Eisoptrophobia - a ranboo angst

Chapter 5 - Missing

hahahahhahahahaha again no shipping thx <3

TW(s)- mention of SH, anxiety

Ranboo pov - 

I talked to the flight attendants after that, they had me moved and the flight was peaceful after, just watching Tommy stream till it was time to get off. I was blank, empty, tired. All the energy I had before was gone as I watched people stand from the seats and grab their overhead bags. I watched as they moved and talked to one another, but I couldn't hear. Everything was so blank as I thought about the blade in my bag. Longing for the feeling against my aching skin. My heads were tight as I got up, ducking down so I wouldn't hit my head. My fingers fought with each other down at my waist. My anxiety was still through the roof as I exited the plane, walking down the hallway till Tubbo's eyes locked with mine. The sudden burst of serotonin blocked the thoughts as a smile was painted onto my face. He ran up to me, his usual cheerfulness already radiating from his speech. I did my best to match his energy, our conversations going on as we entered the car after getting my luggage. I threw it in the trunk, hopping into the car, being a little thrown off by the placement of the wheel again but laughing at it with Tubbo.

 Tubbo had earned his driver's license not too long ago, I was the first one to hear about it. From Tommy actually, apparently, Tubbo had been bragging about it and I got a couple of complaints from Tom telling me to "Get my BSF".  

The car ride was smooth, the topics coming and going, blasting road trip and annoying Tubbo with his old song. Everything was okay till I was reminded, "So, what's the plan for your face reveal, big man?"

My stomach dropped. The fear set in as I remembered the promise I'd made.

Flashback

I screamed of victory as I got my stuff back from Tommy. We were all messing around on the SMP and Tommy had taken my money, of course, I was playing a ghost so conically I wasn't supposed to care but you know. Tommy groaned as I laughed, organizing my inventory as I was cussed out. "So, hey, you're coming to England in a bit right?" Tommy asked, I hummed in response, focusing on trying to get back to my ender chest. "Thinkin' about a face reveal?" 

I sighed, knowing the answer was yes. Everything was going smoothly, my eye reveal doing amazing as the whole community supported me and I really wanted to do the face reveal. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure" I answered. Looking down at my feet I realized that, yeah. I was really ready for it. "You know, I actually mean that. I am ready. I'll prove it-"

"Yes, King!" Tommy answered hitting me in-game while grabbing some stuff out of his ender chest too.

I opened my phone, scrolling to discord and going into my server, watching as people chatted and made jokes. I smiled, I always loved having a nice community, it made everything so fun. I began to type. I typed words I really never thought I would.

"Hey! I just wanted to give a lil update about things, the UK trip is right around the corner and I'll share a secret. I'm going to be doin' a face reveal ;) promise. Anyways, have a great day/afternoon/night! Stream tomorrow 3pm pst! :D"

I sent it. Imedanatally turned off my phone and slammed it down on the desk.

end of flashback

I nervously laughed, rubbing my arm up and down. "Yeah, um, I'll just stream, and then maybe we can do a thing where you bring me water and I take my stuff off to drink it then put it back on like nothing happened?" I suggested, thinking it would be the easiest and quickest way to get it done.

Tubbo just laughed, agreeing and telling me that the idea was perfect.  A little evil, but perfect. 

The rest of the car ride was a little quiet, us both being tired. Once we pulled up into Tubbo's house I got out, grabbing my bag and greeting his parents as I entered. I went into his room, the familiar couch filling me with a kind of warmth. We talked and hung out a bit before he deiced he was gonna pass out on the couch where I was supposed to sleep. So, I shrugged, picking him up and placing him in his own bed before making mine. 

I lay there, staring at my phone as my gaze went to my wrist, the not-so-fresh scars taunting me. I wanted more, the inching started. The itching for the steel blade pressed into my oh so needy skin. I got up, rummaging through the pocket of my bag I swore I put it in. Panic set in when I couldn't find it, searching and searching till I was sitting there with my hands in my hair trying to remember where I'd put it. My eyes widened when I remembered. I'd pushed it under my bed to hide it from my mom, it was in us. 

AAAAAAA HI SORRY THESE CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN SHORT </3 it was kinda rushedbdsjkcn anyways, i hope you've had a good day so far

don't forget to drink wanted and eat or take ur meds if u need them<3 ilysmmmmmm

(ps. I'm not proof reading this get off my dick)