed the top of hers in attempt to calm her. She nuzzled her face into his chest and closed her eyes once more. He made her feel safe. She was puzzled on why he still loved her. Her actions stole his happiness but What she didn't realize was that she was his happiness, his home.
   Severus woke the next morning to an empty bed. The sun shone brightly through the window and lit the room so brightly his eyes couldn't focus. He sat up rubbing his eyes thinking back on the night before and how he ended up in the bed. The weeks had begun to run together and he hadn't slept a full nights sleep in weeks, so each time he fell asleep he would wake wondering how long he was asleep for.
"Willa." He sleepily called out and waited for her answer.
"I'm in the sitting room Severus. I'm alright if you want to go back to bed." She sounded like her old self. Full of life and positivity. He wanted to see for himself so he scooted to the edge of the bed and skipped his routine of dressing. His black button up was untucked, his hair disheveled, his eyes rimmed with dark circles left Severus feeling unlike himself as he entered the sitting room where he found Willa looking remarkably put together. She sat on the lounge wearing her black robe sipping tea. Her face had been restored from the grey colored, sunken in cheeks, and swollen eyes. Her cheeks were rosy as were her lips as she shot him a smile. Her hair was pulled up like she always did in the morning before her bath. In her hand she held a white porcelain tea cup and in the other the matching saucer. He felt as though he were dreaming considering she could barely speak much less move just hours ago. His bare feet stepped from the cold stone floor onto the throw rug leading to the lounge. "How are you feeling? Are you alright?" He asked cautiously awaiting for the whole scene to wash into a dream.
"I'm fine, I just couldn't bare to lay in that bed one more hour. Would you like some tea? I can have Pip bring up a fresh pot."
Severus perched himself on the chair in the corner of the room while shaking his head no. He rested the back of his head on the chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. The lack of sleep was weighing heavy. Willa sat still watching Severus fall to sleep while sitting up, Waiting for the perfect time for her request. "Severus." She called out. Her voice was sturdy. He raised his eyebrows as indication that he was listening.
"I want to go home." She said sternly causing Severus to open his eyes. He leaned forward pressing his elbow into his knees.
"We talked about this Willa. Not until your better." He shot back. His words were loving but was packed with a blow Willa was ready for.
"I want to leave Severus. I'm tired of these same walls. You say wait until I'm better, what would you describe as better? Minerva will not let me near a classroom, I'm confined to my room, and I have no interaction with people. Please Severus I'm begging you." Her tone became harsh. He knew she was ready to go home to Cokeworth but mentally and physically he felt like she wasn't quite there. Not wanting to break her heart yet again he decided to play the Poppy card. "Alright then. If Poppy feels like it is safe for you to travel then we will go home. But if she says no, I need you to give me your word that you will ask no more until I decide it's time."
  Shaking her head violently, Severus saw a glimmer of the spirited side of Willa. Although he just knew that Poppy would definitely say yes and let her travel. Willa stood slowly, righting herself in the arm of the lounge and fixing her silk robe.
"What are you doing?" Severus asked watching her pace herself to get to the door.
"I'm going to ask her." She answered determined to get to the door before he could change his mind. She moved slower then usual, her body sore and cramping, but she pushed herself to move as quickly as her feet could carry her. Severus saw this and jumped into action knowing her motives. He threw himself against the door blocking the exit.
"It's still early, She's probably not even awake yet. Wait here and I'll fetch her." He practically begged with his eyes as he stumbled over his words. Willa knew exactly what he was doing. She knew he felt safer in the confines of Hogwarts rather then being alone with Willa at Spinners end. She was in a weakened state and he was struggling with the thought of soulfully having to be the provider of happiness. He loved her but was terrified to have to face the reality of her depression and loss of their child head on.
"Severus, what are you doing? Move away from the door." She demanded pushing her way around him, reaching for the door knob. Severus pushed his body harder against the door but she was able to use her hip to successfully free the knob and pull the door open.
"Willa wait a moment. Let's think about this. Let's stay here, we have all the comforts of home, plus Poppy and Minerva are here." He begged, following her into the hallway. She stopped and took a deep breath.
