Falling for Death

Speechless

Harper

What is love, exactly? A question we've all asked ourselves at some point. Though, I'm still stuck in the questioning phase. I haven't figured it out yet.

Love. Love. Love.

Four letters forming one word with no actual definition.

Is it just a feeling? Is it simply just a word? It used to bother me, a lot.

Though, now I've learned to accept that the answer is indefinite. Some will tell you it's a fiction, a belief. Some might say, it's the best thing that will ever happen to you. Others will tell you, it's just hormones. And all of those answers are not false nor are they true.

Love is different for everyone. And for me, love is absolute bullshit. Does that stop me from loving? No. Do I care? No.

I love him. I love him so much. I love him with my whole heart. When I'm around him, I feel as thought my heart will burst.

So why can't I just let myself fall? Why can't I just give in?

I'm afraid he won't catch me.

The problem is my fears. They won't leave me alone. They haunt me when I'm awake, they haunt me when I'm asleep. I can't escape the endless intrusive thoughts.

Is love really worth the pain that follows? I guess I'll find out.

That's why I was panicking.

My thoughts crowded my mind as I paced back in forth in my room.

Today was the day I was going to tell him. Today was the day of the Valentine's day dance.

Everything could either change for the better or for the worse.

I was going against my own beliefs on love and his wishes to not fall for him.

He told me not to still, I did. And it's all his fault. He should not have made me fall for him if he didn't want me to.

If it wasn't for his stupid smile, stupid words, stupid face and all the stupid memories we have together, I wouldn't have fallen for him.

But it's also mine, I let him take my heart. I let him steal it. From day one he's been holding my heart in his hands and at any point in time he could decide to simply drop it. He could shatter it to pieces.

I gave him that power over me. He made me feel things I've never felt before and now, I will suffer the consequences.

Other bittersweet aspects of life follow love as it enters one's world.

Pain. Heartbreak. Betrayal.

And I think yes, I think the pain is worth it. Loving him is something I never saw myself being capable of but the way my heart literally beat for him was enough for me to finally give in.

Despite all the thoughts opposing to this decision, I needed to tell him I love him before it's too late.

What if I never got the chance to tell him all because I was scared? That would be so stupid.

I had to take the risk.

He was the person for me; I was the person for him.

We're perfect for each other. We were destined to be together. It was written in the stars.

Every time I looked up at the stars covering the night sky, it reminded me that each and every one of them had a reason they shined so bright.

And the stars that shot through the sky were like souls finally surrendering and allowing the bliss of simply letting go set them free.