promise?

28.

i walk up to john b's house, shame and doubt filling my whole body. why am i here? i walked the whole way just dreading that i had to talk to jj, but it's the right thing to do, right?

the twinkie is in the driveway and the boat is in the water, they're here. i walk up to the porch, memories flooding my mind of the other day. i kissed him. why did i kiss him?

first the porch door, and then the actual door. i open it and there they are. kiara and sarah are on the couch, john b and jj are playing beer pong, and pope is watching the news. they all look up at me. all i see is disappointment.

"hi.." i start.

kie rolls her eyes, john b and pope look at me with sorrow, sarah has utter disappointment in her face, and jj clearly just wants me to leave.

"why are you here y/n?" kiara asks, a bitchy tone approaching her voice.

"i need to talk to you." i say, looking around at everyone, "all of you."

kie scoffs.

"you have some nerve coming here, you know that?"she says.

"i know.. and i'm sorry." i assure her, looking down at my feet.

"topper huh?" jj starts.

i look up at him.

"jj-"

"i guess you're a full kook now." he finishes.

i'm silent. he's kinda right. i ditched my friends for the kooks and topper is trying to get me to go back into that phase.

"you know, you took the only chance i had at happiness y/n." he says.

i look at him in confusion.

"because of you, i lost bella. you kissed me in-front of her. i thought-" he laughs, ignorantly, "i actually thought you and me had a second chance, but i guess i was wrong."

i feel awful. he's right, and he didn't deserve that. i don't know what came over me that night.

"i'm sorry jj. i was wrong, and i get that but-"

"no buts!" kiara shouts, "you messed up y/n! take some responsibility for once!"

i want to fight against that. kiara is the absolute last person that gets to tell anyone how to take responsibility, but i'll let her say whatever because i'm the one in the wrong right now.

"i am! i fucked up- multiple times! i get that! i'm sorry!" i shout back.

the room goes silent for a second.

"what happened to you y/n?" pope asks, "what happened to my bestfriend?"

ouch. i get it. i fucked up, and because i ducked up, i lost my bestfriends. pope really had to rub that in with just a few words.

"you used to be the happiest person in the world and then.." he pauses.

i know what he wants to say. i left my friends behind. i stopped being the positive bean pope knew. i changed over a boy.

"..my boyfriend killed someone." i finish his words.

everyone's face drops.

"that's where it went wrong." i whisper.

i cant force my voice to speak actual words. rafe is the last person i want to talk about right now, especially after like 30 minutes ago.

sarah gets up and pulls me into a hug. i hug her back.