"Hogwarts will always be home, but I want to go to OUR home. I want it to be just you and me, no interruptions, no shared space." He felt defeated. Her mind was made up and she was going to get her way if he liked it or not. Severus scratched his head and sighed.
"Let's just see what Poppy says."
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   Stepping into the hospital wing, they were met with radiant bright sunlight glinting through the large windows. The fresh scent of lemon filled the room indicating the oversized room was being cleaned. The beds had been stripped of all linen, leaving the mattresses bare. Severus looked around the room only to find two small house elves scrubbing the floor down the center aisle. Turning to Willa he held back the smile he wanted to plaster across his face well.
"She's not here." He beaconed with the hopes of potentially finding Poppy first and conditioning her to reason Willa to stay. Willa's eyes searched every corner, she moved towards Poppy's office door which was open but there was no light on inside. Peeking in she found no signs of Poppy being on site recently. She exited back into the large room and found Severus holding the large door leading to the hallway open. Saying nothing she glided out into the dark hall. As door closed, the sight of Poppy making the corner made Severus's stomach and face drop.
"Willa, what are you doing out of bed?" The matron witch asked hold out her arms in a welcoming manor. Willa grabbed Poppy's hands and with an oversized smile she gave them a squeeze.
"Severus agreed to take me home." Willa started her plea. Poppy's eyes lit up with excitement for her friend and also a little surprised, knowing Severus would more then like rather Willa stay.
"That's great news! I know you've had your hopes set on leaving for the last few weeks." She flashed a look of surprise towards Severus who stood beside Willa and held a look of dread on his face. Seeing his reaction she quickly turned back to Willa who continued. "His only request was that I check with you to see if it would be safe in my condition." She added. Seeing Willa in great spirits had Poppy feeling optimistic but she knew where Severus head was. Glancing his way quickly she gave Willa a pat on the shoulder.
"Well let me give you a once over and we'll see about sending you on your way." Her answer was kind and she placed her words on Willa's end of the scale but by the look she gave to Severus as she slowly walked Willa back inside the hospital wing, he knew she understood his motive.
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Minerva and Severus paced the grey stones in front of the fireplace so much that one would have thought either one of them could fall through at any moment.
"Of course she wants to leave Hogwarts, right now all she can think of is the dementors and the loss of a little one." Minerva explained. Severus never uncrossed his arms. He continued marching back and fourth frustrated that he was about to lose the battle he was fighting. She was right. The only way Willa was ever going to fully recover from the attack was to take her away from where it all began. Poppy entered the sitting room from Willa bedroom. She gave a gentle smirk in their direction as she closed the door slowly careful not to slam it. Severus and Minerva both met her halfway across the room.
"Well?" He asked nervously. Poppy attempted to hold back the truth knowing it was going to break him.
"Severus, I know you are scared about leaving the safety of Hogwarts, but Willa is in fact healing from both traumas quite well. I think you should do what she's asking and take her home." She then took his hand and gave it a pat letting him know it was over. He had no choice but to bring Willa to his childhood home in Cokeworth. The small rundown hole in the wall held so many miserable memories for him but joyous ones for her and that was what had him now leaning to Willa's side in hopes she would make a full recovery and go back to her normal bubbly self.
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Severus held his end of the bargain. He would take the week off and travel to Cokeworth with her and then travel to and from Hogwarts on the weekends via floo.
Minerva at this point had taken over Willa's ancient artifacts class with the help of Poppy following Willa's complete instructions. Though it were only January, Dumbledore agreed with Willa that the class would be phased out at the end of February and wouldn't resume until the following school year. Physically healing wasn't the challenge, the hardest task was emotionally arriving at the acceptance of their loss. Willa blamed herself while Severus blamed the remaining Marauders. Remus Lupin was stabbed with eye daggers every time he was in the presence of Severus. Severus longed to poison him through his wolfsbane potion but didn't dare go against Dumbledore. No, he would have to wait for his revenge. Willa on the other hand worked on forgiving herself. Reaching in the very depths of her soul and finding fault with only the struggles of her past.
    Willa closed her trunk and locked it in preparation for travel. Severus promised to escort her to dinner before they set off to Spinners end. Standing in front of the mirror in the corner of her room she took haste on adjusting her dress before Severus drifted through the door of her sitting room.
