Shameless (Hwang HyunJin)

08 | If We Listen

I look at the laptop screen, typing up a new email for one of Mr. Hwang's investors, Leon Modeling. I pour myself another cup of coffee before continuing to edit and proofread the email Hyunjin had given me Friday and the weekend off. He wanted me to have time to myself and grieve in my home rather than be miserable at the office; I was okay with being alone right now. But it feels so strange not having Adonis around; it felt empty and quiet. I looked at the time--9:40 PM; Hyunjin had called early, letting me know he would swing by after work. I immensely enjoy his company; it made me feel less lonely. Sarah and Violet have been working extra late at Seo's Club; with October coming up, the clubs has been getting busy.

I sent the email and closed the laptop before getting up from the dining table; I placed the empty mug in the sink. I double-checked that all the windows and doors were locked. There haven't been any weird creep events since last week, and I'm glad but still paranoid.

I lay on the couch and turned the TV on; my eyes wandered around the living room. It's empty, feels empty...I can't believe Adonis is gone. I've had him since he was a pup, and now he's gone, I rest my head on his favorite pillow that he used to sleep on. I bring the blanket up to my chin and let the tears fall; it hurts. Adonis was my everything, and I spent my whole life with him. Now, it feels so empty and lonely without him; my lips quiver as a sob escapes. I look at the TV, not caring about it whatsoever. I want Adonis back, but that's not gonna happen.

I was startled upon hearing knocking at the front door; I wiped away the tears and got up from the couch. I walk over to the front door, peeking through the side window to see Hyunjin. I unlock the door. "Are you feeling okay?" He asked, walking inside the house closing and locking the door behind him. I walk back into the living room and curl up on the couch. Hyunjin removed his blazer, setting it on the couch's armrest, "I'm fine..." I said, forcing a small smile. Hyunjin was a hard person to convince when it came to emotions, "Your eyes are red and puffy, Lexie," He said, sitting on the couch. I let a small chuckle leave my lips as I turned my attention to the TV; some horror movie was playing. I felt the side of the couch by me dip lightly, "It's nothing to worry about," I uttered.

Hyunjin managed to get me into his arms as we sat silently, probably not even paying attention to the movie; my head was resting on his shoulder.

Hyunjin began to play softly with my hair as we watched the TV, "What made you get into business?" Hyunjin asked. I bite my bottom lip, "It was my only option," I said. I pull the blanket closer to me, "Your only option?" Hyunjin asked as he held me closer. "My parents gave me two options...either I do something financially successful or get married to Francis Deville, so I picked business." I said, letting out a tired sigh. Hyunjin had muted the TV, "You're doing business because your parents wanted you to marry someone financially stable?" He asked, looking at me with eyes I couldn't read or explain.

I nodded, "Yeah, my parents have always loved the idea of controlling my siblings and my life, but of course, when I had turned nineteen, I broke out of their control by ru—moving out." I said, sitting up and getting up from the couch. "Lexie...you ran away from home? How long have you been living in Seoul? Have your parents tried getting in contact with you?" Hyunjin gave question after question; I looked at him. "Does that even matter, Hyunjin?" I asked, starting to feel annoyed just by talking about my parents.

"Don't you think your parents are worried?" Hyunjin asked. I let out a laugh and looked at him with an amused smile. "Worried? Hyunjin, there's so much about my life you don't know." I stated, I folded the blanket and set it on the couch. "My parents never cared about me; as the third oldest of the family, all they cared about was marrying me to some rich guy," I said, sighing.

Hyunjin seemed concerned and perplexed, "When I was in high school, I had bad habits—addictions. I was partying, drinking alcohol like there's no tomorrow, and stuffing my nose with coke. During my sophomore year, I realized that I needed to get out of that dark place, so I went to my parents wanting help....only for them to throw me into some rehabilitation run by a Christian church when my parents were Catholics." I said, wiping away my useless tears.  I rolled my shirt sleeves up, revealing the scars and old wounds I had done to myself in the past, "I wasn't okay; that rehabilitation was a living hell for me. My parents didn't care if I lived or killed myself. All they cared about was their reputation and their greed for wealth." I said.

Hyunjin's eyes were glossy and filled with empathy, "That is why I ran away from home and escaped to Seoul, and I'm better off not having to worry about them at all." I admitted. Hyunjin's grip on my arms was tender; the way he inspected the scars was so careful and gentle. Hyunjin pressed soft kisses on the wounds; I gave him a dazed expression. "I'm sorry," He whispered, tears covering his glass-like skin. I shook my head in response, "I'm sorry for not realizing that you were once in a dark place; I'm sorry for pushing you..." Hyunjin whispers. I wipe away his tears, "It's okay, you didn't know." I said.

Hyunjin pulls me against his chest, his arms wrapped around me. His warmth swallowed me whole as his empathy made me wonder if he had been in a dark place. I wrap my arms around his waist, closing the distance between us. "Are you okay?" He whispered, I smiled softly. "I am now," I said, I looked up at him. Hyunjin smiles, "I'm glad, I worry about you...a lot," He said. I smiled, "You don't have to," I said. Hyunjin pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, "I find myself caring about you every minute Alexie," He admitted. My heart is racing like crazy.