Lost

Butterflies, Goosebumps...and a Cockroach?

Mikey and I have been walking in the sewers for what's felt like fucking hours. We've at least walked a few miles, my legs are killing me. I'm pretty sure Mikey feels the same way, he's been walking pretty slow.
"Are we there yet?" Mikey groans.
"Oh, yeah, I see the lair." I scoff and roll my eyes. Of course we aren't there yet.
"Really?" Mikey perks up for a second.
"No, idiot. But there's light coming from ahead."
"Light?"
"Yeah, remember when there was construction a few months ago?"
"Yeah?"
"The construction workers never took down their lights, remember? All of the reconstructed tunnels have lights in them."
"Oh, yeah. I remember."
"We can rest up there."
"Thank God," Mikey picks up his pace a little bit, now he's walking next to me.
When we reach the light, there is a huge opening. This is great.
Mikey collapses to his knees and he face plants into the ground. "I am so tired," he groans. "How long have we been walking?"
"Oh, I don't know let me just check that clock."
"What clock?" He says and he lifts his head to look around the room.
"Really?" I laugh at him. "I was being sarcastic, dummy."
"Meanie." I walk over to the wall and I lay on my side with my back to the wall. My shell hurts to bad, there's no way I can lay on it.
"I think we close to home," I say and cold my arm under my head. "We're maybe a few hours away." My sense of time is all messed up. It's not like we have anyway to check the time. Especially now that we are in the sewers, to be honest I'm not even sure if it's still night. It could be early morning for all we know. And I'm having a hell of a time to try to stay awake. Especially now that I'm laying down, but there is no way I'll be able to stand up without resting for a while first.
"Raphie."
"Don't call me that."
"I don't suppose you can build a fire?"
"Oh yeah, let me just get some branches from over there." I roll my eyes at him, where does he think I'm going to get the materials to build a fire? Does he expect me just to pull them out of my ass?
Mikey rolls into his side so he's facing me. "I'm cold," he looks at me with big pouty baby eyes. I sigh and I smile softly.
"Come here," I open my arms and Mikey smiles. He gets onto his hands and knees and he crawls over to me.
He lays on his side so his back is against me. He scoots back a little, closing what little space was in between us. His head is laying on my arm and his has one of his hands resting on my arm near his face. I think he has his other arm wrapped around himself.
I put my free arm around his stomach and I curl my legs up so they're under his.
"Better?" I whisper and Mikey nods.
"Thanks," he whispers back.
badum...badum..badumbadumbadumbadum
My heart is racing again and that damn sickening feeling is back. It feels almost like there are butterflies in my stomach that I need to throw up and stomp on.
I mean, I guess it's not that bad of a feeling but it makes me feel weird and I don't like that.
I wonder if Mikey feels it too, I only feel like this when I'm close to him. Maybe I'm sick or soemthing- actually. I remember Donnie rambling on about April once. I think he said soemthing about her giving him butterflies, I thought they were literal butterflies. But wait...what does that mean if I feel like that towards Mikey...?
Fuck no. I'm done thinking about this. No, no, no I do NOT have feelings for Mikey.
I'm literally spooning with him now.
Maybe I do....
No.
I mean-
"Raph?" Mikey whispers and I jump, I had no idea that he was still awake.
"Y-yeah?"
"N-never mind."
"No, what's up?"
"No, never mind."
"Okay, get some rest." Mikey nods.
I can feel myself really fighting to stay awake too. I was up all day in the woods and who knows how long we were walking for.
My eyes close and I can feel myself sinking into a deep sleep.

Mikey's P.O.V
I can't sleep, even though I'm totally exhausted. I can't stop thinking. I'm so confused about mine and Raph's relationship. He's never treated me, or anyone else like this. Usually whenever I try to hug him he shoves me off and tells me to get lost. But back in the woods he let me sleep in his leg, and on the truck I was literally on his lap, and now! What the heck is going on now?
And in the woods...when he wiped the blueberry mess off of my face he was looking at me the same way Donnie looks at April. I would trade any amount of pizza to know what was going through his head at that moment.
I wanted to ask Raph what the heck is going on and what he's thinking but I couldn't find the right words to say. And I'm so scared that if I say the wrong thing that he'll push me away.
I really don't want him to push my away...
I sigh and I look at his hand. His knuckles, I extend my arm and I carefully slide my hand under his and I hold it gently, they're so beaten up.
I really want to know what was going through his mind when he was beating up that poor tree. Was he mad at me?
The other thing I really wonder is if he'll still be this way when we get home. I hope he is. I like Raph's soft side a heck of a lot more than his hard side. He puts on this big, tough mask of anger all the time but since we've gotten lost he's been looking out for me, he's opened up to me about his feelings and thoughts, and he's been keeping me safe. It's not like he hasn't done that before, but this time it just felt different, ya know? Like it feels deeper like he really cares.
And he hasn't been nowhere near as angry as he usually is. His presence has been very comforting.
I sigh again and I curl up against him a little more.
How do I feel?
I feel like Raph and I have a deeper connection.
I really love being in his arms like this...I wish I never had to leave, I could stay here for the rest of my life. The only time I would want to leave is to get pizza.
Mmmm I really miss pizza.
Raph groans quietly and he hug me a little bit and he squeezes my hand.
I smile to myself and I squeeze his hand back, but I'm pretty sure that he's out cold. He's been awake for a long time.
Now I have a weird feeling inside of me. It feels like my insides just got all warm and tingly. It's like goosebumps but inside of me.
You know how Donnie feels about April? I think I feel that...but for Raph.
Wait, am I gay?
I probably shouldn't feel like this...but I can't help it. I want to be with him. But how am I supposed to do that?
And what if I'm overthinking?
I close my eyes and I take a deep breath. I just want to enjoy this feeling while it lasts.