"In here." She called out. Severus appeared in the doorway in his usual black attire and a look of dread and despair on his face.
"All packed I see."
"You're not?"
"Not completely. I just have a few things left, but only packing for the week."
Willa turned her body in his direction. Still disappointed that she would be alone for most of her time she would be spending in Cokeworth, she looked forward to it.
"I'll help you pack after dinner." She promised crossing the floor and taking his hand.
"I can manage, you need to rest." Severus suggested lifting his gaze to her eyes.
"I'm tired of resting. Now let's get to dinner before everything gets cold."
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    Minerva and Poppy both greeted Willa in the Great Hall and whisked her away with the big news of a Gryffindor win during the quidditch game, before Severus could contest. He was left at the entry doors staring at the back end of the three witches gracefully marching down the center aisle. He watched momentarily as Willa's long curls that fell down her back swayed with every step before he took his signature long legged strides that students feared and sat at the only seat available, between Hagrid and Lupin.
   He grumbled and pursed his lips in forced silence as the glass before him filled with wine. He wasted no time throwing it back before shooting his eyes towards Willa who seemed to be having a rather joyous time.
"I heard the news. Pity she's leaving, the students adore her." Remus lightened the hostile air.
"Among others." Severus replied knocking back  a second glass of wine before stabbing his roasted potatoes with his golden fork.
Remus cleared his throat, he was only attempting to make light conversation and slowly clear the air with Severus.
"I suppose it's for the best. I suppose a change of scenery will help her get back to her feet. She's finally starting to look like her old self again."
Severus lifted his stare towards Willa and back at Remus and noticed that Remus was smiling in Willa's direction. Throwing his fork down and wiping his mouth, Severus sat back forcefully in his chair.
"It's not the scenery she needs to escape from. She hates you and Black. Blames you both for the whole innocent."
"As do you."
"As do I. She wishes to never speak or see you ever again. I surely hope you respect her wishes." Severus seized the opportunity to point the blame once again. Remus felt like he was being stabbed in the heart and ripped to pieces. The fact that Willa hadn't spoke to him since the innocent with the dementors, he had no reason to disagree with Severus. Severus feeling like achieved his goal reached out for his wine and took a celebratory sip.
"Alright then." Remus whispered feeling quite defeated.
"You win Severus. She will never have to look upon my face again."
Severus never showed a sign of victory just finished his third glass of wine as Remus walked weakly took his leave.
"Wonder where he's off to." Hagrid chimed.
"Said he had things to do, fugitives to visit I presume."
Severus didn't worry much about his accusation since he could smell the liquor rolling down Hagrid's shoulders. Finally he rid the threat of losing Willa to the Marauders and for once he was content with the idea of her leaving the castle.
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   Willa left with Minerva after dinner. Severus didn't ask questions but took it as the two were saying their goodbyes. At this point it didn't bother him by the amount of wine he had to drink to execute his lie to Lupin. As the room cleared of students, he sat pondering his next move. He needed to complete his packing but refused to leave Willa overnight. Sleeping next to her was all he needed all he desired. He could leave Hogwarts and never return as long as he could have her. Being the last one to leave his seat, he staggered momentarily while leaving the table. Four glasses of wine and a semi empty stomach left him in a dizzy yet euphoric state allowing him to forget the daily pain he secretly treasured. After all, they were the reason he still drew breath. Harry Potter was a constant reminder of the love he thought was true yet abandoned him in the end, and also the jealous monster the absence of that love created. Mirrors haunted him, for the reflection within reminded him of his mother and how he couldn't save her from the choices she made either. Seeing Remus undoubtedly help his friend back into the castle only brought back the horrible memories of his youth. And Willa, having her pledge her undying love to him, accepting him the way he was without hesitation or fear. She gave him hope and reason to live. In the back of his mind  she loved another and he was a pawn in her game. He could never be truly happy due to his past, for all the reminders were there. He climbed the steps to the corridor leading to her quarters unsure if she would be there or not but he was in no mood to search for her. Finding the door leading to her sitting room, let himself in and landed onto the lounge in the middle of the room. He sighed while kicking off his shoes. Golden flames rose before him as he waved his hand towards the fireplace. The room began to fill with a comfortable temperature of heat and Severus relaxed knowing that Willa would be arriving any minute.