At 5am I heard mom's alarm for work. I heard her coughing as she got out of bed. Once she was dressed in her scrubs, she came to my bedroom doorway.
"I love you," she whispered. I had my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep. She left the door way and walked into the kitchen.
The front door opened and then closed again. The engine of a 95 Jeep Wrangler started up and went down the driveway, fading into the dark.
Phoenix had his head on my chest and his small body on top of mine. Wilder's face was buried in my arm while his small hands wrapped around it. Griz had moved to the foot of bed, curled in a ball next to Wilder. The boys were having a snoring contest and I wasn't positive who was winning.
I debated getting out of bed but I didn't want wake Phoenix and his older brother. I wrapped my free arm around the small toddler and rolled over, facing Wilder. Wilder cuddled Phoenix as he had done my arm. Phoenix let go of my hoodie in recognition of the warmth of his only sibling. I slide out of the bed, grabbed my phone, walked to my dresser, traded my shorts for blue jeans, pulled the hoodie of my ex lover off, put on a bra and old long sleeve camouflage shirt, and walked out of the room.
Griz had woke and raised his head but refused to leave the young boys.
I stepped into the kitchen, where the stove glowed 6:12, to make myself a pot of coffee and start breakfast for the lot of us.
I went to the bathroom and when I returned the coffee had finished, so I poured a cup two thirds of the way full then topped it off with homemade moonshine that was in the top cabinet. The unhealthy mixture was the only fuel that seemed to keep me going in the mornings.
Suddenly a text came up on my phone from Finn, "Hey Ashy wanna smoke a joint with me tonight?"
I returned the message with a simple, "after mom gets home to watch the boys."
I downed my drink and got out six eggs, collected from the chickens in the backyard, and a roll of ground sausage from the fridge.
I cut the sausage into three patties and into a cast iron they went, setting the rest aside in a bowl. In a skillet I cracked two eggs for myself, frying them over them over easy. When they finish I placed them on a plate and started on one egg for Wilder made the same as mine. When Wilder's plate was finished I started scrambling an egg for Phoenix. The final two eggs were cracked in the raw ground sausage for Griz. I place a piece of sausage on each plate and made toast for myself and the boys.
Soon I heard the booming paws of Griz accompanied by the light foot steps of the two blonde babies.
"Mornin Sissy," Wilder yawned.
"Good mornin babies," I smiled at the two with hair in every direction.
Phoenix was holding himself up with Griz. I walked over and picked him up. "We need to change your diaper before breakfast." He was to tired to protest. I changed him, washed my hands, and the children copied my behavior before we sat down in the living room to eat. The children stood at the coffee table waiting for their plates. I sat their plates in front of them, "what do y'all want to drink?"
"Milk," Phoenix said.
"Nix, say please," Wilder scolded his younger brother.
"Pwease," said Phoenix as I was already pouring it in a sippy cup.
"Coffee please. With milk," Wilder said shyly. I poured his in a mini plastic coffee cup with mostly milk and maybe a fourth of it was actually coffee.
I gave them each their cups and placed Griz's bowl in the floor. As I walked in with my own food and drink Wilder was prayin over his and his brother's food much like his father would've.
